I'm often stunned by the amount of mail I get from submissives telling me that they thought submission was going to be easy; that they could stop worrying about life, give up all responsibility and just serve someone else's whims. The fantasy was strong with these men and women and I hate bursting people's bubbles but I've always felt that common sense and real world understanding is better than living in the clouds.

Submission is hard. It's not an escape from the world and it doesn't make you any less of a responsible adult.  Being a supportive partner requires work and devotion. It needs dedication and effort to see it manifest in a healthy and happy way.

So when you realize that you are a submissive type person and are looking for a partner that leads and controls the relationship, it's not an automatic release from the world.

A Dominant person requires a lot from you to make the relationship work well. You need to be trustworthy and honorable, honest and open with your feelings. You need to be their rock and their safe haven. You need to be able to accept change, to learn and grow in the relationship and to be able to express your thoughts and communicate well.

That doesn't come easily, at least not all in one little package. You, as the submissive, have to work at it.

I admit that when I first started bottoming, I thought submission was easy and that those that submitted just didn't have the guts to govern their lives and wanted someone else to do it for them. I had a stereotype created in my head about push overs and lazy people. I also saw something freeing about not having to stress over life and just letting someone take control.

Little did I know that years later I would identify as submissive and I would find that the easy road that I perceived didn't exist at all. I had an internal struggle, I pushed and pushed back all the time. I learned new and valuable traits. I found myself within and learned that submission wasn't the abandoned route that I thought.

Submission is hard. It has to be to make it work. We constantly strive to be a better person and to make sure that we are working in concert with our Dominant partners. That harmony is a sweet bliss that many never reach. But when you do you can see why submission is so worth the work you put into it.

I'm not saying that submission is always hard or that you have to constantly struggle to reach a peace in submission, but realizing that there will be work involved is the first step.

On Submissive Guide and other sites geared towards submissives you will find a common theme; learning, growing and exploring yourself. A supportive submissive is always questioning, always desiring to know more. We have been accused of asking too many questions and thinking too much. It's a good trait to have.

I'm far from perfect, and I have my flaws. I have exclaimed on many occasions that submission is just too hard. I would never stop being submissive though. It's too much a part of me now. I guess what I've learned is that it's not really "submission" that's hard, but the smaller steps that I take that get hard. The journey is made of these steps and some are steeper, muddier or more treacherous than others.

Of course, using that analogy, when you climb a trail and reach the top, if it's been a hard and difficult journey you feel more fulfilled don't you?


  • Have you ever said that submission is hard? What was troubling you at the time?
  • Do you know people who think that submission is a lazy person's role?
  • Is being a Dominant hard? Why or why not?