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Topping from the Bottom

Topping from the bottom is a misunderstood term in BDSM, especially if you are a novice. Topping from the bottom is when you simultaneously adopt both roles. This could be in the form of giving commands, refusing requests or moving to control the location of impacts during play. Generally, it is frowned upon to try to force the Dominant’s hand to do something they do not wish to do.

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Mentors

Applying mentoring to a BDSM context a mentor is someone that guides and advises a newbie on what to expect, things they might want learn and other items. I believe a mentor should be on the same level as you. There are many opinions out there, but common sense advice can be found in the following series of articles about mentors.

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Play Parties

When you enter the local BDSM community one of the events you may be exposed to is a play party. A play party is an essentially a party where BDSM play can occur. Groups hold parties as a way to learn and educate on safe play methods, chat about topics and generally hang around.Learning about play parties may be intimidating at first but they don’t have to be.

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The Submissive Advent Calendar

The Advent is the time in anticipation for Christmas and is celebrated in some religious circles, but also carries a secular following. Advent translated means “the coming.” I’m sure everyone has seen the cardboard calendars with little doors and chocolate inside; to be opened one a day until Christmas Day.

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Lessons in Submissive Speech

Not long after my first step into the real world of BDSM I learned of a phrase that to this day has no real definition that I can pin to it. That phrase is “speaking submissively.” To me, there is no way to speak submissively that isn’t also speaking respectfully and with deference. Many other people speak the same way in situations that call for it, like in front of a judge or to the president for instance.But I still get questions about how a submissive is supposed to say x, y and z so I thought that I’d do my best to convey what I think would work in a variety of circumstances so that if the occasion arises that you need to “speak submissively” you’ll have something you can say.

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Setting Yourself Up for Rejection

A submissive, dating and seeing Dominants; rarely going past the first few dates can begin to wonder why they are constantly searching and never finding someone to serve. You can develop a closed heart and begin to fear opening yourself up for fear of rejection by yet again another Dominant. And that very well may be the problem.

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What A Submissive Should Bring to Play Sessions

With the wide range or play activities and tools needed for them, you can be sure that you will have at least one full bag of items. Yes submissives, you need to have your own play bag also. I can hear it now though. Dominants use the toys, why do I need to have some? Well here's the scoop. A lot of the toys used on us are not easy or impossible to clean from person to person. These toys should be one person only. In those cases, you definitely should respect your Dominant by bringing your own.

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Processing Pain in Play

This is a great book if you’re wanting to learn how to process pain better during play and is worth its weight in gold.

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Erotic Surrender - The Sensual Joys of Female Submission

If she wanted to write a romance novel then she should have done that instead of disguise a non-fiction book with lyrical descriptions, romantic anecdotes and imaginative language. This just wasn't the book for me.

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Psychological Aspects of Consensual Rape in BDSM Scenarios

"Consensual rape." Quite an oxymoron, I suppose. Rape, by definition, is sexual intercourse in which one party is unwilling and unwanting of the attention and act. A consensual act is something quite contrary to that initial concept of rape. A consensual act is one in which all parties are in agreement as to the parameters, activities, and boundaries of said act. How then, does the term "consensual rape" have any validity at all?

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