My question is not so much specifically for a submissive, to be honest, i don't know where to go about this. But after all i have read from you, Luna, i respect your opinions & views & thought you would be best to ask. I have noticed that in the last few years, so many of the "newbie" subs seem to not care at all about respect. They are rude & think they have no need to show respect to other dominants except their own. I am not saying bow down or serve any dominant. I am referring to simply in normal conversation. I have witnessed an old school dominant say something & a new sub that had absolutely nothing to do with the conversation speak up & challenge Him. (again, quite disrespectfully) They even do it to other subs who stick to the old school rules. They ask them why they would behave this way or that, why they speak the way they do, why they call someone Sir. Not out of curiosity, but as if looking down their noses at them. I fear with more "subs" popping up with this attitude, that the ways of the BDSM i know, love & respect will fall to the wayside some day & be replaced by belligerent, arrogant fools who have ruined a beautiful lifestyle. What can i say to those who snub their noses at the old school ways of BDSM to maybe make them see how damaging what they are doing is? Or even possibly help to change their attitudes? Please help me with this, Luna, as i am at a loss & this subject is extremely important to me.


Dear "at a loss",

If I understand you correctly, you feel that the new submissives joining your community are being disrespectful and not behaving submissively at public functions.  Honestly, I would expect new people to act however they were raised until they learn the nuances of a new social atmosphere. Perhaps the people you are encountering weren't raised to be polite and respectful of others, and perhaps they are acting that way because they are new and controlling their own boundaries.

Another thought is that the "old school" ways are fading. The huge influx of new people and the more open accessibility will make the protocol-driven Leather Lifestyle smaller and fewer people are familiar with it. Teaching people about it is the only way you can hopefully get anyone to understand why it is important to you to show respect to others at the social functions. It's naivete and unfamiliar territory. Show them, teach them. Help them understand.

New people haven't ruined it. Nothing remains the same, things change and you may have to accept that the BDSM culture is shifting - not to a rude and disrespectful sort, but one full of novices that need education and understanding. No longer is there an underground access to BDSM groups. Casual players, as well as 24/7 participants, inhabit the same space.

It's really hard to speculate why someone is acting a certain way without asking them. I'd suggest you talk to the new submissives and share with them why the "old school" ways are important to know and respect. If all else fails, don't associate with them. Then you can uphold your "old school" traditions without concerning yourself with the new breed.