Mentoring, self-help and submissive exploration

lunaKM has been a full-time slave in an M/s relationship for over 10 years. She is the founder and editor of Submissive Guide. Learn more about her here and connect with her on, Twitter, Google+, FetLife.

7 responses to “Newsflash: Feeding His Dominance Is Not Topping From Below”

  1. LarissaG

    This is true. It’s not topping from bottom. Another way that I helped Master dominate me more was suggesting a morning report. Since we are long distance right now, it gives him a chance to see what I plan for my day and he can adjust my schedule depending on his wishes. So far only one thing he took off my daily to-do list and that was because he said, “It’s someone else’s job, hun. Let them do it.” He took it off my list and made them do their job. Anyway, the morning report consists of a short note to Master…like a love letter of sorts, Plans for my day, Status of Incomplete assignments, additional information for Master and overnight cunt heat level. That last one goes up or down depending on how much he’s teased me the night before. Another thing we do is my journal/blog. That started at my suggestion when we first got together. It gives him an idea of what is going on in my mind and how I’m feeling at the time. I can vent my frustrations, talk through problems and so on as long as I don’t reveal our real names…I also do an Honor Notebook entry…though lately I haven’t done one since we’ve been so busy. All of these were my suggestions to help better my submission but it also gives him more control over me. We’d like to do the webcam but he has limited bandwidth internet so we can’t do that at this time. Maybe in the future. All in all, none of it was “topping from bottom.” It was suggestions to help him exert more dominance over me if he so chose and none of them had to be implemented. It was all his choice. I just suggested it. :P

  2. His_sweetgirl

    i sometimes feel like i may be topping from the bottom because i am very vocal about my desires, but Sir and i have been in what W/we call a “no neverminds allowed” relationship from the beginning. W/we didn’t start off as D/s. In fact W/we weren’t even dating. W/we met online and started off as merely friends. That is when O/our complete openess and honesty was born. Somehow W/we felt comfortable and safe with each other. i knew and still know that i have nothing to be afraid of when it comes to telling Him about something. Neither of U/us were even really definite D or s. i had a little experience with it, mostly negative, and i knew that if i found the right person, it was what i needed. Since it is so new for both of U/us, W/we are exploring together and have to be honest and communicate O/our wants, needs, and deepest desires. Sometimes i have a habit of saying things that set Him off and He goes full Dom on me. i don’t do it on purpose to make Him angry or to “bottom from the top,” i just do it because i think it might help and later when talking with Him about it, i will ask if He felt like i was manipulating Him. He’s always honest with me about how He’s feeling and usually if He feels i’m bottoming from the top, he will punish me.

    The bottom line is that open communication is necessary in any relationship otherwise it won’t work and depending on the dynamic of the relationship is the form which that communication takes. With Sir and i, He is my Dom and i his sub, but i am allowed an opinion and He will listen to me and take my opinion into consideration. His decision is final and sometimes it goes in line with how i’ve been feeling and sometimes it doesn’t, but at least i know He listened to me.

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  4. SubTotal

    My Dom-husband and I are only at the beginning of the D/s relationship. He says that he does enjoy his role as my Dom, but obviously not as much as me. As I really crave for it. How can I encourage him, or rather, his dominant side?

  5. Laura

    I’m currently serving a Mistress who is very much a stickler about topping from the bottom. There are things I think are just everyday things that she finds TFTB. For example : the other day She was telling me She was having to drive out of town for.a funeral. I said, please drive safely. She responded “topping from the bottom” I apologized, but I really thought I was simply being concerned. How could I have expressed that differently?

  6. SirsDearOne

    Could you please explain what your Honor Notebook is, and also, if your blog is public, would you be willing to share it here? I have read and respected & appreciate your comments on several articles & would love to read more from you if possible. Thanks!

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