Dear lunaKM,
I have been with my Master for a number of months.
Most of the time our relationship is great and we have a very strong bond. My only problem is that he seems to have a fixation with my weight.
When I first met him he asked me to lose a few pounds. I was already within a healthy BMI range, but felt I wanted to lose a little so I happily obliged. I lost the weight, toned up and felt great in myself for having done so.
I thought Master would also be pleased with me but how wrong I was. He has now asked me.to lose another 8lbs which I know I will struggle to do. If do lose his desired amount it will take me into the underweight range of BMI which will affect my health.
I have tried to reason with him and explain my fears but he still insists I have to lose the weight. How do I make him see sense?
Dear forced to lose,
As you are aware it's quite dangerous to be too thin. What has he said is the reason behind wanting you to lose even more weight? Is it a rational request or one out of preference? If he's not listening to you now, I doubt he will ever listen. You can insist that any more weight loss is a limit and see what he says to that. If he respects your limits then he should stop pressuring you to lose.
You need to watch out for yourself first; you know that it could endanger you health if you get too thin so if he can't see reason then perhaps you aren't as compatible as you thought. Just because you are submissive does not mean you give up your own responsibility. Stand up for what you need to take place (his respect of your current weight) and don't allow him to pressure you into potentially endangering your health. After all, if he doesn't take care of you this way, how will he respond when something else comes up that requires just as much or more respect of your needs?
Dear lunaKM,
For most of my life, I have considered myself to be largely submissive, but lately I've been having doubts about that identity. It seems like there is a disparity between what I seek in a D/s relationship and what the culture generally considers a submissive partner to be. I have no qualms about performing "service" activities (cleaning, cooking, playing host to guests and the like) but such things have never struck me as being part of my submissive identity- they are simply gratifying tasks. The nature of my dilemma has to do more with attitude. Something I've discovered is that I will (almost) never stop being defiant. I find the very idea repugnant, and can't imagine meeting a dominant who could curb this tendency for any extended period, and even if there were such a person, that seems to be the kind of struggle that becomes tiresome for them. A problem for both of us. I still desire a dominant partner, I just don't want that to dictate how I express myself. (I think I might die if I weren't allowed to be snarky) Am I looking in the wrong place, or am I just looking for something a bit rarer than I thought?
Dear snarky,
There is actually a word for the type of submissive you are. It's called a brat. Those that identify as bratty submissives embrace the term positively and completely. You don't have to stop being who you are to find someone that will enjoy it. There are a lot of Dominants that want a snarky submissive and can handle a bit of back talk in their dynamic. Trust me, you aren't as rare as you think you are, but it will be hard to find a Dominant in any situation. Now that you know you need to be snarky and bratty make sure you are upfront about that with potential Dominants. Some love it, others will hate it.
Since I don't know where you are looking I can't judge one way or the other. Finding the ideal partner is never an easy task, so don't give up and be firm about what you seek. The right one will come along and you'll know it.
Dear lunaKM,
My finace and I are new to the lifestyle. She is not sure how to be Dominent and I am unsure of my role? I KNOW I want to please her and be on the bottom and have her on top. Her life she was always submissive to her men. This new life is getting her excited and curious on roles? We have been looking for communities in our area to join for help, but don't know where and how? Are there any links we can use to find in northeast area? We are novices and need a lot of help? Please lets us us get it right?
Dear looking for community,
Roles are whatever you make them. There are some basic understandings, like tops are in control during a defined time and bottoms surrender control for a defined time. Keep reading and exploring and find what works best for you and then label yourself. Don't try to find a label you fit into.
As far as community there is an excellent resource for munches at http://findamunch.com. I suggest looking there. I'm sure you can find a huge community in the Northeast (assuming USA).
