"Subbie Siblings - we either love or hate this phrase. While the lifestyle is unique to each of us, do we have things in common that set us aside from other women? Do we naturally form a close bond and a willingness to help, or are we just here selfishly to get what we can get without a care of another’s feelings?"
I naturally seek to help people constantly, almost to a detriment. I want to assist people financially, academically, mentally, physically, and I rarely expect anything as a compensation for my time, effort, or money. I very much care about how people are feeling and have, in the past, tried to help a stranger who was expressing discomfort or sadness. It was not until I came abroad, however, that I realized why I am this way, and how other people act in such situations.
I am living in Austria. Here the people are not cold, but they are removed from situations with which they are not directly involved. They do not smile on the train when eye contact is made and they do not strike up a random conversation when you are standing next to them in line. When you have something in common with an Austrian, however, such as living in the same building and facing a similar issue (in my case, a gas leak) or being on the same team, they are incredibly friendly and hospitable. But they need something in common to interact with you.
I realized that while this is exaggerated in Austria, as opposed to the United States, the situation is true everywhere. Psychologically speaking, people who feel that they have something in common, if it is only the color of a pen that an experimenter hands out, they are much kinder to that individual.
Within the lifestyle, I think that this concept is incredibly pertinent. We are compassionate and willing to help others who we feel are most similar to us. I am a member of many Facebook groups and the lifestyle related groups are far more active than any of the others. People are free-flowing with questions and advice constantly on a variety of thoughts. They comfort one another when someone is sad, and they help to resolve issues when they arise. I think this is because this is the only place which they have people who they identify with about this facet of their lifestyle.
Within that, however, there are particular people who seek to provide support to everyone, however, most people, some of the administrators included, only offer genuine help to those who they feel most close to. For example, I asked a question of other people about their experiences as a babygirl when I was still struggling with my identity within the lifestyle. An admin felt that my question was not worthwhile and gave me an incredibly snarky response, which ostracized me temporarily from the group and thus no one else stepped forward to answer my question because they did not view me as being like them.
I think that the same is true on educational websites such as this one. People will comment on posts that particularly resonate with them. They are more likely to read articles by authors whom they feel are most similar to them in some way – whether that be emotionally, physically, or in terms of the role which they play with their Dominant. We are more likely to care about people who are like us.
That being said, there are many people who come to websites, such as this, seeking particular information and not caring about other people’s experiences. There are people who are just by nature more or less compassionate towards others – perhaps due to more life experiences which allow them to better relate to others. Overall, however, I think that most people accent the idea of the term “Subbie Siblings” because, despite differences and nuances within our relationships, we are all interacting with a socially taboo subject.