This post was going to be a video post but since I'm working off of my little netbook for the time being (my laptop died) I was unable to create the video. I promise to get back to doing videos when I have a new laptop.
In a play party last night I witnessed a poor novice woman with intense marks on her abdomen and kidney area. The oblivious novice Top that did this to her was stopped by a Dungeon Monitor but the woman said when asked, that the marks were no big deal and that she’s had kidney punches before. I asked her if she knew what sort of damage could be done if care wasn’t taken in unprotected areas like the stomach and kidneys. She didn’t know. She said something along the lines that she expected the Top not to hurt her.
A common mistake that many submissives make is to assume that giving up control also means giving up the responsibility to themselves and to the situation. A submissive shares equal responsibility for any consequences - good or bad - that occur as a result of consensual play or activities.
Other flaws with what I witnessed last night were that the bottom and top from the above example had no negotiation prior to his wailing on her. He, oblivious to the instruction on how to use a certain implement, decided to hit her anywhere he could while she struggled and screamed. It was not pleasant to witness and a relief when it stopped.
I’m sure some of you are asking why it was allowed to go on at all. The very fact that it was halted is good Dungeon Monitoring and as party participants ourselves it is not our place to interrupt a scene or assume that negotiation didn’t happen or that this wasn’t the way that these two normally played. They were stopped when it became quite clear that her physical safety was at risk and the Top was not listening to the cautions that he was receiving about dangerous impact areas. I don’t know if he will be allowed back.
As a submissive, you need to remember that the consensual activities that you enjoy are risky and even though you submit, you should have a working understanding of what is safe play and what is dangerous to you. This danger could be physical or mental. Watching out for yourself rests outside the surrender bubble.
Never hesitate to stop play and ask questions or correct your Top if they have hit you where you are uncomfortable having impact. Areas that are not heavily padded or protected by the ribcage are obvious danger areas. The organs can be damaged from impact. You can bleed internally from a poorly placed stroke.
You don’t have to put up with poor play just to get someone to play with you. Keep the responsibility on alert at all times and keep the danger at bay. Submit responsibly.
- Learn the parts of the body that are susceptible to injury.
- Go to classes so that you can learn how to play safely.
- It’s okay to be picky with your play partners.
- Negotiate with play partners that you do not have relationships with.
- Uphold your health and safety during play, no matter how far you surrender.
- If you don’t know what you should be watching for, have someone else back you up.