It's easy to fall in love, but hard to find the right person to catch you. ~ @iam_jhurlz

Dominants the world over are unique and different - just like we are. And when you are on the look out for the one to partner with it can get overwhelming. The qualities to look for in a Dominant are subjective but perhaps we can figure out some basics to help you along the way.

So, what does a good Dom look like?

  • Are they nice with a mean streak?
  • Do they wear their emotions on their sleeve keep them smolderingĀ inside?
  • Are they full of experience or buzzing with ingenious explorations on the horizon?
  • Do you envision a mature partner or a young up and comer?

No matter what you dream about (and I know you dream) in a Dominant there is a person out there just for you. There are also a bunch of incompatible, poor quality Dominants that don't deserve your time.

Unfortunately you're going to have to date a lot of Dominants in order to find the one for you.

Get off the Internet

If you are looking for a relationship that stands the test of time then you are going to have to meet them, get to know them and find out if you enjoy their company. Technology seems to be the way to find people recently, but if you don't move off the screen as soon as possible you will never know if someone is really worth your time.

The Internet creates an illusion of a perfect Dominant that you need to break in order to find your compatible mate. You can be anything and anyone you want to be online. The computer screen provides security and anonymity. In order to find your life mate you are going to have to face the person in real life.


We've all been on dates. Dating a prospective Dominant is no different. You are getting to know one another and should be treating it just like a date that you may go on with a vanilla partner. Sure there are going to be some different conversations about D/s or your limits and whatnot but the premise is the same. Don't think that just because you are kinky or looking for a Dominant that they shouldn't stand up to the same yardstick you held for partners before them.

If the guy(or girl) is a creep they don't get a pass just because they are a Dominant. Remember that you have to spend time with them as people too, even if the D/s is going to be full-time. You need to be able to enjoy their company on a basic level too.

Above and Beyond

Compatibility for a D/s couple of any sort is not just based on if you get along as people. You have to have the same ideas and definitions. So, while you get to know them, find out if these things are the same for both of you.

  • Definition of Dominant and submissive/slave
  • What a D/s relationship is
  • What kind of relationship you're looking for (monogamy, polyamory, open, other)
  • Play activities you enjoy
  • Limits

What else should be on this list? Let me know in the comments what you think helps you find a compatible Dominant.