The past month has been a busy month for me, as I prepared and delivered my first presentation at an event. Before this I had never given more than a planned speech in college, and this was a new and exciting experience for me. It didn't come without it's ups and downs however. During the preparation stage I spent countless hours staring at a blank or incomplete outline trying desperately to figure out how I wanted to say what I had to say. It's never an easy thing to give a talk to an audience of your peers and this was going to be a testing ground for me. It had to be well thought out.
That blank screen was taunting me. "You'll never be good enough." "You don't know everything there is to know about the topic." "Why would anyone listen to you?" Each whispered phrase egging me into quitting; to putting it off to the last moment where each of these phrases would then become truths. It wasn't until I started writing key points that I began to realize that I had something worth while to share.
Part of my hesitation for this outline was that much of the terms and understanding I had, came from someone else. I had picked up a lot from their discussion and from that, I had to drive to learn so much more. This resulted in my confidence that what I knew was interesting to others and worth sharing. It was my own because I could relate to it.
Through this entire process, I've found a connection with my own struggle in submission a correlation that I'd like to share with you.
The information that we all pick up as we learn about submission and service is second-hand. We read articles and sites like this one, we head out into the local community and dabble behind closed doors. Gleaning information as we tend to do leaves us a bit insecure and sometimes that can cause us to hesitate in our submission. I know sometimes I feel like what I've learned might not be right, or that what I'm doing is so weird or different from others that people might think I'm not submissive at all.
So then that little voice steps in and tries to break me down. "You are not as good as that submissive," "you will never reach your goals." As I listened to them I began to physically and emotionally respond. My service dwindled, my attitude was corrupted and my focus was all but gone.
I had put all this work into a good show for Master but lost touch with why I was submissive to begin with. I am submissive because it is a part of who I am and I'm familiar with it. Just as this presentation taught others what I had made sure I as familiar with I know that I can resettle back into the familiar place of my submission.
An outline is a decent way to go about it. Sure it seems odd at first, but once you write down your key reasons for being submissive and then flesh it out with how to improve, what your talents, skills, and abilities are it's nice to see it all written out. I've referred to the 0utline a couple times so far when I feel that inner voice creep in to break me down.
I am confident that with preparation and continued work that I will resolve my struggles and in the end be a better person and submissive.
Thoughts to Ponder
- Have you ever had a moment where a mundane task helped you see a flaw in your submission? What did you do with that information?
- Do you carry any self-doubt? What does your inner voice say to you? How do you shut it down?