Mentoring, self-help and submissive exploration

LadySneak is a moniker that she uses both on Fetlife and LitErotica. She is a real life submissive with 12+ years experience both online and real life. She struggles daily with agoraphobia.

11 responses to “What It Means to be Collared”

  1. subeauty

    Thank you for writing this very good article. My Master has wanted to collar me for some time now, but I have not felt truly ready yet.

  2. lynne nicely

    Hello, I am just entering into a submissive relationship and i am very excited and nervous, can you give me any tips that will be helpful. Thank You

  3. lunaKM

    Yes, you can take some time to read more of the website where I have a huge treasure trove of tips. Start anywhere and just keep reading. Then when you have specific questions, you’ll know what to ask.

  4. SamSilver

    A very good article thank you very much, I never quite realised how much it meant to be collared, I’m new to this as well and my master would like to collar me it’s good to know that it isn’t to be taken lightly. I’ve read many articles and am eager to learn if anyone has any more valuable articles or information I would be do grateful, thank you all in advance.

  5. FloridaSubbie

    Ive been dating a trained Dom for about 4 months now. We met on a vanilla dating site & after a few weeks he informed me he was into the Alt lifestyle. I liked him so did some research & decided to continue to date him. Since Im a rookie, I’ve been writing down my questions regarding the d/s relationship and what is expected of my role and also discussing my limits.
    I asked him initially if he wanted me to be submissive whenever we were together or just in the bedroom. He said the bedroom which worked for me.
    So far, we have an intense connection. Very passionate, fun but intelligent relationship. I’m committed to him & I’m not interested in any other man & I’ve made that clear to him.
    Recently I was at his house, and he was asking me if I was sure that I wanted to live this lifestyle. I am sure, however my being completely submissive was limited to the bedroom which I am completely comfortable with & it’s unbelievably an amazing experience with every session. When outside of the bedroom, I believe I’m a good girlfriend to him.
    So my Dom now wants me to wear my collar every time I enter his home, put it on myself when I enter. Strip naked. Face the door. Kneel and put my hands on my head and wait for him. He also wants me to do this when he’s coming to my house. He also wants me to remain naked until I says I can be clothed. Of course, in both scenarios we would be home alone. I did agree to this (during a session) but afterwards when I thought about it, I did not make me feel comfortable. I talked to him about it. I told him I was not ready for this type of submissiveness. He said “ok” and he wasn’t mad, however I feel that he is not happy.
    I know there are subs/slaves that desire this with their Doms. It’s just not me at this time. I don’t want to hold him back from seeking what he wants from a Sub. I also do not want to waste my time and his. I feel like I’m falling in love with him and I feel it’s mutual, but I’m not sure that keeping our d/s relationship only in the bedroom will be enough for him.
    He’s a good man and I want him to be fulfilled.
    I know there are men out there that marry women that do not meet their sexual needs. These men eventually will be miserable or will find a way to meet their needs outside of their marriage.
    Im trying to avoid being hurt & hurting my Dom. He is very serious about the lifestyle. I want to satisfy him, but I have my limits.
    Please advise. Should I walk away?

  6. His

    Is it okay to only wear the collar when we’re in the bedroom? He is thinking of getting me a collar, but not to wear 100% of the time. The idea is that when the collar is off, we are equals and can discuss things as equals. But when we’re alone, He’d put the collar on me to signify I belong to Him. When other responsibilities arise, He would take the collar off and things would return to normal.

    This arrangement works for me, but I’m worried that it’s disrespectful of the community. The way you worded it here made it sound like taking it off signifies a break up. I mean, it has meaning to us, and it’s not like I stop loving Him when He takes it off. It’s just that I have work and school and family and I can’t be His kitten 24/7.

  7. lunaKM

    @His – It’s perfectly okay since that is what works for you. Not all submissives have a collar or wear it 24/7 or have the same meaning to it as what LadySneak details in this essay. So, if wearing it only in the bedroom works for your relationship then that’s how it works.

    It’s not disrespectful to anyone if you treat the collar the way you have decided to treat it. What LadySneak referenced as far as having it removed is that most submissives when in a 24/7 style collar situation have it removed it signifies the end of that relationship.

    As with anything you read, here included, it is meant to be a guide – not hard and fast rules. Use what you want and discard the rest. The BDSM lifestyle can be molded and shaped into any way you see it working for your relationship. I wish you the best.

  8. Stacie

    I know for me , all of the things i was unwilling to do the first few months to first yr with my dom changed when the trust, love , respect and willingness grew throughout time.. I will now do things for my master that i would have NEVER in a lifetime dreamt of before, it all comes from my wanting to please him and show him how appreciative I am of his patience love and respect. this is a mutual lifestyle/ relationship and one of the most healthy relationships I have ever had because its soley built on trust love and communication. Your dom sounds like he is understanding and caring and would understand your wants needs and desires. A good dom is patient and a good sub is teachable. Only you will know deep in your heart of hearts if or when its time to walk away. I wish you the best of luck :) I hope this help , i only speak from my own experience…

Leave a Reply

Please respect the comment posting guidelines when adding a comment. Thank you.

Notify me of followup comments via e-mail. You can also subscribe without commenting.