As I shared with you last week I am doing Nanowrimo this month so I’m focusing my writing there. While I’m away I have prepared an interesting series for Submissive Guide. This is the first of 30 days where you all get to learn a little bit (or a lot) about me. I’m going to post every day this month using the meme that has gone around the net over the last few years. I hope you enjoy getting a glimpse into my personal life and submission.
Does your submission – either what you practice or what you strive for – have a label? Do you view your submission as Taken in Hand, domestic discipline, top/bottom, dominant/submissive, master/slave, owner/pet, or some other description or combination? If you do not use a label, why?
My submission has changed and evolved a lot in the time that I’ve known what in the world I am. I’ve always been a little kinky but just thought that kinky was a healthy sex life with ones I loved. My ex-husband and I were light players but we never attached labels to it. I had a very difficult time accepting that I was submissive because for me kinky was good enough. Our marriage was failing for other reasons before I started learning more about BDSM and craving something I couldn’t name.
In the summer of 2003, I encountered a Yahoo profile of someone who said he was a Dominant and it intrigued me. I contacted him and asked if I could talk to him a bit about BDSM. This conversation was what helped me realize what I wanted was to be submissive. I stayed in that role for years, feeling good about how things worked and my relationship with KnyghtMare grew and developed into a great love.
Somewhere in there, we got really serious about living D/s every day, all the time. KnyghtMare went on to consider himself a Master because of the level of authority he had over me and then just recently, over froggyKM.
Now, I consider myself a slave. That wasn’t an easy transition. I used to have huge hangups with what a slave was and how I defined it. I never felt that I lived up to what I considered a slave was. Before you ask, my old personal definition of a slave was someone who had no safeword, no limits, and was in complete obedience to their Dominant without being able to voice their own opinions. Being called a slave was a scary idea to me, I thought that somehow calling myself a slave would change me and how KnyghtMare and I interacted. I avoided it for a long time.
Then last year after a lot of soul-searching I decided that my personal definition was silly and to test out calling myself a slave and see how I felt. Since then I’ve been pretty happy and comfortable. It’s not been without headaches since I also feel that being a slave is harder for me than a submissive. I feel like I’ve gotten into my role a lot better now that I’ve changed my definitions.
Ultimately, it’s all just words but I feel it’s important to know who you are. Who are you?