If you have ever wondered how you can get the spanking you've always wanted but wasn't sure how to ask for it, there is a book for you. I was just offered the chance to review a copy of
How to Get the Spanking You Want: The Complete Guide to Asking for It, Getting It & Making It Betterby Vivian of The Disciplined Feminist. I've just been able to browse it so far and read the first chapter but I'm already impressed!
The book is an excellent read for anyone that is on the edge about asking for a spanking, understanding why you desire that spanking and how to get what you want once you have asked for it. The book really is that special. The language so far is easy to read and welcoming to the newcomer to spanking as a lifestyle choice. You won't be disappointed. This wisdom can only come from someone with over 20 years experience and education and training in the field of gender roles and psychology.
Written in an honest, compassionate and easy-to-read style, this guide will share with you...
- The real reasons your partner may be reluctant to spank you that will surprise and even shock you! (page 89)
- Why the popular "I Love Lucy" method of teasing or "bratting" your partner into spanking you is virtually guaranteed to fail -- and may even hurt your relationship! (page 41)
- How to stop being disappointed when your real-life spankings don't measure up to your fantasies (page 20)
- What to do if your partner has already said "no" to spanking you (page 70)
How to take a spanking -- yes, there
arespecial techniques for receiving as well as giving a good spanking! (page 120)
- Getting past your embarrassment about wanting to be spanked (page 16)
- What it really takes to build a satisfying spanking relationship (page 140)
- How to prepare for your first real spanking (page 99)
- What to do if you find yourself getting a spanking that's more painful than you expected (page 134)
- Get spanked in public without getting your partner arrested (page 154)
- How to cope if you need a spanking and don't have a partner
- The 7 steps to more satisfying spankings (page 140)
- How to safely get spanked if you have a history of childhood abuse
- Expanded 2nd edition -- 12 additional pages of material!
- And much more!
Still not sure? Here's an excerpt of the book:
“HOW TO GET THE SPANKING YOU WANT” (www.HowToGetaSpanking.com, © Variant Books 2009, all rights reserved. Used with permission.)
How to Take a Spanking
Most of the focus on spankings revolves around the way that spankings are given. And this is understandable. After all, the person spanking is doing the obvious work in the situation. He’s the one who has to know how to spank, how long to spank, how hard to spank, etc. All you have to do is lay there and get your spanking.
Or so it seems.
Many people are surprised to learn that there is just as much of an art to taking a spanking as there is to giving one. So while your partner is learning the art of spanking, you’ll want to learn the art of being spanked.
To learn how to take a spanking, let’s start with the most basic fact that often gets overlooked when you’re anticipating your first spanking…
Real spankings hurt
If you haven’t been spanked before, this often comes as a big shock. But it’s true: spankings hurt. A lot. Probably a lot more than you realize.
Spankings are, of course, supposed to hurt. But it’s one thing to imagine that they’re going to hurt and quite another to experience that pain in real life on your very own tender and vulnerable bottom.
In our fantasies, we know that spankings hurt and we probably even imagine how much they hurt and what our reaction will be. Perhaps we imagine that we cry and beg for mercy or resist the spanking and are forced to take it even though it hurts. Or maybe we imagine being stoic and brave and keeping a “stiff upper lip” through a severe caning or paddling, like in those British boarding school movies.
But by and large, most of our fantasies focus on the other parts of a spanking – how deliciously embarrassing it would be to be, say, be spanked in front of your class at school, or the thrill of being turned over your partner’s knee and having your skirt flipped off and your bottom bared like a naughty little girl. Or countless other scenarios and details that contribute to the excitement of being spanked.
Which is why it can be a pretty rude awakening when you feel that first swat on your bottom and realize how extreme the pain really is. To repeat: spankings (even “mild” ones) hurt.
If you aren’t ready for how much a spanking is going to hurt, you may have a pretty extreme reaction to the pain. That’s because your survival instinct is pre-programmed to protest – strenuously – whenever it registers that you feel pain. Your survival instinct doesn’t care that you’re turned on by spankings. That’s because it’s even stronger than your spanking desires. It just gets the signal from your bottom that you are feeling pain and does what it’s programmed to do – resist, get away, fight back or whatever feels safest and most likely to work at that instant.
This reaction, whatever it is, is likely to surprise you. You have wanted a spanking for so long and imagined it so often in your head that the idea that you would resist or not want the pain may catch you off guard.
And it may also be very upsetting or disturbing to your partner, whom you remember is probably still a bit nervous that he’s going to hurt you too much and get himself in trouble.
If you react very intensely to the pain of the spanking, you may be confirming for your partner all of his worst fears – that he is a closet abuser who has just done a terrible and unforgivable thing to you by hitting you and causing you pain (and yes, the darker fear that you will get angry with him and turn him into the police for beating you).
If you have never been spanked before, you would be wise to assume going in that you’re going to have this extreme reaction to your first real spanking, no matter how much you want and need it.
To be safe, it’s important to talk with your partner beforehand about this possibility so that he’s prepared for whatever reaction you have and reassure him that you will not hold him responsible or accuse him of domestic abuse if your spanking hurts more than you realize.
In addition, you may want to talk with your partner in advance about bruising or marks on your skin. Many spankers are fine with the spanking, and then become upset the next day when they see the results of their handiwork on their partner’s vulnerable skin.
I’m not going to tell you here that you should avoid bruising or marks. The truth is that most of the methods that claim to avoid bruising don’t work all that well and aren’t particularly reliable. If you’re going to get spanked, you’re probably going to get bruised. Your job is to make sure you’re okay with this, and then to make sure your partner knows you’re okay with it – or even excited by these lasting reminders of your spanking.
Real spankings can be shocking
In addition to hurting more than we might realize, spankings can be psychologically shocking, even if we’ve fantasized about them.
If we’ve never been spanked or hit before, the experience of being spanked – literally hit – can trigger intense emotions that go even deeper than our very deep desire to be spanked.
During your spanking, you may experience anything from panic and terror to extreme crying and feelings of helplessness.
None of these reactions means that you are wrong to want a spanking. They just mean that your spanking has triggered some deeper emotions and instincts in you that you will need to deal with.
First of all, you may just be having the instinctive reaction to being hit that we talked about in the prior section. We all have that primitive “fight or flight” reaction inside that is triggered whenever we feel physically or psychologically threatened. The part of your brain that is designed to keep you safe by triggering this instinct may be doing its job, regardless of what the part of you that is turned on by the idea of being spanked says.
Second, spanking is also cathartic. Because it’s an intense experience, getting a spanking can release all kinds of emotions that you are carrying around inside from the rest of your life that you haven’t expressed.
For example, if you’re having a difficult time at work, but haven’t given yourself permission to “let it out” and express your frustration, you may find yourself letting it all out during your spanking. You may find yourself crying a lot more than you (or your partner) believes is justified given the severity of your spanking.
If you find yourself in a catharsis during your spanking, my advice is to go with it and accept it as a blessing and a gift. One of the wonderful, amazing parts of being spanked is the ability to let go of your responsible, strong self and let your vulnerable self show. Cry like a baby, sob your guts out – let the spanking cleanse all of that negative emotion out of you. Afterward, you will probably feel like you went to a spa or had a nice massage!
So to help you take your spanking with grace and courage, even when you feel like you can’t stand another swat, what follows are some tips to help with the pain…
That's not all though, she has a companion book written for the spanker titled,
How to Give a Spanking: Advice from the Receiving End. I have this book as well to read and let you know what it's like in a review coming later. If it's anything like what I've read so far it will be well worth it.
If you buy both books today, you get 20% off! That's a wonderful bundle deal, so don't wait. Get these wonderful spanking resources now.