One of the biggest concerns anyone who's a Dominant or a submissive in the BDSM lifestyle has is privacy. Although living in a D/s relationship or enjoying kinky fun may be an inherent part of who we are as individuals, what we do and what we enjoy is on the fringe of what's considered "socially acceptable." Which is why protecting each other's privacy is so important.

We don't out each other. We just don't.

So a few weeks ago, when I saw a headline about a "whistleblower" who publicly named a medical doctor for participating in a BDSM blood play/medical scene in a New York dungeon, I was mad. Beyond mad. Pissed off is more accurate.

When I looked into the story and the person's accusations, I was baffled. And even angrier.

This person violated the sanctity of a local dungeon by not only taking pictures but naming names. For those who might not know, most of us who visit a local dungeon or club usually give our Fetlife name or maybe a preferred title we go by. My name isn't really Kayla nor is my Daddy really "Southern Sir" but until we become comfortable with other lifestylers, that's the name we use.

This whistleblower took a picture of a medical doctor in what looks to my eyes to be the throws of some great Dominant energy, publicized the image, his handle, and his real name (link to source below).

Her reason for releasing the information shows a complete lack of understanding of the BDSM community. She claimed that because he took the Hippocratic Oath to do no harm, he should be prevented from these kinds of activities. Here's why she's wrong on so many levels.

1. In that scene, he's a Dominant, not a doctor.

The person he's playing with isn't his patient. This isn't a medical procedure, this is a form of fetish and kink. Quite frankly, whether you follow Safe, Sane, and Consensual (SSC) or Risk-Aware Consensual Kink (RACK), the person you should most want to be involved in blood play is a medical doctor. They have the experience needed to know what they can and can't do and when someone is in danger.

2. Privacy is the one thing we're all supposed to honor.

We don't have to agree with how someone else plays. Your Kink Is Not My Kink (YKINMK) is very real. Just because you're not into what someone else likes, doesn't mean we judge that. And it certainly doesn't mean we out one another. (I may have mentioned it before.) Any one of us could lose a job, lose custody of our children, or the love of family and friends if we're outed as kinky. We don't do this to one another.

3. There were other options.

Every dungeon has dungeon monitors, even if they don't go by that name. There are people whose only job is to make sure that no one is being unsafe, crossing another person's boundaries, or violating consent. If this person had a real concern, talking to the dungeon monitor should have been their number one priority.

The ironic part about this whole story is she didn't identify herself because she didn't want to be judged for being into BDSM, but she had no problem sharing the doctor's name and picture. (She was later identified, proving that the world is a small place, indeed.)

Thankfully, situations like this are extremely rare. Most kinksters can't imagine violating someone else's privacy in such a way. If you're new to the lifestyle, remember, the best way to protect your own privacy is to respect the privacy of others. We don't out each other, and we certainly don't do it on the local news.


Manhattan Bloodletting Fetish Party Criticized Over Health Concerns