I’m devoting this Monday to meditation, reflection, and devotion to submission. I hope to select  topics that will get you thinking differently about some part of your life or submission and then just maybe grow a little bit further. If you have ideas for  topics that might work for a Meditation Monday,  please email me.

When I started exploring BDSM I was certain that I was a bottom. I didn't want to be ordered about outside of the bedroom and really only wanted the kinky-fuckery as a part of my life. Twelve years later I'm embarking on a new label - total authority slave. It's still very new and I'm scared of what it all entails still but as with everything I think I can do it. It will be hard learning new rules and behaviors that will be required. KnyghtMare is very excited about my progression but he's hesitant too. We've tried this before about 6 years ago and it backfired horribly. So much so that my inability to be a total authority slave lead to us opening the relationship and the start of poly.

But this new label is going to take some growing into. And with that comes a lesson I'm sharing with you today. You are not your label. Your label is not going to define who you are. I know, I know. I was just contradicting myself. But let's see if I can work my way out of it for you. When we first find BDSM we want to label ourselves to see where we fit in. Many of us find a label and keep it for the entire time we are active in the lifestyle. For others they wear labels like coats, changing them whenever the need arises. And still more, discard labels as they feel they change and grow, never to return to the old labels. In these situations, the label does not define who you are. You choose to wear the label that feels best to you at the time.


I want you to take a few minutes right now and write down the labels you use to define yourself in the lifestyle. Look at each of them carefully. Understanding that you can be any labels you wish to, we're going to try to understand why these labels are the ones we desire.


  • How well do they fit you?
  • Why did you choose them?
  • What have you read about the labels you use that don't sit well with you?
  • Is there controversy over your chosen labels?
  • What have you resolved about those controversies?


Hopefully, through this exercise you've learned a bit more about why you wear the label you currently do and how your characteristics and personality determines what label works and not that you conform to a label. If you have tried to conform to the definition of sub or slave or little but it doesn't feel right, maybe you've found a new label that works better for you - or no label at all.