When it comes to the idea of topping from the bottom, which I've covered several times on the site already, the most common idea that gets bantered about is if asking and requesting something is topping from the bottom. Oftentimes, with novice submissives, it is assumed that showing any sort of desire for something that was not suggested by the Dominant would be topping from the bottom.
Let me tell you now, having desires and asking for them to be fulfilled is not topping from the bottom. It's being an active partner in a relationship. Better yet if you request to play, for example, you are feeding his dominant desires by giving him a chance to be Dominant. As long as you leave him to decide whether he will play, when to play and so forth you will be driving him to be more dominant and it will give you an opportunity to enhance your submission in the process. What more could you ask for?
Lately, I've seen far too many topics of conversation that focus on the don'ts and shouldn'ts that come with learning about D/s. There are far too many good things out there that you can and should be doing that focusing on the negative sounds depressing and well, negative. We can be a submissive and still have desires. Our Dominants have a right to know what those are, and even if you have 10 years experience that doesn't mean they already know them. New desires happen every single day. You should be sharing them and openly inviting them to explore them with you.
When you feed your partner's Dominance by giving them opportunities to exert more control, try a new play activity or just because it's been awhile and you need some attention, you give them the fuel they need to be Dominant. Just as you've probably heard the saying, "you can't submit in a vacuum" the same holds true for Dominance. They need to be given chances that may not be obvious to them to take control, and we'll reap the benefits.
So, what kinds of things feed his Dominance?
- Approach them with something you've learned about and are curious to try with them.
- Discuss an article or thread that you find interesting and ask what you can do to apply x,y and z to your own life.
- Share a struggle you are having with your submission and ask if there is anything they can do to help.
- Bring them your favorite (or least favorite) toy/too/implement and ask them to play.
- Offer to bring them something when they aren't expecting it, like watching the big game.
- Set aside time to talk about your concerns with the relationship, or new needs/wants that have come to the surface.
- Go to a BDSM conference together; seeing others in a D/s setting can fuel their own.
- Ask to have an intensive hour/day/weekend where you are fully in role away from the struggle of daily life.
- Ask them if you can kneel or sit by their side while they continue with what they are doing.
- Suggest adding a small ritual that you do together every day to reconnect. It can be as simple as greeting each other when you get home with your D/s titles (Master/slave, etc).
There are many other things you could do that help feed your partner's dominance and in turn recharge your own submissive battery. What ideas do you have? Let me know in the comments how you re-awaken your partner's Dominance?