There are a lot of things on the internet talking about topping from the bottom as being a bad submissive thing. It's made people terrified that everything they do could be crossing that terrible line.

It's not true. I've mentioned it before and I'll say it again. Bottom topping isn't as bad as it is hyped.

First, what is topping from the bottom? It's the intentional act of trying to force your Dominant's hand to do what you want whether that be play related or relationship related.  In most cases, it happens when the submissive doesn't give the Dominant a choice to decide for themselves if they want to do as you ask. It's very common for novices to do this without knowing the difference and until you learn you'll just have to listen to your Dominant.

The fear of doing this is overblown hype, for the most part.

There are Dominants that like a bit of bratty, sassy behavior in a submissive. In these situations, a bit of bottom topping is likely and sometimes expected. In these relationships, it's all a part of the play or relationship. Just because it looks like topping from the bottom from your perspective it isn't to the couple involved. I've witnessed a couple scenes where this dynamic works out quite well and you can tell that the two are enjoying themselves.

If the submissive is the experienced one and the Dominant is new, then bottom topping is expected at least for awhile until the Dominant learns to read the submissive and how to use different play techniques correctly. In this case, the submissive is guiding the Dominant - but think about how you would react if you were watching a scene with the two in these roles. You'd think the sub was out of bounds on several occasions.

Now, getting past being afraid to enact this faux pax is difficult. Accept that you will in the beginning. Here are some examples that can be topping from the bottom in select situations.

"Spank me now!"

"You should use the soft paddle on me now."

"Can't you make your own coffee?"

You may notice that the examples I've given sound like commands and that's a huge identifier. You can easily change these to be submissive requests and no longer push the bottom topping limit by rewording them.

"Would you spank me now please?"

"Could you switch to the soft paddle please?"

"Would you mind making your own coffee?"

These are of course basic examples for presentation but you get my point I hope.

Don't let others scare you into thinking you are doing something absolutely horrible by bottom topping. Everyone has instances that they slip. It's normal. A good Dominant is going to recognize it for what it is and correct it. They aren't going to allow themselves to be a push over. So don't fear.


  • What do you know about topping from the bottom?
  • How is it portrayed in your social circles (online or real time)?

Let me know the answers and your thoughts in the comments!