Being asked to beg for something is one of the simplest forms of humiliation within a BDSM scenario. It’s also one that can be quite difficult. In this article I’ll cover verbal and nonverbal approaches to begging that I hope will help you get a handle on this very challenging but very rewarding playtime activity.
Begging is an art form for submissives. Each of us has our own talent or lack thereof in this area. For some, it is part of humiliation or just everyday activities. There are different approaches to begging. If you’ve ever owned a pet, you know what I mean. Your dog or cat will find all sorts of ways to get you to do something they want and it can go from being an adorable fuzzy buddy to a desperate annoyance. Maybe you’ll even pick up some ideas from your own pet to try the next time you have to beg for something.
Often, begging involves being embarrassed. Embarrassment because you’re having to recognize and admit to wanting or needing something that is usually not spoken about, something sexual in nature or something that gives you some feeling of shame or discomfort. It is, at least in my case, part of the reason why begging was so difficult at first.
You may even feel humiliated by the act of begging. Humiliation is a more intense form of embarrassment. It’s a huge kink for a lot of people interested in BDSM. I was surprised the first time I noticed I was turned on by having to beg and being humiliated by it. Once you learn that it’s okay to be embarrassed or humiliated by begging you will begin to move within that space to make begging sexy and hot.
Until then, it’s gonna be uncomfortable.
If you’d like to learn more about Erotic Humiliation play, I highly recommen d Enough to Make You Blush: Exploring Erotic Humiliation by Princess Kali. Check ou t my review of the book on Submissive Guide.
Master insists that I beg for a lot of things and I think that most Dominants choose this route to see just how desperate their submissive is for whatever it is they want. Generally, it's about being allowed to come or when you have been teased to death and you just want sex, right, now!
I used to be horrible at begging. "Pretty please with a cherry on top?" Then if that didn't work I'd up the ante. "Whipped cream?" "Chocolate Sauce?" Uh-huh, what was I doing, tempting him with dessert? This never worked.
Then I went to the "potty dance routine" of "please, please, please, please...." So many pleases in there that it just didn't have the sentiment that he wanted out of me so that didn't work either.
Now I'm catching on. I'm nowhere near perfect but I can and generally do get what I've begged for after a short stint of him grinning at me and telling me that wasn't good enough. He wants me to go all out and yes, I give it to him.
Say I want to come and I know he's going to ask me to beg. It may go something like this:
"Master, please may I come? I'm so hot and my clit feels like it's going to explode!"
He usually declines the first time so then it gets more desperate.
"Master, oh god Master I'd really love to come for you and show you just how slutty I am. Please let me come."
If he's just in the mood to listen to me beg he'll give me that grin that says, "Almost, but not quite." Then the big guns come out.
"Master, I need to come so bad for you, if you let me come I'll scream and moan so loud, God Master, I don't want to hold it anymore, please? I'll suck your dick like a madwoman if I can"
Yup, bribery. I opt for giving him things that I don't normally do voluntarily. That's just the way it works for me. I have to really show him how desperate he's made me, tell him the orgasm is really his and not what I need and then top it off with something that he's going to love.
Even though some of the words you use may seem silly, it’s the honest desperation behind them that really pleases most Dominants who enjoy begging. Adding moans, groans and other vocalizations when you just can’t find the words will buy you time to get further into desperation but also hopefully help you figure out how further to debase yourself in begging.
Whimper. Cry. Let yourself get overcome with the need.
Kneeling and kissing the feet of your dominant is not only a sign of submission but is a good start for begging for what you desire. This humbling of yourself goes a long way to finding that sweet spot in a Dominant so that they may pay mercy on your and allow what you are asking for. Other ideas can be prostration, kissing hands or bowing/curtsying. These actions are done of the request is a small one or if what you desire needs a more formal method of presentation.
But what about when you’re in the midst of a scene or sex and your partner orders you to beg for something you either desperately want, like an orgasm, or to beg for a certain action to stop. Showing them as well as telling them goes a long way for both of you getting more out of the scene.
Check your posture. Does it give off a sign of neediness? Or are you laying there calm and serene? Even in bondage you can let yourself express need through girations, fidgeting and other body movements.
Something I know KnyghtMare adores is when he makes me cry. Not always through suffering, but through making me beg for something that I really, really want to end but I am not sure he’s in the giving mood. I’ve shed tears for something painful I wish would stop, and I’ve outright sobbed when he’d edged me so close to orgasm that I was begging with everything I had and he said no. (I did end up being allowed, it was part of the game.)
If your Dominant responds well to puppy dog eyes then nonverbal begging may work for you. The right look can transmit what you want or need very well and some Dominants prefer to have you look like you want it while listening to you beg. What look do you get on your face when you need to get permission for something? Do your eyes get a pleading look?
Other nonverbal cues during begging can be lip biting, which is oh so sexy. Licking your lips is equally sexy and can transmit a lusty desire, a strong craving for whatever it is you want.
If you have the ability, the one eyebrow twitch can be an inquisitive nod to begging that says nothing. If you don’t know what I’m talking about, think of Spock from Star Trek. He often did it when he said, ‘Intriguing’. And that’s exactly the sentiment you’re going for. That you’re interested in whatever it is.
A mixture of any of these approaches requires practice. I'm still not perfect but I'm learning what my Master requires of me when I'm asked to beg for 'it'.
So you certainly don’t have to resort to childish begging and temper tantrums (unless you’re in little space) to have effective begging. Do you have other ideas? Come talk about begging in the Submissive Guide FetLife group!
Other people's thoughts on begging:
Begging In BDSM by Raven Shadowborne
A Kinkster’s Guide to Begging on A Kinkster’s Guide
How Do I Beg/Plead Better? on BDSM Training Academy
Further reading can be found in the book " Enough To Make You Blush: Exploring Erotic Humiliation” by Princess Kali.