I heard about Decoding Your Kink by Galen Fous MPT from Facebook. In several BDSM groups I’m in, this book was mentioned and had received positive feedback from those who read it and after seeing so many others interested in this book, my interest was piqued and decided to check it out. So I hopped right over to Amazon and picked up a copy.
I had never heard of the author before hearing of this book. So, I have to admit that made me even more curious about the book. The people who were recommending this book are people who are rather well known in the sex and kink community, so I figured that the author knew his stuff. And, he does. But before I go much further, I want to give you a little background about the author. Galen Fous, MTP has spent the past fifteen years as a sex positive sexuality counselor who has been helping individuals and couples come to terms with their sexuality and overcome past shame, fears, and trauma that these people have experienced. He’s also written several pieces that have been featured on The Good Men Project website as well as publicly active in sex positive, fetish/kink, and conscious sexuality communities since 1998.
This isn’t an introduction into BDSM book. Most of those talk about different types of play, checklists, contracts, and the rest of the usual stuff. This book is pretty much about the psychological aspect of being kinky and how society has taught people how sex is bad and to feel guilty about enjoying and embracing our kinks and the effect that society’s opinion towards sex has had on individuals. When I started reading this book, I assumed that I was picking up your average introduction to BDSM book. It was a nice surprise when I realized that wasn’t what I was reading. It was refreshing to see a book more about the psychological than the how to. As Fous talks about things, it makes the reader think about why they are drawn to their kinks, their own experiences they’ve had when fighting against societal norms, and why there’s no reason to feel guilt or shame for your sexual desires.
There are a couple of terms that Fous has coined and does use throughout the book. These did kind of throw me for a bit and are used quite often throughout the book, so it’s important to understand these words or you may find yourself a bit lost later on in the book. This did happen to me because at first I didn’t realize I would be seeing these words again at a later point.
The first word is fetishsexuality. Fous defines fetishsexuality as a representation of broad range of diverse practices, relationships, and communities within this over-arching term. The second is personal erotic myth, or PEM. Personal erotic myth is an innate, inherent, authentic sexual story or myth that is present and engaged in at some level during sex. Like any mythic tale, it contains fantasy imagery, story-lines, dialogue, props, settings, attire, personas and actions, that drive a person that has a PEM to orgasm, or other deep erotic states. It is often expressed in fetish, kink and D/s-BDSM oriented sex.
I really enjoyed reading this book. For me, I could tell that Fous poured his heart and soul into writing this book in hopes of helping other people who struggle with their sexual desires. This book is work of love. It is filled with the author’s own personal experiences and experiences of his clients. In my opinion, especially with sharing his own rocky path when dealing with being outed by his ex-wife, it helps readers know that they are not alone; that they aren’t the only ones who have had to deal with having their kink used against them and that feelings of shame and guilt can be overcome so that one can have a fulfilling sex life. While I was reading, I found myself highlighting and saving quite a few passages and feel like I have taken a lot away from this book. It gave me a lot to think about in terms of how I view and express my kinks and think more about how I feel towards them. It also helped me see how far I have come in my journey in the lifestyle, how once upon a time I was terrified to let anyone know about my kinks out of fear of rejection and also telling myself that I’m defective or a deviant for enjoying the things that I do. This isn’t a book to just skim through. To get the most of it, you need to take your time reading and processing and thinking about what you have read and how it applies to you and what steps you can do to help yourself alleviate any guilt or shame you may be feeling towards your own sexuality.
You can purchase a copy of Decoding Your Kink by Galen Faous in paperback and ebook form from Amazon today and you can visit the author's website for more information about Fous and the book.
Tequila R's Rating:
CreateSpace Independent Publishing Platform (November 25, 2015)