This post is written by Rick's Fucktoy. It was first posted on Sensual Service, which I closed when I opened Submissive Guide.
24/7. All day, every day. Is it possible to live any lifestyle to that degree? More to the point, is it possible to live *this* lifestyle that I've chosen for myself on a 24/7 basis?
I suppose before I can answer that, I ought to give you a little background information about myself and my chosen lifestyle. I am 27 years old. I have a college degree, a job that pays my bills, and what I think is a strong sense of who I am. In most respects, I'm just like hundreds of other women in the world. I don't like to cook and I hate doing laundry. I have mood swings from hell. I cry ... sometimes a lot. I have a sometimes short temper and a usually quick wit and a smart assed reply. I have family and friends that mean the world to me and that irritate the snot out of me at the same time. I have a Man in my life that I'm totally devoted to and who adores me too. I'm a friend, a lover, a daughter, a confidante, a sister, an employee, a consumer, a bitch, a sweetheart, and a fucktoy.
Oh, did I forget to mention that? I'm also, in addition to everything else, an owned slave. My lifestyle choice is that of Master/slave (M/s). That wonderful Man I'm devoted to? Yeah, He's the One that owns me.
So what does that mean? Slavery evokes pictures of whips and chains and menial tasks, of oppression and suffering. You see, I'm wanting to make sure we're all on the same page. Slave can and does entail all of the above. Yup. Whips, chains, dishes, cleaning ... My experience within my slavery has included everything mentioned, well, minus the oppression. Master, for reasons of His own, saw something in me and how I am that He wanted, so why would He oppress and change the things that drew Him to me in the first place? Ok, I'm going to derail that tangent now. Slavery and what it means in my life...
Well, basically put ~ Master says and fucktoy does. I've relinquished the control in the relationship to Him and given myself to Him for safe keeping. He can decide what and when I eat, what clothes I'm allowed to wear, what time I'm going to bed. He says when I need to rest, take my medicine, go to the doctor. The housework is my responsibility. I do the dishes each night after dinner. I get up first each morning to bring His coffee to Him in bed. Physically, I'm there for His pleasure, to use or not use as He chooses. My goal is, very simply, to keep Him happy and to follow whatever instructions He gives me.
Doesn't that sound romantic? Person A (me) deriving her pleasure solely from serving Person B (Master) ... that sounds romantic and thrilling and utterly implausible for any length of time, right? "Well, sure, fucktoy, that's great for a weekend, but what about when Monday comes?"
The foundation for a 24/7 lifestyle is the most important cornerstone of the relationship. Both parties must have a thorough understanding and acceptance of their place and their role in the relationship. The Master must establish the line (and enforce it) to help His slave find her place. That line doesn't and can't change. Each Master will have His own way of doing this, and each slave will have certain methods that will better help her than others. The manner in which it happens isn't as important as the fact that it must happen and each party needs to comprehend what is happening and why. Once that line is drawn, the Master can then "blur" the edges occasionally without the risk of destroying the foundation for their M/s relationship.
Master's line -- I am His slave. I may also be His friend, His lover, His partner in crime, His girlfriend, His wife, His whatever, but I am His slave. He may love and adore me but I am His slave, His property and He can and will do with me as He pleases. Neither of us lose sight of that. I understand, accept, and embrace my place at His feet, and because i have that understanding, He can pull me up off the floor to hold me as I sob because I've had a horrible fight with my parents, my dog was hit by a car, and work is now switching to fluorescent green uniforms that make me look like that lil green blob in Ghostbusters. I'm not going to be confused by Him relating to me as my friend or my boyfriend. He's taking care of me, loving me, and helping me to get through it in the manner in which I need His help, and I will, quite happily, go back to my cushion at His feet when it's all said and done. If I'm sick and unwell and He may choose to pile me on the couch with pillows, blankets, hot chocolate and cartoons while He straightens up the kitchen. I don't have to worry that perhaps He doesn't need or want me or that the balance of power has suddenly shifted. We can take a walk through town and laugh, kid and joke with each other. He can hold my hand instead of my leash. He can let me hold Him when He needs to fall apart.
I think the problem I used to have with the concept of a 24/7 M/s relationship is that I had the mistaken belief that the girl falls to her knees, the collar goes on, and she's a SLAVE, no longer human like the rest of us.
Well, no shit that can't work. WHAT was I thinking?
It's easy to get caught up in the fantastical world of slavery. Fiction abounds with stories of women who fall into their slave-selves to the exclusion of everything else. John Norman's Gor series, The Story of O, The Beauty Series, the more recent movie Secretary ~ all manner of erotic literature and movies captivate their audiences with this idealistic, totally implausible view of how this lifestyle is found and lived. There's no human element to take into consideration as we watch snippets from the lives of the characters.
Real life M/s relationships have to have that background and consideration. Masters and slaves alike have to understand that it's not all going to be an all day, all orgy, all the time type network. People work or go to school. People have responsibilities to families and friends. People have children. People get sick and have bad days. These are all unavoidable truths of everyday life.
Sounds like I'm talking in circles doesn't it? First, I'm a slave and I do all of these things for Master, and then there are all of these fantasies that can't be real and the reasons why I can't be a slave all the time, I guess perhaps I should work on my decision making skills ...
Oh? No ... You're correct. I never said I can't be a slave all the time. I said the FANTASY can't exist all the time. There's a difference. Master can and does expect my servitude and obedience all the time every day. He can and does expect my respect and gratitude every day. Master can and does understand that sometimes, things aren't perfect and we have to improvise.
We don't always get along. I don't always like Him. Truth? Sometimes, I think He's a real bastard. He knows it. Sometimes, He thinks I'm just a stupid bitch. I know it. Underneath it all, I utterly adore Him and I want nothing more than to stay at His feet, serving Him. He doesn't expect me to like or agree with everything He says. He does, however, expect me to do as I'm told.
We've developed an incredible line of communication. I'm free and encouraged to ask questions and talk about things that bother me or concerns me about what He's said. There are times we've talked for hours about something He wants to do to me. He's always listened to what I've said and my concerns. Sometimes, He's altered what He has planned because it suits Him to do so after talking with me, but usually, we talk about it, and then concerned or not, I do what He says. We established the trust between us before the collar was ever put on, and with the trust that He's earned, I know that He will never do anything that's contrary to my best interests, and when I'm scared and shaken and sorting through whatever we've just done, He's going to be there to hold me and get me through it.
It may be impractical to be naked, collared, and on my knees with a fan in one hand, feeding Him grapes with the other and managing to not scrape my teeth during the blowjob, but it's that mindset that allows me to be happy and content as His slave. The actions may sometimes need to be modified to fit real life -- hell, I can just imagine my father stopping by to be greeted with that image, and I doubt it's a valid excuse for not going to the office one morning. The actions may be modified, but I'm very lucky to have found the mentality of where I belong.
I'm far from a text book, picture-perfect slave. I don't ever want to be that slave. I like my quirks and so does He. The best I can hope for each day, every day is to serve Him faithfully and to the best of my abilities and to love Him unconditionally. I don't lose sight of my place with Him, and we manage a 24/7 lifestyle just fine.