This is a question tammy asked for March Question Month:
I have had a few Doms and I am in a relationship where I live with one.I didn't think I could find someone that makes me this happy but I did. The problem is I keep thinking about my first Dom that introduced me into this life. We were together for two months. I feel like I am cheating or something when I think about him but I don't want him. My Dom wants to know what I'm thinking and I can't tell him. How do I deal with this?
I asked her for more clarification and this is what she said:
Ok, He taught me about D/s relationship and made me realize that I am a sub.I could talk to him about anything. We were looking to move in together.I wonder what and where he is and remember the little things he would say and do.Then I start wishing that I could talk to him.He is in the past but I can't let go but I want to.It has been long enough that I should be over him by now. I don't understand b/c I am happier than I have ever been. This is confusing and frustrating.I talk in my sleep and I'm scared that I will say something I shouldn't.
First, I can understand an attachment to your first Dominant. With any relationship, there is going to be fond memories of your first. It is okay to reflect on these experiences but it sounds like you are spending too much time thinking about your past experiences.
You need to let go of your past Dominant's memory. He has no bearing on your life now and you should be focusing on your new budding relationship. But you already realize this or you wouldn't be asking for help. You may not like what I'm going to suggest but talk to your Dominant. You need to tell him that you are having problems moving past your old relationship no matter how happy he makes you and ask him if it would be okay to talk to him about your past relationship. Perhaps getting it out in the open will allow you to move on.
It's unclear how long you were single before moving on to your new Dominant but perhaps you did so too quickly. Everyone takes different amounts of time to work through and say goodbye to old flames. In order to move into your new relationship, you must let the past go. The following post I found online is really helpful in learning how to move on from a breakup. How to Move On, 10 Steps For Post Break-Up Closure I recommend you give it a look over and try some of the tips there.
I must strongly advise against keeping these thoughts from your Dominant, no matter how painful they may be. Not being fully open and truthful can be harmful to your relationship; especially since you are afraid he will hear something in your sleep that you haven't shared yet.
Anyone have any advice for tammy?