Thank you Kayla Lords for answering this question for a reader!

Dear lunaKM,

I'm starting to enter a long distance d/s relationship as a sub. You have a lot of excellent articles about self aftercare for subs in ldrs (long distance relationships), which I've made good use of, but I'm wondering if you have any advice for how to look after your dom long distance?


Long Distance Sub

Dear Long Distance Sub,

You raise an excellent point in your question. A lot of information is available for taking care of submissives - either when you’re together or in a long distance relationship, but what about a Dominant?

As always, every situation is unique, and the best place to start is through communication.

  • Ask your Dominant how they’re doing.
  • Encourage them to share their thoughts with you.
  • Offer support and encouragement when you know they’re stressed or upset.
  • Ask how you can help them feel better.

If your D/s relationship is like many, simply telling your Dominant what to do isn’t going to go over well. Gently suggest options that may help them feel better when they’re faced with stressful situations.

Dominants (the good ones) spend a lot of time taking care of their submissive, offering reassurance, handling the responsibilities of a Dominant, and being in charge and in control.

Basic gratitude and acknowledgment of all they do can go a long way in helping them feel good about themselves and what they’re doing. It’s also a good way to reassure them that you appreciate what they do for you.

You can also show them in little ways that they’re on your mind:

  • Love notes through text message and email.
  • Small gifts meant to make them smile - nothing large or expensive, simple tokens to surprise them.

Think of the things you want your Dominant to do for you when you need love, support, reassurance, or just a little extra care when you’re separated by miles. Adjust those things to fit your Dominant’s personality and then do the things you know you’d appreciate.

Dominants can be harder to take care of because they won’t always admit when they’re feeling bad or having a rough time of it. Treat them with gratitude and respect, remind them of your feelings, and do small things to remind them you’re thinking of them - it goes a long way in helping them feel better, respected, appreciated, and loved.