Sub fever, also known as sub frenzy is an often misunderstood condition for novice and well-seasoned submissives. While experienced submissives can learn to recognize the symptoms, most novices are oblivious to the issues at hand.
What is sub fever? Do you remember when you first discovered BDSM and submission and all of a sudden that emptiness you felt, that something missing had a name? Finally, all your feelings of loss and confusion have resulted in the finding of submission or BDSM and now you want it. You want it bad, you'll do anything to learn all there is and finally find that "One" to give you your heart's desires. I've written a post on Submissive Guide that does a good job describing what sub frenzy is. You can read it at When Submissives Go Wild.
Figuring out what to do once you know you have it can be difficult. Novice submissives lose their rational thought really easily when the fever takes hold. I've seen it here on the site and chat room. These people will latch on to the first Dominant to offer them a collar even if the compatibility is way off and then wind up hurt emotionally, mentally or worse. It's hard to know what I can do in those cases.
Take what you can from this advice.
Being a novice submissive it can certainly feel so overwhelming. You have so many questions swimming around in your head and you can't organize a single thought. Your first idea is to get a Dominant right NOW to help you learn everything you need to know. But that would be a poor choice. As I teach on this site, you need to know yourself before you can be in a relationship. Take a breath and really sort out who you want to be as a submissive. Do you want to be submissive in the bedroom? What about doing domestic chores? Does complete surrender appeal to you? Do you even know what each of these types of submission entails? Figure that out first.
Then, start putting together what you want and need in a relationship. You won't have a very big list at first, but start small. Do you want your partner to be strict or flexible? Does he have to be older than you? What about experience level? Are looks important? Try to put this stuff down and figure out what is absolutely important and what is a special desire.
Find a peer support group in your area or online. This one single step can help you calm your feverish desires and put reality into the forefront. You will be able to have your questions answered, you will be exposed to others living a submissive life and you can begin to see how things work for them. You'll make friends and have an outlet for all of your hyper feelings.
Being a seasoned submissive myself these days I know when the frenzy is coming. I can usually pinpoint that it is that I need and ask for it from my partner. Often this is physical play or service. If you don't have a partner, it's likely that you can ask a Dominant that you trust from within your circle of friends for an outlet. A lot of them understand why you need it and are willing to provide.
Community involvement is also helpful in service cases. Not necessarily in the BDSM community but any volunteer work where you are directly helping others feels good and feeds the submissive soul. Giving back is like filling up on happiness.
Thoughts to Ponder
- When was the last time you felt out of control of your feelings and wanted to play right then, no matter what?
- What ways have you found help you counter sub frenzy?
- Is there anything I'm missing that you'd like to let me know?