Mentoring, self-help and submissive exploration

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10 responses to “Assent Matters”

  1. fuzzyP

    Brilliant! Well said, and so important. I’ve seen what can happen when, the next day, someone says, “I didn’t realize THAT was going to happen.” At best it leads to hurt feelings and damaged relationships/reputations. But the consequences, as you clearly state, can be much worse than that – to both the top and bottom. Thank you for writing this.

  2. DeathAngelsRose

    I wish more people would understand this!
    There is a difference. I would know. I was in an abusive relationship twice and got raped three times. There is a difference.
    What I do with my Dom, my lover, my (soon to be) husband is so much more than just “rough sex” or what some might see as assault/abuse.

    I know, I’m saying what most people know on here, but it’s about love, trust, and it is one of the most intimate situations that can every be experienced. It’s about standing in front of your partner, heart and soul open for them to see – no walls, no barriers.

    To stand, whether it’s literally or metaphorically, naked in front of your partner and showing them You. When you get to this point, there is no way to lie, no way to cheat, no way to be fake. And not only are you opening yourself up so much you didn’t think it was possible, you are also holding your arms wide open for your partner who is doing the same.

  3. bonimiss

    I read the fetlife thread also and there were so many interesting comments. One thing I did not understand was the usage of the word “breadcrumb” as a comment. I think I figured it out but I want to know for sure. Can anyone enlighten me?

  4. viemoira

    I must say this is a very well written post of important subject matter. I wish that the bold section you wrote could be a legally binding consent form for all to sign.

    ~viemoira

  5. fuzzyP

    @bonimiss: as in “leaving breadcrumbs to follow”…they want their friends to follow and also read.

  6. maddy

    I’m new to all of this really and…well, I just wanted to thank you because I think that what you say is REALLY important. I’m facing some psychological Pollyanas of my own right now as well as, although I hate to admit it and wish it weren’t so, a case of a Dom who is more predator than Dom. So, thanks for keeping it fresh in my mind that what my psyche is telling me is not necessarily what’s actually going on.

  7. lunaKM

    Exactly, much like the community activity feed here, if you comment on a writing on FetLife is shows up in your friends’ activity feed.

  8. curiousdwk

    I’ll say “Amen” to this article. I think it is very dangerous for a sub to take the attitude that they are not responsible for what happens to them. Just like they should not take the attitude that they are not responsible for feeling fulfilled in having their needs/desires met. If it isn’t working for them in any way, then need to address it either within the relationship, or outside the relationship. But the sub has a responsibility.

  9. Dumb Domme: e[lust] #32

    [...] in February to submit something and subscribe to the RSS feed for updates! ~ The Top Three Posts ~ Assent Matters by SherynB – Find your emotional power to recognize and say “no” to what you don’t want [...]

  10. greggsbecky

    An excellent post. It is your responsibility to yourself that you know you limits and keep to them!

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