When you are a single submissive it can feel like a lonely place. Every kinky place you go it seems like everyone is already in a relationship and there is no room for you.

But that’s not true; being a single submissive can be a special time in your exploration and development.

When you walk into a room full of kinky people as a single person it can seem so overwhelming and depressing as you realize that the multitude have partners already and you are an oddball out. That may not always be the case, but if you look around you, there should be single submissives just like you braving the community.

It is a daunting prospect to mingle with couples who already have someone to experience all the things you are hoping to have one day but that shouldn't exclude you from being a part of the BDSM community now. You have a lot to learn and give to a community that perhaps couples can’t do.


The discussions that go on during a munch can help your learning and understanding of your chosen role and your place in a D/s relationship. Asking questions is never a stupid thing, even if you feel silly asking. Getting your questions answered is that one step closer to feeling less uncomfortable in a couple's world.

Not only avail yourself for discussion and friendship but offer your help and services to the leaders for things they may need volunteers for. Munch groups are always looking for help to plan, set up and tear down the event site. There is so much you can do even if you are a shy or timid person behind the scenes.

Make Friends

People already in a D/s relationship where you were once. They make fantastic friends and advisors for those new to the scene but also single. You can get pointers about who is safe to play with at play parties and the members of the community that are also looking but perhaps not at the event that day. They can also be a support system for safe calls, sub drop help and so much more.

And why not have some friends to hang out with?! Finding a comfortable group of people to be yourself and relax in is a great comfort to a single submissive.

The more you show yourself as a valuable person in the community means you are more likely to peak someone’s interest that is looking for someone just like you. Don’t forget that what you do that is indirectly related to someone else can be a new way to show someone how wonderful you are.

Thoughts to Ponder

Put your single submissive goals in focus. Take out a sheet of paper and write 3 things you'd like to do as a single submissive. Post these three things somewhere you will always see them, like in front of your computer. Refer to them often and make progress towards your goals.

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