I was talking with a Dominant the other day about safe calls and how I feel that they are vital for a novice submissive when meeting someone new, especially when they are so inexperienced in the lifestyle as most tend to be. What he said in response, floored me.
I'm paraphrasing here, "I don't like safe calls. I think that if a submissive needs a safe call to meet me then they don't trust me and aren't comfortable with meeting me yet. If that is the case they shouldn't be meeting me in the first place. I will not meet a submissive who insists on a safe call. Period."
So here I was looking at a Dominant who I thought I knew and felt for the first time in a long while, a hesitation in the respect I had for him. How could a Dominant not want their submissive to feel safe and secure by having a backup plan in place in case something were to go wrong? Even dates for coffee can get uncomfortable and a submissive, or the Dominant for that matter, may want a way to gracefully bow out. That's a safe call's job.
Would you meet this Dominant if he insisted that there was no need for a safe call and in fact forbid you to have one?
A safe call is something that you may never need to use but should be there anyway. Like car insurance. It's there in the case of an accident. It's not like you plan on getting into an accident so you get insurance. It's the other way around. A safe call is your backup plan, your safety net. In fact, it could very well save your life. Are you in good hands?
I've told this story before, but I'm not sure where so I'll tell it again. I met a Dominant in his home late at night without a safe call. Things escalated to sex and play even after we reviewed negotiations and I had a certainty that he understood my limits and those of safety. During the encounter, he swatted my tailbone with excessive force. The tailbone is a very delicate area of the body and should be avoided at all costs. It's even more delicate for me as I've had surgery multiple times in the area and have a dense bit of scar tissue there. I ended the encounter immediately, comforted my really sore ass, fended off his pleas for me to stay and carefully made it to the car and the long 40-minute car ride back home. I had to go to the ER 2 days later because of fluid building on my tailbone making it impossible to sit down. They had to surgically relieve the pressure on my tailbone.
Now, you may be wondering how a safe call could have helped me here. If I had a safe call, I could have called them and asked for help that I felt afraid he would not let me leave and to report what happened, talk with me on the way home, whatever I needed. And boy did I ever need comforting. I was physically and emotionally hurt by the incident.
If he had done worse or not let me leave and I had a safe call in place then at least I know my safe call would get the authorities to me. I knew I was in danger and that I had to get out. I felt trapped even if he did allow me to leave. That safe call could have been a saving grace and a comfort in a situation I should have never been in, to begin with.
Don't let a Dominant bully you or tell you that you can't have a safe call to meet them. Protect your personal safety first. Secure a safe call and relax easier knowing that if, in an off-chance, you need that security, they are there for you. I regret that I learned my lesson a bit too late but am grateful that it wasn't worse.
Get the security of a safe call before it's needed.
Thoughts to Ponder
- Do you use safe calls? When do you consider them not necessary any longer?
- Was there ever a time you regretted not having a safe call or failed to use it correctly? What happened?
- What would you say to the Dominant who attributes safe calls to a lack of trust, like in the beginning of this post?