We don't often think about the submissive having anything to teach the Dominant, and in many cases, a Dominant is teaching the submissive. There's nothing wrong with that, but when the submissive has more experience or learning in an area it does make it easier if the Dominant is open to learning from their partner. In this article, I'm going to share ways that a submissive can teach without worrying about "being Dominant" in order for the education to happen and also ways that a submissive could take on education and share that knowledge with their Dominant as a part of their service.

The most common situation where a submissive would be teaching the Dominant is when the submissive has more experience either in kink, or a D/s dynamic or perhaps just a particular activity. Please note that there is nothing wrong with a novice Dominant - they have to start somewhere. So showing them what you know could be a good way to connect and grow with each other that other relationships may not have. Treat it as a special time between the two of you and it can blossom into an intimate exchange.

Since each of us learns differently there are, of course, different ways to present information so that you can pick it up the best. As a partner to a Dominant that may desire to learn what you already know you'll want to know what kind of a learning style your Dominant has so that you can help them pick up everything you know.

Three Learning Styles

There are three common learning styles that people fall into. The three most common are visual, auditory, and kinesthetic (tactile). To learn, we depend on our senses to process the information around us. Most people tend to use one of their senses more than the others. You can have a mix of the three but often rely on one style the most. See if you can pick up what style you are and then ask your Dominant to figure out what style they are also.

Visual Learner

  • take numerous detailed notes
  • tend to sit in the front
  • are usually neat and clean
  • often close their eyes to visualize or remember something
  • find something to watch if they are bored
  • like to see what they are learning
  • benefit from illustrations and presentations that use color
  • are attracted to written or spoken language rich in imagery
  • prefer stimuli to be isolated from auditory and kinesthetic distraction
  • find passive surroundings ideal

Auditory Learner

  • sit where they can hear but needn't pay attention to what is happening in front
  • may not coordinate colors or clothes, but can explain why they are wearing what they are wearing and why
  • hum or talk to themselves or others when bored
  • acquire knowledge by reading aloud
  • remember by verbalizing lessons to themselves (if they don't they have difficulty reading maps or diagrams or handling conceptual assignments like mathematics).

Kinesthetic Learner

  • need to be active and take frequent breaks
  • speak with their hands and with gestures
  • remember what was done, but have difficulty recalling what was said or seen
  • find reasons to tinker or move when bored
  • rely on what they can directly experience or perform
  • activities such as cooking, construction, engineering and art help them perceive and learn
  • enjoy field trips and tasks that involve manipulating materials
  • sit near the door or someplace else where they can easily get up and move around
  • are uncomfortable in classrooms where they lack opportunities for hands-on experience
  • communicate by touching and appreciate physically expressed encouragement, such as a pat on the back

Presenting the Information

Once you have an idea of how your Dominant learns best, then you can tailor your teaching to their style. Some ideas that come to mind are:

  • reading material at their own pace
  • presenting a slide show
  • giving a speech
  • recording a voice session about the material
  • talking about it over coffee
  • invite a group of friends over to talk about the subject
  • go to a class, demo or presentation provided by the local community
  • physically demonstrating the activity (on a teddy bear or something)

As you can tell not all of these options are formal teaching methods and you don't have to set them up that way. The key is let the Dominant control the amount of information and in what form they would like it presented.

I don't know about you but my Dominant doesn't like to read large chunks of text at a time and does things in smaller bites. So sending him a book to read wouldn't go over well. But he loves to talk and bringing it up in conversation with a few talking points is more his style and he has learned well that way. He also does well on his own, but many Dominants do not take the initiative to learn that way.

You can not make them learn something if they are not interested. Remember that.

That's Topping from the Bottom!

No, it's not. This is my opinion on that. If you can't help you Dominant learn what you already know and do it in some formal or informal fashion then you don't deserve to be with them. Acting coy, naive and ignorant will get you nowhere. I know of no Dominants who want someone they can't talk to or have engaging conversations in. Teaching is not controlling behavior - in fact, it can be very submissive. You are serving your Dominant and your best interest by sharing what you know.

As you grow closer to your Dominant you may find that your passion for things will bring them to want to learn more and explore on their own. Sharing what you know is a fantastic first step.


  1. What learning style are you? How about your Dominant? What would be a good way to share information with them?

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