Mentoring, self-help and submissive exploration

Ted_subby is a 49 year old submissive to his monogamous dominant wife of over a dozen years. On his male submission web page at he posts fictional stories as well as a blog of his experiences with his dominant wife. Feel free to message him on FetLife or e-mail.

8 responses to “Male Submission – Fantasy vs Reality”

  1. bonimiss

    Another fascinating account of male submission @ted_subby. You explain your viewpoint very well.

  2. Jul 23, 2013 – A public beating | BDSM Ted_subby
  3. Cautious

    Sorry not sure if my msg was sent earlier my phone went off

    Hey I read your article and I have a question – I met a guy online and we started talking about bdsm but for some reason he stopped chatting to me online that was 6 months ago. I got a MSG from him yesterday saying he changed his phone and somehow my number got missing – he said if I was still interested he was an available sub – I told him I wasn’t experienced he said it was ok he has done all that can be done and his willing to eat my poop – that literally turned me off I mean my idea of a sub was spanking teasing strap on etc not extreme like pooing in his mouth shaving his hair slicing him with blade. I’m scared to send any replies to his messages – do you think I’m been too cautious

    1. lunaKM

      No, you don’t know him, he wants to do kinky things you have no interest in and he disappears only to reappear 6 months later. I’d say he’s a flake and you should find someone else. There are far too many red flags in this short comment alone for me to give that guy a time of day.

  4. ted_subby

    @Cautious: I agree with lunaKM, he does not seem like a good fit for you. I recommend sending him a reply that you are not interested.

  5. Mike

    I was really intrigued about by this article especially because I am new to this. I was just wondering if you would be able to give a place to start with. I don’t think what I want to do is to extreme just pegging, and spanking and just stuff like that.

  6. ted_subby

    Hi Mike,

    I recommend learning about the reality of what you might want. We can fantasize to the umpteenth detail but in some cases the reality simply can’t match the fantasy.

    In my view a good way to learn is to login to and find discussion groups which are appropriate for what you want. Examples are Novices & Newbies or Submissive Men and Women Who Love Them (uncensored). Find threads which deal with topics you like and take a look at the comments in those threads, as well as the sticky threads at the top of those groups. And feel free to post a comment in a thread there. FetLife is not a dating site but in my view it Is a good site to meet people, for friendship or more.

    I would also think about your expectations. It is very unlikely that you would log on to any site and quickly find a partner for what you are looking for. It takes time to know the reality of what you are looking for and to find a compatible partner.

    Another issue for male submissives (and I can’t speak on this regarding female submissives) is that it is not common to find a dominant woman who just wants to play casually without any sort of relationship. Often a dominant woman will want to get to know a potential submissive before engaging in any BDSM-related activity. I mention this because it is common for submissive guys to get frustrated in not finding a partner right away for casual play.

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