I first wrote this on FetLife but I think it's time I put it here too. Please note that this is just my opinion and may not reflect the views of my contributors or guest authors.

I got a request for advice in my email (I get a lot of those). In it detailed an affair with a married person and a desire to find a D/s relationship within their own failing marriage.

This is a common email for me. Most of the time I send them my standard, I do not support cheating and can not help you, email. For some reason I responded a bit more in-depth about how this person can work to repair their marriage and perhaps, just maybe add the kink or D/s they desired. But I also didn't shy away about telling them that their other relationship was wrong.

And I got a "you aren't as friendly, supportive, tolerant as you come off online," response.

You are right.

If you contact me with something I find morally reprehensible I am not going to shy away from telling you so. Why should I be supportive when there are open, acceptable ways to have more than one relationship? You do yourself a disservice if you think that sneaking behind someone's back makes you happy.

I promote going out and seeking what you need and want in a D/s relationship. I encourage novices to know when to get out and when to stay. I try my best to show you that you do not have to settle. And even if your situation is complex and you feel you have to stay in a non-kink relationship because of x, y and z at least you know what you have and I can try to help you make the most of a difficult situation.

But I will not help you cheat. I will not support your affairs (physical or otherwise). I will not give you ideas on how to go behind your partner's back to get what you want because you are too afraid, too shy, stuck in a failing relationship or whatever. Cheating is still cheating and I am not going to lower my morals just to make you feel better.