“How can I be the submissive he wants me to be?”

“Can you give me advice on how to be the best submissive I can be?” “How do I know I’m going to be a good slave?”

I get these questions all the time and they are a valid and reasonable concern. All of us no matter our experience level, wants to reach our potential and please our Dominants. It’s what makes us life explorers and dream adventurers. Submissives all over the world are hard workers, constantly asking the hard questions, and focusing on what will make us the best possible people we can be.

So when I get this sort of question, I’m pretty sure that what the submissive needs are a confidence boost. You might want to bookmark this article so that you too can return to it when you need a bit of reassurance yourself.

You are worth it. No matter what sort of submissive you are, you have potential to excel in everything you put your mind to. All it requires is three simple steps and you will be well on your way to realizing your potential.


Stop wherever you are and look at yourself and what you are doing. Your behavior is the first example of a submissive. If you see that it needs improvement then do that. Use the definition you have for a submissive to figure out how to behave. Does a submissive have a bad attitude, use foul language or act lazy? If the definition you have doesn’t include those things, learn to shape up.

Watch other submissives and slaves that you respect. How do they behave? How can you emulate them? A lot of what we learn about ourselves is what we see as positive and negative behaviors in others. We are a copy-cat species. We like to copy what we see around us. There is nothing wrong in that, as long as you feel good about what you have picked up from others.

Another way to look at yourself is to reflect on how you were just months or years ago. Where have you changed and grown as a person and submissive? You have proven to yourself that you can do it, so don’t give up. Some days will be harder - that’s to be expected. But never let yourself despair.  Your future self will appreciate the work you are putting into yourself today.


You can learn about yourself and your value as a submissive by listening to what’s being said around you. Does your Dominant praise you? Do you get to hear “good girl” often? A lot of the time our concerns are just in our head - when we listen to what others are saying about ourselves we find we really are a good person, a valuable asset to our Dominants and a good submissive. I know I’m a worry wart. I often catch myself worrying how I look to others and if I am being a good example to my friends and acquaintances. All you have to do though is open your heart to hear the compliments and accept them genuinely and completely.

Go to the ultimate source, your Dominant. Ask them what you can do for them to be a better submissive. You may be surprised that they already consider you a perfect fit. And even if they suggest some things, use it as constructive criticism and learn from it. After all, you did ask them.


One of the best ways to boost your confidence is to share your story. Even if it’s just with your closest submissive friend, take some time to talk about your life and your joy in serving your Dominant. Write about your everyday life, record your memories and reflect on your choices.

Teach a class, go to a forum or just write in a forum or blog about your life. Let others see and read about your struggles, your imperfections, and your joys. Confidence in yourself will flow out on these pages and you know what? It comes back to you even brighter. Because you will feel validated through comments and praise.

You are already a good submissive - even if you are brand new. That’s because you have the potential to be great and you know how to get there. Love that your perfect self is just under the surface and every day that you fulfill your greatest needs and desires is one day closer to your personal perfection. Don’t question it, just be.

Ask yourself: What do you love about your submission? Do you have confidence in yourself? Using this post how can you improve your confidence?