I am in a dom/sub relationship long distance, One that has become very stressful for me. I am punished it seems like every day to stay in favor and because of the distance, it is monetary payment. It is breaking me down financially and mentally, it seems I get nothing from this relationship. For fear of angering him I submit and abide to this punishment, leaving me more stressed I have fallen in love with my dom, I am not allowed to call him by name. I feel I m pushed up against a wall at all times. What should I do. Maybe Im just really not cut out for total submission. I am smart, beautiful, but lately he has no time for me either do to his excessive drinking or who knows. I feel I am being used. How to I correct this without angering my dom. I don't wish to loose him or anger him but I need to be true to me too. PS he has nude photos of me, I fear him to a degree.
I'm so sorry you are experiencing such a stressful and fearful situation.
My advice is likely going to feel harsh, but I really do appreciate you contacting me to seek help. Stop giving this man any money. He's abusing his power over you to drain you dry financially. Punishment, even long distance, shouldn't include money exchange unless it is agreed upon by both parties. It sounds like you didn't agree to this form of punishment and now that it's affecting you he's still keeping you hooked in by saying you need to pay him to say in his favor. Would you do this if D/s wasn't a part of it?
The next thing that bothers me from your message is that you say you are afraid of angering him. Any good relationship isn't built on fear; abuse does. He's using you and abusing his power to make you do things you fear and keeping you reigned in by your desire to submit. This man is not worth your submission. You are not happy, you are afraid. You feel trapped and defeated. This isn't how a good relationship should make you feel.
You said you feel used. And you are. You need to be true to you, as you said in your email. He's not allowing you to be you. I know you don't want to lose him, but it might just be the idea of him that you are in love with. You want a Dom and you want to feel the love of a Dom. This man is not a Dom. He's using you and he's making you feel less than you should. It's time to stand up for yourself, your future and your pocketbook. Find the strength you need to leave this man.
Now you said you are afraid of him and he has nude photos of you. So, if he uses that to threaten you when you break up with him, you have recourse through the police. I know you might not want to go through with it, but if he threatens you then tell him you'll call the police. Not only could you get him for blackmail in many cases you could get him in trouble for the money scam he's playing on you. I don't think he'll be willing to push you to that end, but the awareness alone could get him to back off.
I know you feel defeated. You wanted to explore submission and this man reeled you in. But just because this was a negative experience doesn't mean you won't find someone worthy of what you have to offer. You've learned a difficult lesson, but hopefully, you'll know a bit more about what a Dominant really is and what you deserve in a partner.