Before I entered a D/s relationship masturbation was a regular recreational activity for me. It was also private. Even when I was married I didn't masturbate in front of him or let him know when I was taking care of myself. It just wasn't something I shared. Neither did he.

And then I committed myself to KnyghtMare and that all changed. If you think that being in a D/s relationship means you can still keep this secret you'd be kidding yourself. In fact, for my and probably many of your relationships, orgasms are probably the first thing your Dominant wants to control. Masturbation becomes a shared event; even if it just means you have to tell them when you do it. I have to ask to have orgasms as they 'don't belong to me' anymore.

It's wasn't a comfortable thing to start telling someone else that I was masturbating. For awhile I decided I wasn't going to masturbate so that I wouldn't have to tell him, but that didn't last long. It's pretty hard to not be horny all the time around KnyghtMare. So, I broke down and asked him if I could masturbate. I was embarrassed and uncomfortable but he dealt with it like he does everything, calm patience. He granted the request but wanted to watch.


That's right, masturbation, that private self-love was no longer going to be private for me. The first time I did that in front of him was a very uncomfortable but hot experience. I had trouble letting myself have natural reactions to the pleasure I was feeling and the fake responses were obviously not what he wanted. Months into training for this I got a lot better at it. That's right, I had to practice to respond naturally.

As our relationship changed and matured he gave me my private masturbation privileges back. He still has the condition that I tell him when I've masturbated. Once I got my ability back I noticed something amazing.

I didn't have the craving to masturbate without him around. Granted I still occasionally masturbate alone, but that driving force that I had as single wasn't there. I could explain it that the orgasms he gives me are amazing and I don't have a need for sexual release very often outside of what he does for me.

When I do masturbate it is usually purely to relieve stress and to help me sleep, of all things. Master sometimes likes to know what I fantasized about, and I do sometimes but if the goal is stress relief then I rarely take a long time and want to get straight to the orgasm. I'm not even sure I could play with myself all the long to need to take out more than a vibrator or favorite Hitachi. There's just so much for fun when Master is there than when I'm alone to consider it.

How does masturbation change for your relationship? I sometimes wish I was the sort of submissive allowed to masturbate all she wanted (and did it) instead of always cautious of getting caught!

Also, check out bgtreasure's  article on Masturbation in a D/s relationship!