Mentoring, self-help and submissive exploration

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10 responses to “What Do You Do When Top Drop Rules Your Relationship?”

  1. BRose

    Wow, Tlbsab, your just described my last 4 months! My Dominant/Husband and I first started exploring D/s as a way to spice things up in the bedroom over a year ago. At that time we were still engaged and were on top of the world. I had never gave any thought as to whether I was submissive but as soon as we started out, I was hooked. Like you, we had both learned from previous relationships and knew exactly what we were looking…or at least what we were NOT looking for. We spend many years just dating and communicating and it wasn’t until we had announced our engagement that we started exploring the lifestyle. In the beginning it was great. We learned so many things that first six months or so. However, while after our play sessions I felt great, He was guilt-ridden about what things He had done. We had originally started working on a full time (at least while at home) D/s lifestyle which is exactly what I wanted. I found myself craving it. I was at my best when serving Him. He apparently had second thoughts. We are now back to where we started just having some good kinky fun in the bedroom. That is fine with me too but I can’t help but hope that someday He will be as okay with it as I am so we can see where we can take it! In the mean time, I find peace in serving Him anyway. Thanks for the great post. You really have made my day!

  2. tlbsab

    @brose1456 I’m so glad you enjoyed reading my piece. Its so important that we nurture their spirit while serving them. And always remember it is also important to take care of you. Remind yourself daily that He chose you to spend his life with and that you were his best choice. It helps me get through the rough patches to know that He made the best choice and I am it. I know that’s sappy but its become a mantra for me. Patience is always the hardest part.


  3. Lion

    Wow, you couldn’t have more adequately summed up how I feel occasionally.

    I (Master) actually deal with some of these feelings more than I care to admit. It’s not a feeling of inadequacy for Me, but a concern of consequences. My sub can be a rather fiery little thing! And that fire is part of why I love her. However, My concern is more that My expectations will push her away. Wwe don’t currently live together, and I get concerned that she will simply “run away”. I also get frustrated with her inability to express her feelings, at times. To Me, communication is paramount in ANY relationship, but more so in a D/s setting. I need to know what is effecting her moods and self-esteem. she is unable to mask when she is upset/angry/sad/frustrated, in fact she wears it all over her face/body posture like a big ol’ badge! But when I ask “What’s wrong” or “What’s going on”, the answer is most often “Nothing”. NOTHING?? I can SEE that it is clearly SOMETHING!

    But also, with TopDrop, I fear that she will see it as a weakness in Me. I feel as though she should not be burdened with any emotion that I may feel, that is anything BUT positive. But, I am human. I feel sadness and depression just as anyone else does, from time to time. It’s difficult for Me to mask these emotions, as well.

    Thank you for your insightful post.

  4. DeeBelle

    I was just told by My Sir to do some research on “Top Drop”. This life style is all very new to me. I’m a “Natural submissive ” woman to begin with. A total people pleaser if I may…a follower. I want to please everyone! Should I be worried about My Sir telling me to research this? Is this relationship going to be a great thing or does it mean it will be bad from the get-go? Any comments would be great!!!

  5. lunaKM

    Why would researching something mean your relationship is going to be bad? He wants you to know where he’s coming from and perhaps how to help him through a difficult time. There’s nothing dooming about that. Learn about top drop and how you can help them and be an even stronger force in his life.

  6. Lion

    I don’t believe that it means you’re in a bad relationship. I feel (as does My sub) that it is as much your responsibility to care for Him as it is His to care for you, in these things. If your Sir has a drop, and you know nothing about Top-drops, or had no idea it was even possible, how can you minister to Him properly? I think He just wants you to be educated and prepared for the fact that Wwe are Aall human, and as such, Wwe are Aall subject to emotion from time to time.

    I hope this helps,


  7. DeeBelle

    As of right now our relationship is “New”…as for I can see at this point I would call it “friendship”. We have met only out in public since he knows this will make me more comfortable. My guess would be maybe he wants to make sure I know as much as I can to see if this is something I want. I never said the word “bad”…I said should I be worried? He has told me to do some research of terms and when he gave me those terms …some of the sites I’ve been too says one thing…another says something else. You also asked me to. Research the term “sub drop”. At this point I can already tell he is looking out for both of us. Being very new with all of this, I was hoping most people here on this site would be helpful. He also ask me to check into this site. Thank you for your replies.

  8. lunaKM

    I have several articles on sub drop on this site as well. I’m sure you will enjoy browsing the articles.

  9. Lia

    Wow it does sound like Sub Drop. I didn’t even know this happened to Doms but reading it reminded me of my constant sub drop.

  10. Nacht Engel

    I think it is useful to remind some subs that doms are human too and can have off days or reactions like top-drop. It is also important to remember that for some vanilla couples playing with kink it can result in a mismatch where one partner really embraces the whole sub or Dom thing whereas for the other it was just a bit of fun. That can result in much unhappiness and frustration for both parties. As ever communication is the key.