In the post Single in the Scene Part IV: Petitioning, I address the matter of presenting a petition to a potential Master. However, I didn’t fully address that space between the time of presenting the petition and (hopefully) the collar, at least not at length. But, this can be one of the most trying times for a slave, this space of uncertainty – not knowing if you’ve been accepted or not. Maybe not even knowing what’s on the mind of the petitioned Master. What’s he doing? Why won’t he say something, anything? Like really, yes? No? I don’t know? Even if the slave explicitly knows that her petition is being considered, she’ll wonder, Well, how long am I supposed to wait? Shouldn’t I have received a decision by now? Insert a heavy sigh here…
In the Petitioning post, I did explain that how long it would take to receive an answer of yes or no depends on the Master. That’s the short, sweet, and very simple version. Now keep in mind that this is geared more towards instances of a longer waiting period of possibly up to 2 years. There are some petitions that are accepted immediately or within a week. But usually, when there’s a long waiting period, there’s far more room for anxiety that can lead to a crash and burn and undue distress. An excellent example that addresses why there may be a longer waiting period is a biblical one (addressing the time the Israelites wandered the desert for 40 years) that was used by a lecturer I listened to recently:
You shall remember all the way which the
your God has led you in the wilderness these forty years, that He might humble you, testing you, to know what was in your heart, whether you would keep His commandments or not.
May I make a confession? When I was still fresh and new to the community – well if I’m going to confess I should be truly honest, right? It took me a very long time to understand the long wait between petition and collar that I would hear some Masters talk about. I didn’t really get it at first (and even 4/5 years into my Lifestyle journey). I remember a Master talking to me about his process and he was like, “After 2 years, I will either give a collar or I won’t.” What? And I heard other Masters and slaves speaking of the process they had gone through before a collaring had taken place – not 1 month, not 6 months, but a process that would take 1 to 2 years. Have mercy! I scoffed at such, to be truthful. My thinking was something like, Here he is getting all the goods and ain’t giving a collar and ain’t committing?! He just getting over! So, what changed my thought process and how did I see the light? I came to understand the gravity of M/s relationships, especially those relationships that are founded on IE (Internal Enslavement) and TPE/TAT (Total Power Exchange/Total Authority Transfer). I also came to understand how a responsible Master chooses to operate. When a Master is responsible, he's in no rush to collar a slave; his patience and foresight tends to be more solid.
We, as slaves, often fail to realize that even though we think we’ll make a great addition to a Master’s life, he has to be certain of such before giving his collar – if not, he could end up being catfished, and that’s not a feel-good space for a Master. Unless the Master has known the slave for quite some time, he has nothing to go on but immediate experiences. He must be certain that the slave will be humble before him, that she will be obedient and follow his directives; he must be able to have a fuller view of her heart – her inner workings, strengths, and weaknesses. It takes the time to unfold the truth of a person’s ilk, and it simply can’t be rushed.
The benefits of such a process aren’t experienced by the Master only; the slave also benefits greatly! This world is full of people who simply don’t know their own character/heart. We tend to be quick to say what we wouldn’t do in the company of others; yet, the truth of who we are is what we think in private and how we respond when no one is looking. That is the truth of our character. When a Master doesn’t just give lip service to ‘you must be transparent before me,’ but instead pushes the right buttons that open the doors for that transparency, it’s a definite learning experience for the slave. She will either shrink into the shadows or thrive in the light of what’s been revealed. She will either remain stuck in hiding or move forward in her growth. Not to mention, her trust of the Master will either be thwarted or it will deepen. More importantly, the whole time the Master is better understanding the slave, the slave also has the opportunity to better see the Master’s character. Eagerly, we petition, often going on an abstract feeling (what I have referred to as a compulsion, which sounds quite romantic, right?) that we’ve gotten caught up in. This time period gives us, as slaves, the space to get grounded. It could very well be that the slave discovers there’s a lack of compatibility and thus, decides to withdraw her petition (it’s a possibility…).
With all of this in mind, I hope that if you or someone you know has gotten antsy as they await the verdict of their petition that this allays the anxiety a bit. This like so much of the process of establishing a solid M/s (or D/s) relationship is so ripe with opportunities for betterment that it would be a waste of time to let any or all the opportunities slip by. As I said in closing in the Petitioning post, “…until is accepted or declined, continue being you in all of your glory…” Just because there’s a waiting period between the request and the final answer doesn’t mean that you simply do nothing. Let your little slave light radiate as it gets stronger/brighter!
Lots of love, blyss