Imagine this. You are bombarded with private messages from every Dominant in a 500 mile radius offering their control for your submission, usually only of the sexual kind. They send you penis pictures and say they are a true Master with two-times the years experience than they are old.

Not hard to imagine? You mean you are one of the afflicted? No way!

Often times these people are very fake, only looking for some kinky sex or a weekend of rough sex. Other times they could be dangerous predators looking for their next victim. Even if they are honest applications for your consideration you will find that most of them you will be turning down or ignoring completely. How can you turn someone down and keep your personal strength and honesty intact? How can you let them down respectfully?

Okay so some of you are thinking, why would you bother with courtesies anyway? I'm going to tell you that you need to be the better person. You need to treat them as you wish to be treated even if they don't  reciprocate. Let me be clear. I'm hoping you'll learn to be a positive influence in your own life and have as few regrets as possible. Treating someone poorly when a little sugar does the same thing is not a very decent thing to do and not something a prospective or current partner would want.

How To Graciously Tell Them to Go Away Online

When the message is online and you don't want to be too hurtful but you do want them to get the hint that you are not interested a short and quick reply should do the trick. In most cases, you may get a reply that will be as gracious as you were, but in other times you will get the desperate whiners that you wouldn't want to speak with anyhow.

Hello DOM,

Thank you for contacting me, unfortunately, I am not interested in conversing with you.


Another method and one that I have done myself is to have a stock response that I save in a file and then just copy and paste it to the person. Feel free to use this and alter it to fit your personal style if you like.

Hello DOM,

Thank you kindly for contacting me, however I am not interested in kindling a relationship with you. The  reason can be one of many, but the following tend to apply in most cases.

  • I am in a happy, committed relationship and am not looking for another.
  • You only talk of sex and kink you wish to participate in. I like the whole picture.
  • I do not carry relationships online.
  • I am offended by your use of "your" penis as a profile picture.
  • Your interests do not mesh with mine.
  • You are not single.
  • You are not within my preferred age, body type or gender.
  • You live too far away.
  • You chose not to use proper spelling and grammar in your message.

Thank you for your time,


How to Kindly Tell Them You are Not Interested in Playing in Person

When you are standing face to face with someone it is often times more difficult to turn down requests, but it is also necessary in cases where you are not interested in the Dominant propositioning you. The best way to handle these situations is with courtesy and honesty. No matter what the reason for your disinterest you shouldn't ever play with someone that you don't want to play with just because you can't figure out how to tell them no.

It's as plainly as saying, "no thank you." You don't have to go any further than that. If they continue to bother you then report them to a dungeon monitor or another host of the event. Just because you are submissive does not mean you have to be anyone's submissive. You control what you do at events unless you have a Dominant and it's likely that they do then.

How many ways can you think of to politely say "no"? Tell me in the comments, I want to know!