Sometimes it is difficult to find balance when there is so much going on in your life. It is important, however, to find some compromise within yourself because otherwise you may become stressed out. No one wants to be stressed out if they can help it. I know I don’t like that feeling.
Balance can be found in many different ways. I find that having structure or perhaps a schedule for oneself helps to maintain and create balance in one’s life. I have found that it helps to keep chaos at bay and creates some semblance of order for myself. It’s a struggle to find it though when so much is going on in one’s life.
How do we as submissives juggle our personal lives and the lives of the one’s we serve? That’s a very good question indeed. It’s important to identify one’s needs and wants before venturing on that road. How does one do that?
Steps to ponder:
- Identify what you really have to have in your life in order to be happy and fulfilled. Make a list and update it now and then as you grow and progress. These things can change over time.
- Identify what characteristics in a person appeal to you on intellectual, physical, and emotional levels.
- Identify what makes you tick. Are there things that make butterflies in your stomach?
- Make observations about how you interact with others. Are you a go-getter or are you timid? Which do you migrate towards when forming relationships with?
- Identify five weaknesses that you have within yourself. Which ones do you want to improve upon, how, and why? How can they affect your service to your Dominant?
- Identify five strengths that you have. Why are they strengths and how can they benefit your service.
This is all just food for thought. Things I have done over the years as I have learned, grown, and found my inner self. Even as I grow I still struggle with things too. I’ve learned that I don’t do well without structure in my life, but I don’t always have a Dominant to help direct that structure. This can make things hard sometimes.
I find myself a little lost but I am finding that I can be just as strong without a Dominant in my life. I have good friends who are Dominants who from time to time give me some direction but it isn’t the same as having one to call my own. I’ll get through it and I know that my one is out there waiting for the time to be right for a journey to begin and progress.
I am not a very patient person sometimes but I know that if I can find my inner balance I’ll be a better submissive when the time comes again. I just have to put faith and work into the things I know will help me to find it. Even someone who has been in this for years struggles from time to time. I am human after all, just like you.
Side note:
I recently underwent back surgery in October. It was scary being in the hospital and going through all the rehabilitation needed in order to return home and to my life. I was gone most of October, and am just now beginning to find time for the things I enjoy and love. I am still recovering and am slowly getting back to where I was before my L5 disc ruptured. When it ruptured it left me unable to walk for a time and I’m slowly regaining being able to walk with the aid of a walker. I’m not letting this drag me down but seeing it for what it is. It is a wake up call to focus on the important things in my life – my writing, my submission, and myself.
My name is lunaKM and I’m a full-time stay-at-home submissive in a D/s relationship.
I started blogging when I was exploring D/s online in 2003. I needed advice, mentors and helping hands. Since then I've made it my mission to help novice submissives understand themselves and the services they wish to provide. 
This is a good reminder about balancing stress and one’s needs. Does anyone have thoughts on how to deal with stress that affects the level of play with a partner? I’ve been so tired and stressed lately that conditions haven’t been right to do much (as I’m a newbie too) with my Sir. It’s frustrating that I can’t do all I’m interested in doing, but my Dominant is a good one as he can tell when I’m not at my best energy and emotion-wise and opt out of heavy things if I’m not up to it. Any advice for how to deal with the self-frustration of life getting in the way of our desires? Thanks.
One suggestion that i have is to set aside some time everyday just for yourself. Doesn’t have to be very long…say 20 minutes or so that you simply touch base with yourself and what it is you are striving for. Another suggestion might be to set aside a specific play day where nothing else is on the docket. Just relax and enjoy the bonding time. Remember in a D/s type relationships it just isn’t always about what you do but rather spending quality time together. Bonding is important to the process…despite stress and aggravations of every day life. Hope that helps. Feel free to message me though if you would like further suggestions at sneakpastu@gmail.com. Best of luck to you.
Thanks! Good ideas all.
Part of my frustration which adds to my stress is I haven’t found a Dominant to assist with a balance. Most days I can balance everything, the demands of my job and that of my family but when I add in the frenzy of cravings to be tied up or to be dominated, it becomes overwhelming.
You don’t always have to have a Dominant to assist with this balance. It can be achieved with help from a fellow submissive or even yourself. How? Something my Mentor has me do daily helps me a great deal. Take 20 minutes a day to start and talk to yourself about what is you want, you need, the game plan, and where you are going. Take another 20 minutes and just relax in silence….no outside distractions and just get in touch with yourself. Try both of these techniques and i bet it will help some. Finding a Dominant takes time and usually they tend to cross our paths when we least expect it. Take time with that process because rushing it only leads to further distress and feeling let down by it all. Trust me on this…..i have been there.