Mentoring, self-help and submissive exploration

lunaKM has been a full-time slave in an M/s relationship for over 10 years. She is the founder and editor of Submissive Guide. Learn more about her here and connect with her on, Twitter, Google+, FetLife.

11 responses to “Lessons in Submissive Speech 4: How to Apologize”

  1. Miss Milano

    Hi, I’ve been a member for a while, I’ve never answered, I admit. I also admit, that,
    I’m on the “short bus” of understanding all these nuances and terms. I suppose I fall
    into some other category with being submissive. I disagree with much written and
    I lose the grace of being “door mat” or this run down in the actual language to be
    used. Mistakes made I know, I make them, but making a plea for forgiveness due to
    an emptied coffee cup? This is where I lose grace and would tell this dominate, to get
    up and get his or her own coffee. No apology needed from me. My view, I’m sure is
    wrong, but I find this trite and banal. My question becomes is this person looking for
    submissive behavior or a sycophant butt kissing?

    I’m lost in this fog of what I am, and why this topic is so difficult. Thxs Miss Milano

  2. MissMilano

    I’m sorry if my reply sounded strange, I mean you no insults, and I do understand
    everyone is different. My frustrations on these terms and rules, behaviors, what is
    right, wrong, I get lost. I think I have the “cheat sheet” of answers and read another
    post or blog…and I’m right back to square one again. This is why I skip meetings,
    and the “munch” things…I know I will put a foot and hand wrong, possibly be the
    worst person in the room. (Nothing new for me, I put my foot routinely in my big mouth).

    Your advice and writing I do find helpful and answers some of my questions, I should
    practice more patience…I do thank you for your reply. I wish you all the best, and
    a great weekend.
    Miss Milano

  3. kyrsten

    Thank you for this post. I find that I naturally follow a bit of this order, and I agree, it can be embarassing… When I am at work and I speak to him on the phone, I am often telling him “I’m sorry” I am VERY new to all of this, and just reading to educate myself on how to live this life and make him happy. I totally get the empty cup reference. I worry because I think I often say “I wont let this happen again” …and it does happen again… eventually I fear my apology looses its value…

  4. ian

    i have recently become an actual submissive and am more re-educating myself on this than just learning it. however when i originally learned the “material” of being polite and serving i was much younger and learned it through many many books. my practice at the time was also aimed more at diplomatic value. this article in paticular was very helpful. thank you very much, i am sure my lady will be happy of my re-education too

  5. MySubmittingSoul

    Right now I am living in the world of hope that My Master will leave her the same way he did me for her but ask them it’s a whole another story as always.. Yes he was my first Master he is who welcome me into the lifestyle.. I guess he just didn’t have the patients to finish training me.. Really that could go a few diff ways.. Sometimes i can be hard to handle. I always get the blame I not saying I didn’t do wrong n make mistakes.. But I didn’t break honest nor trust he did that all by himself.. I was faithful 100% the whole way but him on another story is diff.. But see the thing is he told me the story of how he was a Submissive and how he had a Mistress.. I mean shouldn’t he know how it feels doing a Sub that way pretty much leaving her to hang to dead by herself.. No I haven’t been the best Sub myself I have made my fair share of mistakes.. But he has done his to and I mean beyond being a Dom.. Maybe its just my personal opinion but I do feel like you would expect it more to come from the vanilla world then a Dom person. Maybe I’m wrong But to me that is or would be a FAKE DOM.. I Mean I am kinda new to this lifestyle myself I have only been in the lifestyle for about 6 month if even that.. When he left he left me in a world of darkness that I am lost in I really don’t know what to do next or where to even start at.. But I guess I’ll find my way some how but I have learn a very good listen from it.. But at the same time cause of the submissive within me I want to know how to write a I’m sorry letter to him cause I do love him and would like to still try and make it work with us.. Cause I haven’t given up on us, me nor him.. I want to win him back cause I know myself has done wrong.. I just don’t know where to start or here to end.. I’m confused about it all so I hope ya’ll Understand where I’m coming from and will be able to help me with something or what would be a good Sorry Letter to him.. If there is anything else anyone needs to know that will help just me I don’t mind answering.. I also hope my comment is fine and I’m stepping out off line cause I don’t want to.. So I hope it’s fine..

  6. Kim

    I’ve looked up on how to apologize to my Sir because last night I had a few drinks and became chatty and others were watching a movie….i was disrespectful and inconsiderate to others. I was sent to my Sir’s room and was given a talking to, He let me know how He was upset because of my behavior. I felt so sad and disappointed in myself. No other punishment was given due to, we both had some drinks. But I could hear in His voice the disappointment. Still today I’m so sad. I did apologize but I still feel so bad He had to have “that” talk to me

  7. Jennifer

    I do have trouble with how to apologize. I am new and I am learning to take this lifestyle outbid the bedroom. Any advice?

  8. Dana Lee

    Do dominates apologize if crossing the line with his sub? How do I open up to speak to him about my boundaries that have been crossed?

  9. Jennifer

    I need advice. My Dom and I recently went out to dinner. We were approached by his female conworker and his attention drifted to her in my opinion. I went to smoke a cigarette with permission and was by three men who asked for my advice about something. My dim paid for the bill and came outside. The three men asked us to have a drink with them. I do not get out much and I was already a bit buzzed so I asked my Dom and he said ok …. I was told my three men that he should keep close tabs on me because he can’t expect guys not to look at me because I was attractive. My Dom is now extremely oissed off at Me. He says in the bedroom we are great but outside the bedroom we struggle but he doesn’t want to end it he is willing and wants me willingly to learn and work on it. What are your thoughts

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