As a submissive, one of the first things you will be asked by almost every Dom/me is: what are your limits? You will encounter this sometimes in chat, in play, and when negotiating a relationship with a new Dom/me. If you are playing with a new Dom/me and aren’t asked this question, my advice is not to play with the person. I have heard Dom/mes say that They don’t play with safe words or limits because They know what They are doing. How can a Dom/me know if you have health issues or triggers or are just plain terrified of something unless you tell them?
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The core of BDSM is consent. No one will disagree with this. We are all aware, hopefully, that abuse is not consensual. If you feel that what is going on is ‘not right’ then you certainly should investigate if it is abuse or not. Some of what you may feel could not be abuse at all, but it’s good to know for sure. Learn how you can see the differences for yourself.
Read The Series | Find SimilarNot long after my first step into the real world of BDSM I learned of a phrase that to this day has no real definition that I can pin to it. That phrase is “speaking submissively.” To me, there is no way to speak submissively that isn’t also speaking respectfully and with deference. Many other people speak the same way in situations that call for it, like in front of a judge or to the president for instance.But I still get questions about how a submissive is supposed to say x, y and z so I thought that I’d do my best to convey what I think would work in a variety of circumstances so that if the occasion arises that you need to “speak submissively” you’ll have something you can say.
Read The Series | Find SimilarSome say the difference between a submissive and a slave has nothing whatever to do with how much control one gives up or how submissive one is. That it's in one's actions. In the way the slave obeys without question or hesitation. In the respect in the slave's voice when he or she speaks with his or her owner. In the way the slave knows what the owner needs almost before the owner does. But I've known some submissives to show their dominants more respect than some slaves show their owners.
Read The Article | Find SimilarTo me there is quite a difference between being submissive and a slave. A submissive retains the power over themselves and their body. Many are not going to agree with me on this. I don't feel that discipline, true discipline should be put in place with a sub. If a submissive still has power over themselves then how can they really mess up to the point of punishment outside of play. Slaves on the other hand, particularly those who live it 24/7 sometimes need punishment just for the sake of training, being kept in line and as a reminder of their place.
Read The Article | Find SimilarThere are a great many scenarios most would not consider safe and sane kink that I would gladly engage in. There are some that I will slam on the breaks for all I'm worth, and hope like hell M will snap out of it and realize he just took a break from reality for a second. Mostly things that will hinder my ability to serve him, like dismemberment, or death. But in case of emergency, I have the right, if not responsibility, to assess him as "absolutely off his rocker" and point out how unrealistic he's being... within reason.
Read The Article | Find SimilarOnce you start in training you have a better chance to evaluate your new Dom/me. Is the Dom creating a positive learning environment, or does s/he make you feel that you are constantly failing his/her orders? Was it really a newbie mistake, or is there a lack of training that is causing the failure? Submission can easily set up a feeling of need and dependency on the Dom/me.
Read The Article | Find SimilarThe best I can hope for each day, every day is to serve Him faithfully and to the best of my abilities and to love Him unconditionally. I don't lose sight of my place with Him, and we manage a 24/7 lifestyle just fine.
Read The Article | Find SimilarWhen you are brand new to anything related to BDSM it is likely that you will not know many of your limits and that's okay. Make sure you are prepared to share that information if you want to play, but also to stop as soon as you think you've reached a limit.
Read The Article | Find SimilarA simple sample contract you can use to create your own.
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