From the Submissive Guide Newsletter 2/01/14

It's common for relationships that are D/s in nature to start out in the bedroom and then slowly move to fill part or all of your life. But the daunting task of adjusting to that transition is enough to scare people away from ever doing it or from maintaining it for very long. Not only is it stressful, but it could lead to you questioning your submission, the relationship and D/s in general. No one really lives this full-time, do they? That's a myth, right?


I'm living the perfect, ideal life of a slave in a 24/7 relationship. It didn't start out that way but the stars aligned and we worked hard to make it work for us. Now I couldn't be happier. But, trust me, there were times I wanted to throw in the towel and give up. It's hard to adjust and live this way. Not impossible, but harder than anything I've ever tried to do before. I'm going to share a bit of what I learned from my own efforts in transitioning and hopefully they will help you too if you choose to move your submission from the bedroom to more or from more to total surrender in a Master/slave relationship.

Take it slow.

It's not the destination, it's the journey.The goal of 24/7 D/s is a fantastic one to have, but all those ideas and dreams can't happen overnight. You have to adjust and change your relationship slowly to get there. Enjoy each change that you adopt and continue to talk to each other about how those changes feel to you. Some things that you try won't work but other things may be fantastic shifts in the relationship. Trial and error have their place in any relationship.

You can't go every direction at the same time.

I know you probably have a lot of ideas for how you'd like your dream relationship to look, but you can't change and enhance all aspects of your relationship at once. Just like taking those small steps, you have to choose one path at a time, and when it forks you can make a choice to go another direction. Even if you don't have an idea for what the final outcome will be, remember that you are making progress with the smallest choices so keep pushing through them.

Understand that with every step forward you may have a step back.

KnyghtMare and I tried many things we had read about that sounded interesting but in the end, we had to put them aside. They just didn't work for us. They felt forced or odd or were too much work to keep up. A successful D/s or M/s relationship should be work, but there is such a thing as making too much work for yourself. We were there a few times. So we stepped back and reaffirmed the core of our relationship again before starting something new.

You will hit a wall.

Learn to climb it or break it down. Take, for example, you are attempting to add more ritual in your dynamic. Ritual is those organized moments of focus on your particular place in the relationship. I use a mantra for that. Now, adding something you aren't accustomed to can be a good change, but often it can leave you screaming in wonder at its purpose. A wall that you can face has to do with differences in relationship expectations. As you grow and develop your personal submission, they too are developing their personal Dominance. If you find a time where they don't seem to mesh well, sit down and talk about the wall that has come up. Then figure out how to make it work. Not all incompatibilities are insurmountable. Some are so fleeting that just a calm adult conversation can resolve it. Toss them a line and they will climb, trust me. Relationships are worth every effort.

Communication is more important now than ever.

We say it all the time that communication is important, but it's even more necessary for a transparent exchange when things are changing and you may get confused easier or lost on the path to your mutual goals. Schedule weekly meetings to talk about where you are, the problems you had that week and what worked well for you. Enjoy your time together and don't criticize your partner.

If you are having a harder them then you expected perhaps you should back up a bit. Sitting in a zone that feels comfortable and good for a while can help relieve the stress of new things and perhaps give you a new view of your world. A lot of the best things come out of comfortable silence.

I do wish you the best in reaching your dreams. Full-Time D/s or M/s is not easy, but they are worth every bit of blood, sweat, and tears you pour into it.

Thoughts to Ponder

  1. Are you in a 24/7 D/s or M/s relationship? Was it an easy transition for you from where you started? What issues came up as you learned new methods of living?
  2. Why do you think some relationships don't do well as 24/7 power exchange intensive relationships? Is there something that both people bring to the table that makes them not successful?
  3. What other ways can you work through the challenges of learning to bring power exchange throughout your life?