Keeping It Fresh – How to Spice Up Your Kinky Life

From the Submissive Guide Newsletter 10-22-11

You’ve been doing the same ole’ kinky sh*t since the beginning and it’s getting old. Really old. So what do you do about it? Does it mean that you have to just keep replaying the record over and over and that nothing will be exciting again?

Hardly.

Every relationship experiences periods of boredom in the bedroom, kinky ones are not excluded from this.

Why do we get bored?

Humans are creatures of habit. We tend to settle into doing things we are comfortable with. It’s why you may always do the same things on the same days or the same time of day. New stimuli, called change, tend to make us uncomfortable, throw us off-balance or can bring out fears we didn’t know we had. So instead of challenging ourselves or creating adventure we admit we are bored.

Can you say you are not afraid of change? What makes some people afraid of change and others easily embrace it? I still can’t answer that myself but I’d love to know.  I love to learn new things, KM loves to learn new things but we still have times where we are bored.

What Could You Do?

There are ways to bring back the freshness and fun to your kinky life. Here are some  ways that I’ve come up with.

Use Your Checklist

You know that long list of activities you filled out when you first started exploring BDSM? Yeah, dig it out now or if you don’t have one, then do it now. You just might find a few things in there that you can do that strike a powerful urge to play in you. Perhaps something new, perhaps something you haven’t done in a long while. Either way it could bring the kink back to your sex life.

Playing with Taboos

Taboos are the things that many people won’t touch with a 10 foot pole, but they can bring powerful role play or kinky fantasies to life. Some of the taboo themes I can think of are racism, religious scenarios, castration play, Nazis and rape. You get the gist. They are all things that bring about an uncomfortable feeling in normal society but kinksters all around can disconnect that social stigma and develop very intense fantasies involving them that are not only hot but intriguing.

Stand on the Edge

Pushing your known limits can bring spark back into your kinky life. After all, we know that some those limits won’t budge but what about the others? How far can you go before you reach the true edge? Wouldn’t it be fun an exciting to try to find it?

Shake Up the Routine

Does kinky sex always go the same way anymore? Do you know exactly what order you have gotten into the habit of doing things? Try changing it up. Take turns being “in charge” of what goes on. An interesting game I’m familiar with is called “Bases.” It’s from the sayings “I got to 1st base, 2nd base, 3rd base, etc.” Over the course of 4 nights only let your play get to whatever base you are playing at the time. Start with 1st base. The next night you only get to 2nd base and so on. Spend as much time as you want leading up to and on that base, but don’t go any further. By the time you get to a home run you will have renewed vigor for your sex life!

Start a Ritual

A lot of D/s relationships have some form of ritual in them. It doesn’t have to be intricate, but if you create something that announces the beginning and end of a play scene it could drive a bit of excitement and anticipation into your play that wasn’t there before. If you both look into each other’s eyes before play and the Dominant says “you’re mine” to start the play, and then “it’s time to return to life” to end the play would work. Now I’m sure my phrases are cheesy and you can definitely think of better ones; in fact I urge you to do that!

After all that, I hope you have rekindled a kinky spark in your relationship.

Thoughts to Ponder

• Do you get bored with your kinky life?
• What other ways can you spice up your kinky life?
• Are there any taboos that I missed that you’d like to explore?

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