One of the many unique things about being a submissive is that you can focus your development any which way you choose. You can focus on service or sex, kinky play or happy devotion. Your submission can be part time, full time or somewhere in-between. No one should judge you for how you want to live your life (and if they do then they are the ones in the wrong). So, imagine my wonderment when early on in my personal development I encountered submissives and slaves that say they have a slave heart and they have a heart to serve. Or better yet, that you have to have a slave heart in order to serve. They went on to say that they don't have to work on their submission, that it comes from the heart and is easy for them.

What in the world is a slave heart and why don't I have one? I would wonder on several occasions. I had a belief in those first few months that I needed to earn it, like a certificate or degree. Nowhere did I find anything about how to get my slave heart.

Not until about a year later (yes I was quite naive) did I realize that a slave heart wasn't something you earned. It's a part of you. This realization also made me understand that I needed to get off the internet. For the most part, a slave heart was online. No one I know now talks about having a slave heart. Even those that are Gorean don't use it as a description of their submission.

So where did it come from? There is no mention of a slave heart or slave's heart in the Books of Gor by John Norman( so I can't say that he invented it for his works of fiction. It's constantly developed on IRC in Gorean chat rooms, that I'm sure.

Worse still are the people who wear it like a mantel, a banner that says I'm better at this submission stuff than you are. People like that really get me miffed so, you won't get the high and mighty crap from me.

But even if this was invented online can we use this phrase to really mean something to us? Sure we can. I actually like a definition I saw on rebecca's blog submissive with a slave heart (

The submissive with the slave’s heart desires to give her/his heart as well as her/his submission to the Dominant. This type submission is complete and will carry over into everyday life, the power is always given no matter where the submissive is.

From here I can really simplify it and say that if you have a desire to serve completely in whatever capacity you find the most welcome in your life then you too have a slave heart.  The online community is by far the most prolific as far as BDSM goes. There you can find just about any definition, explanation, idea or thought that you could possibly have for anything in the Lifestyle. Including that of a Slave Heart. It is my personal belief that this is another one of the many words that have personal definitions. Each of us can have a Slave Heart because only you can give it a definition that will mean something to you.

Perhaps after all this, a slave heart is just that undeniable need to please someone else without something return. Isn't that what all of us seek?

Thoughts to Ponder

  1. Have you referred to your submission as having a slave heart? What does it mean to you?
  2. Is a slave heart a specialized term for higher protocol service?
  3. How would you respond to someone if they said you had to have a slave heart to be a slave?

Online References

A Slave's Heart FetLife Group

Gorean Slave: IRC Meets Real Life

any others? let me know Thank you!