Mentoring, self-help and submissive exploration

Ted_subby is a 49 year old submissive to his monogamous dominant wife of over a dozen years. On his male submission web page at he posts fictional stories as well as a blog of his experiences with his dominant wife. Feel free to message him on FetLife or e-mail.

11 responses to “Male Submission – Selfishness”

  1. riccarda

    i really enjoyed reading this as i could see myself in the description of how a male submissive behaves and thinks at different points in my development as a submissive

    i started off very selfish and wondered even though i played why it never felt really complete and then the penny dropped

    i only found that being truly submissive, completely focusing on my Dominant brought that sense of fulfilment

    Its scary, not thinking about yourself trusting completely in your Dominant to look after you, like taking your feet off the bottom of the swimming pool for the first time, but wow is it worth it

  2. Jonathan Robbins

    I was intrigued by this article as the theme is explored extensively in my web series Clutch, which has a character who is a mob boss and has a dominatrix, but is certainly coming in from an entirely selfish interest. He also violates sacred elements of BDSM relationships as he uses them for his ill-intented purposes.
    I’d be curious to know what you think of the show… you can find it at my website link above.

  3. Laura

    Nice to read a post about selfish submales. It is frustrating to be in an ocean of male subs but each one bursts like a soap bubble as soon as you ask them to actually submit. It is very rare to find a man who understands what it means to submit, to be part of a D/s relationship versus just having a cardboard Domme to stand in and serve him. I often feel men would be happier with a blow up doll – and I would be happier if they had a blow up doll too. It is very dull to be with someone and wonder why you are there when they would be just as happy serving a blow up doll without a mind or opinions or needs.

  4. ian

    after reading this i am beginning to fear that i am a little on the selfish side. however i have tried (to my mind) everything i can to find out what my lady desires and i have not learned anything other than that she “really likes butt play”. so i keep going back to the small list of what i want. does anyone have advice on how i might learn more? i just want to please but i feel like i am failing in some crucial way.

    1. ted_subby

      ian, I believe that you have a very good approach towards it. We are all human and no-one is perfect, and defining perfect is impossible anyway. What matters is what you and your lady desire, and to that end I recommend that you talk in detail with your lady about your comment “i just want to please but i feel like i am failing in some crucial way.” I believe that is a great start of a conversation, if you are open to what she says.

      “does anyone have advice on how i might learn more?”

      There are articles about submission here on The Submissive Guide and also books about the subject but in my view what really matters is what you and your lady desire, and that can only be learned by talking with your lady. That said, articles and books can be a good beginning point and may open your eyes to different types of ways of thinking. I recommend beginning by browsing this site for articles and find a subject which you can really relate to, not as a substitute for talking with your lady but as a way to possibly increase your exposure for ways in which others approach the subject.

      1. ian

        thank you very much.

  5. fetfunplies

    A very interesting and enlightening article.

    I never thought of myself as selfish, now I can see that I am.

    I have been talking with my Mistress for 7 months now, and I am in the very early stages of submitting to her, in that time there have been some very intense times, especially when I have failed to do as she asked, this has infuriated and hurt her, I now realise I have to trust her.

    As one of the other replies says, It is scary to let go and put your trust in someone else’s hands

    Until a session last night I didn’t realise this, today I’ve taken some time to reflect. She is my world and in my every thought, I want to please her and make her proud, I know there isn’t anything I wouldn’t do for her.

    I have to TRUST Her.

    1. ted_subby

      Thank you @fetfunplies.

      I agree that it is scary to let go, as you mention. I also believe that it takes time to build up trust to where you can let go to a certain degree, and then even more time to build up more trust.

  6. Such a lovely day! | Domme Worship

    [...] As I was perving around the internet this morning, I came across a pretty good article about selfishness and submission that I think may help some of you newer folks. The site is great for new subs overall. Do have a look around. Do remember that the site is based on the OPINIONS of others and some of the material may or may not reflect my own personal values, philosophies, and requirements. Submissive Guide [...]

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