Luna, what is reasonable to expect from a dominant in exchange for submission and service? I realize everyone is different, but when a sub is not being financially supported and is doing household care and management, handling the everyday paperwork of bill paying, handling home repair calls, etc.; assuming her Dom is loving, caring, what else can she expect? Love and gratitude for her service? When we talk about a Dom protecting his sub, what does that mean ? I am looking at entering a relationship with a man as his slave, full time. I know you and Knyghtmare have a full-time M/s relationship and you have the household management. What sorts of things does he provide for you, if that is not too personal?

To clarify, I would not be supporting him financially. I am talking only about paperwork.

Hi there,

That's quite a list of heavy questions! When you begin thinking about a D/s relationship and what you have to offer, it's always a good plan to know what you want from the Dominant as well. But if you are new, knowing what to expect is a challenge.  But there is definitely a way to get the answers to your questions and know that the relationship you are building is the right one for you.

KnyghtMare and I do have an M/s relationship but it didn't start that way and the advice I'm about to give you is what I suggest everyone do when considering a power exchange relationship. Talk. Negotiate. Get to know the person, find out what they expect from you. Figure out what you are willing to provide. Decide if love and romance are going to be a part of the relationship. Continue talking. Do not agree to be submissive to them until you know what is expected of you and can tell them what you expect in return. If love and romance is a part of your relationship plans then make sure that is progressing. Remember, you are trying to establish a relationship, not a career or a job. So treat it like you would a relationship, date, get to know one another and have fun. This isn't the time for interviewing them and grilling someone with questions.

You are right that everyone has different needs and what to expect from their Dom but there isn't anything that all Doms should provide all submissives and visa versa. You have a lot of mental work to do to figure out the answers to your questions.

What do you want from power exchange? Do you want love and gratitude for your service? Do you want to find love and maybe marriage? What about children? If you don't want them to be the sole breadwinner, make sure that is part of your negotiations. (It's not common that the submissive doesn't have a job, the opposite is more common.) What are your basic needs? Do you want your Dominant to provide those for you?

When people talk of a Dom protecting his sub that could mean so many things. It could be that they hold a possessive hand when out in public, that they have health insurance and life insurance set up for them if something happens to the Dom. Everyone has a different opinion on what "protecting" means and the important thing to note is if you and the Dom you are talking with have the same opinion on those types of topics.

What KnyghtMare provides me is probably a bit more than what you might be looking for since we are also husband and wife. He takes care of me; he loves me and provides me with anything I might need. We are best friends so we can hang out and enjoy our time together watching movies or going out to eat. He also provides me love, romance, sex and play and a way to express my own desires. He makes the majority of the income so he gives me an allowance so that I can get the things that I enjoy like haircuts, journals and adult coloring books. When I'm stressed he's a shoulder to cry on, an ear to listen and so much patience and compassion that it's overflowing. All of my basic needs are taken care of and I'm happy around him. This is what we need from each other.

It took us years to be sure we were getting everything we needed from each other. It's not a fast process but it feels right so we've done something good. Our needs are met and our love is strong. It makes our M/s work well. Your choices could be different. As long as it works for you and makes you happy and fulfilled then that's all that matters.