Many of my blog stalkers (you know who you are) are aware that just over a year ago KnyghtMare collared another submissive and officially made us a poly group. We never saw ourselves as polyamorous before, in fact, KnyghtMare and I were firmly in the monogamous camp until froggyKM came along and blew that all out of the water. But, moving on we have found a happy medium where we are growing as individuals and a group. It's been a great experience so far!
One of the most common questions I get asked, and I'm sure others in poly relationships do too, is if I have sex with froggyKM. The short answer is no. I'm not bisexual, although froggyKM is, and I have no interest in getting freaky with her. The long answer is that just because someone is poly does not mean that they have sexual relationships with everyone in the group.
A frequent misconception with poly is that it's orgiastic group sex all the time. And sure that's one way to be poly. But it's not the only way. Polyamorous relationships are complex and varied so I thought I'd discuss what makes our relationship work and how that would look to you from the outside.
Feel free to ask questions in the comments!
KnyghtMare and I have the primary relationship and then froggyKM and KnyghtMare have a secondary relationship. If you had to draw a picture of it, it would be like an equilateral triangle with KnyghtMare at the top, froggyKM and I at the bottom and then no line connecting her and I (Stargate symbol for Earth anyone?). A common thought is that we really have a triad relationship - but that just isn't so with us. He's affectionate and treats us similarly in public. We do have our own strengths and instructions from him that make each relationship unique but we work well in concert also.
As for how intimacy happens in our relationships is that it's private. I have always felt that sexual intimacy shouldn't be shared with others so I'm not around when they have sex and she's not around when KnyghtMare and I have sex. There are exceptions to this if a scene is going on that there could be sexual interaction with the other person present. We have also had a couple threesome-like blowjobs where KnyghtMare is on the receiving end.
But the emphasis of privacy for sex is a big one for me. It's just none of my business. It's a part of their relationship, not mine. I don't want to share the sexual intimacy that KnyghtMare and I have either.
So, in my opinion, sexual exclusivity can exist. I even have my relationship status on FetLife as "monogamous with KnyghtMare". I find nothing unusual with the fact that I don't know every sordid detail of what the do in the bedroom. And I definitely don't want to watch!
If you want to learn more about Poly Relationships I suggest The Polyamory Weekly podcast.
Are you in a poly relationship? What does it look like if you had to describe it?