I told my Dom I needed more to do, as far rules, responsibilities etc.. what are some good things for me to do?? We both work full-time but I need routine..any suggestions? He's asking me to give Him examples and I have nothing.. thank you!!  --Lovenvrdies

Dear Lovenvrdies,

Are you sure you need him to give you more rules and responsibilities or is it that you feel something else missing and are trying to fill it in with routine? I ask because it is often the case that when a submissive asks for more rules, structure, routine or responsibility that they always have something in mind that is lacking that they want to fill. More often than not that is a sense of submission, a loss of mindset or a feeling of connection with their Dominant. So, developing rules and routine to help feed that is natural. But it doesn't always provide that connection. Figuring out the base need and discussing it helps far more than filling it with tasks.

It's also not just the Dominant's responsibility. You too can come up with routine and ritual to help you feel connected to your submission. Let's take something simple for example. You come home from work and feel tired, but want to reconnect with your submission so that you can serve your Dominant that evening. But you don't know what to do to do that. Try a coming home ritual. This can be changing clothes, taking a shower, putting on something that they like, or maybe changing your collar, if possible to one that is private vs the everyday one. Or you could have a phrase or mantra that you say while you make your afternoon coffee that reaffirms who you are to your Dominant. These suggestions do not need your Dominant to give them, or manage them or even be a part of them. They are for your own submissive purpose.

Rules are also desirable when you find you have a bad habit or negative trait that you'd like to work on. Having the Dominant establish limits and rules on that can help you focus on what you'd like to change. You can come up with an action plan for correcting the bad habit and then ask if your Dominant can be an accountability partner for that. It's still your responsibility to do these things, and then follow-up with him to make sure you are complying.

Reading other submissive's blogs you can get an idea of what other people have for rules and responsibilities. It's always an option to select ones from someone else that you like and might work for you and your own situation. There is a decent list of BDSM-related blogs on  BDSM Blogs list where you can browse other people's journals for ideas. Since I do not know your exact situation (what type of relationship you have, if it's 24/7, how long you've been together, what rules you currently have) I can't give you direct ideas that may apply but I can come up with a few general thoughts on routine and rules that might help you come up with your own ideas.

If you are craving interaction with your Dominant then perhaps you do something for him that he normally does himself. You could offer to remove his shoes when he gets home. You could greet him in some fashion that declares you are ready for serving him. Make something that is normally mundane and turn it into something special.

  • Select a task that he does every day that you are there for.
  • Consider how you can take over or help in this task.
  • Decide if you can make it special or ritualized in some way to help you with feelings of submission and connection to him.
  • Ask him about the task and your ideas to change it and see if he's willing to try it out.

Many of the rules and routine that other submissives have are just enhanced versions of what they already do or don't do or are working to correct bad habits and undesirable traits. Once you know what you'd like the rules to do you can come up with ones that might work for your situation.