Mentoring, self-help and submissive exploration

lunaKM has been a full-time slave in an M/s relationship for over 10 years. She is the founder and editor of Submissive Guide. Learn more about her here and connect with her on, Twitter, Google+, FetLife.

20 responses to “When Submissives Go Wild: Sub Frenzy”

  1. julia

    What a clear and helpful post. I am experiencing this feeling with a vengeance and am so grateful to be owned by an intelligent and experienced Dom, who I think understands what I am going through. I am anxious to be in communication with other subs and will speak to my Sir about this – I think it will help me. Thank you, I have been so touched to find so many kind and helpful people in this new world I am learning so much from.
    .-= julia´s last blog ..What it Means To Be a submissive – take two =-.

  2. kinkylittlegirl

    Truer words were never spoken.

    I hadn’t actually thought about the concept applied to more experienced subs, but it does indeed happen.

    Thanks for the link to my own post on dominants coming through on their word, too!

    .-= kinkylittlegirl´s last blog ..Dominants Coming Through on Their Word =-.

  3. Brooke Farmer

    I am right in the middle of this. Have no one to turn to to “take the edges off.” And am having a great deal of difficulty keeping my head about me. It’s been a year since my first D/s relationship ended and I tried to just go back to normal dating. All of a sudden one day it was all I could think about.

  4. Hedone

    Yes it is a clear and helpful post. Too bad I didn’t know about sub frenzy one year and 3 months ago. I think the Dom I encountered preys on “newbies” in hopes of riding the sub frenzie wave. I had no physical damage but some scary emotional damage. It took a bit to get my head clear. I’m good now.

  5. Babel

    Christ in a crucible did that ever hit a bullseye! I believe that you just summed up what I’ve been feeling for the past two years and what has only recently become more defined for me. The problem, of course, is that being new I don’t HAVE an outlet. I’ve been trying to persuade my boyfriend to try this, but I don’t know how to bring him into the dominant behavior that I have seen in him, but which he doesn’t seem to know how to unleash on me! Does anyone have any tips?

  6. Daddy's girl


    thank you for this excellent post. i’ve been climbing the walls for days wondering what was wrong with me. now i’ve got some language for it. i really appreciate it. keep up the great work!


  7. new sub

    thanks so much for this post! i had no idea that what I was experiencing was a ‘thing’. will be much more wary from now on. love the blog! x

  8. submission: Experiences of Realization

    [...] I found today that this emotional state is called ‘sub Frenzy’. [...]

  9. Trapped

    Thank you for your post and website. I am caught in this frenzy. I didn’t know what was happening to me and I didn’t have a language to even do an internet search. I jumped into the arms and control of the first man who would have me. Now I feel trapped with no safe exit from the relationship and the frenzy is as strong as ever. It has impacted seriously on my work and other areas of my life. But thanks to your post and website, I can begin to educate myself. I hope that other newbies caught in a frenzy will find your website before they are irrationally overwhelmed.

  10. Scrussy

    Great post! I met a submissive female on a vanilla site. I have been interested in this lifestyle for many years. After several dates she finally told me about her involvement in teh Alt Life. Three weeks later I confided in her, my interest. Her first advise was regarding sub-frenzy. I’m glad I was educated early on!

  11. jodiee

    Being new to to life and finding my way , what you talk about here is so real .I have been learning about the life and which path to take for just over 6 months ,from that my feelings and emotions have been all over the place. I have this burning need to serve most of the day even when i am at work, but i also know the risks that i would take if i gave into the need. But i have a good circle of friends and a mentor that are helping me and giving me advice and an shoulder and an ear to cry on …support is very important to me at the moment would be so easy just to let go

  12. CuriosityCrazed


    This is an awesome article!! I am going through this now and i am a newbie to the lifestyle. I did just that jumped into something i was not ready for and thank goodness there was not physical damage and limited emotional. The question becomes how do you keep the frenzy at bay until you find the right M/s-D/s? I have no support group but one friend and she is not in the lifestyle. A Dom recommended your site to me and it has been most helpful. Any information that you can give is greatly appreciated. Also if i may recommend maybe having this sent out when someone new joins your sight?? I do understand not all that join are newbies :o)

  13. hecallsmekit

    Oh the frenzy, I’m a somewhat seasoned submissive and it hit me last night, sadly my husband is vanilla and my Daddy is just not available until Friday, so I get to calm myself until then, but the importance of it is to recognize it before you get destructive.

  14. stef

    Hi Julia,
    I’m also experiencing sub frenzy. My first play date was 6 days ago. I was fine until today my need to please my Sir is, so overwhelming it’s almost unbearable. Thanks for your post, I’m glad I’m not the only one out there going through this.

  15. coba

    I am currently experiencing this. My husband (Dom) and I have been working our way into this new lifestyle for about a month now, as we are both inexperienced. I have nothing but time at work right now so I do nothing but read all day about rules and expectations. I have educated myself far more than my husband has had time for and I am having a hard time getting him to sit down and read the resources I have found.
    I know he is enjoying what we are currently doing (a very small list of somewhat informal rules and punishments for not adhering), but I am having a hard time conveying to him that I want more structure, not just for myself as his submissive, but the discipline that the both of us lack. I get frustrated because he will occasionally drop the ball on following up on an assigned task for me.. I sometimes feel like he forgets that he told me to do something. I feel like I’m compensating for his lack of discipline and attentiveness by researching more and sending him more links and ideas but smothering him at the same time for these ideas.
    I asked him earlier if we could sit down and go over rules tonight and he said yes. I am very pleased about that but I can’t help but feeling like I am ‘topping from the bottom’. I know no relationship would be successful without communication but I still can’t shake that feeling.
    This idea of sub frenzy has really given me something to connect to and I am trying my absolute hardest to take things slowly. I would much prefer to dive head first and I am aware that he is digging deep down for that Dom inside of him.. I’m just trying my hardest to yank it to the surface as quickly as possible.

  16. Libertine

    I wish I had seen this a month ago.
    I am new, and I had no idea what was happening to me.
    But I did find a Dom who is helping me to go slower and keeping me sane LOL.
    So it’s all good.

  17. jeya

    thanks it is a great info

  18. Flee

    I have been feeling this way for a long time now. I’m new to the life. My Dom has been very understanding. I have noticed that being his submissive makes me feel love I’ve never felt before and at times I feel crazy. Since I’m so new to this life style I don’t know how to release this feeling without seeing him. I don’t know anyone else in the lifestyle.

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