Hello,

I'm a fairly young submissive who's recently discovered that side of me.  I have no Dominant as of yet, but ever since I figured out that I was a sub, I've noticed myself trying to place someone in that role.  Namely, my friend.  She's open-minded, but for the most part she's heteronormative (i.e. straight and vanilla).  I've spoken with her a few times about it, but the only thing she's said or done one way or another is to acknowledge me as her "minion" because I tend to do what she wants me to, etc.  Trouble is, I know she's unattainable, her being straight and me being female, and I don't want - I don't know what to call it, unrequited submission? - to get in the way of finding a Domme who will actually set rules for me, but I'm lost as to how to extricate myself from serving her, or at least trying to, since I'm undermining my own efforts in that I like it, and I don't want to ruin our friendship be suddenly seeming cold and, well, bitchy, for lack of a better word, by comparison.  Help?

Greetings,

First off, what you are doing, and how you are feeling is very natural when you are first exploring this new side of yourself. As far as your friend who has a Dominant presence for you, communicating how you feel and seeing if she is interested in experimenting is one thing, and by doing that maybe that will spark her curiosity. Most of us started out vanilla and then were tempted by the dark side. Also, it doesn’t matter if she is straight or bi, unless you are looking for something sexually in that manner as well. If that is the case, then obviously that situation wouldn’t work for either of you. But, when you are naturally submissive to her, and then you have set expectations of what she should be, or do for you is when problems occur. What you will have to do is figure out where your priorities are. Are they to indulge in your submissive side and serve regardless of what the payback is, or is your need for reciprocation too overwhelming making it hard to be patient? Why would you need to separate yourself from your Dominant friend? A submissive can serve more than one person. The only thing that may restrict this is if you become contracted to another person who doesn't allow it. But that is also your choice. It is just like a cocktail waitress. He or she may have one boss, but he or she also serves a bunch of other people. It doesn't mean that he or she is bound to those other patrons.

I would really suggest checking out the Submissive Activity Book by Shannon Reilly. Her workbook gives some great direction on how to setup your own goals and guidelines until you do find the Dominant that you are looking for.  As far as your Dominant friend, enjoy the ride and don’t put too much expectations and pressure on it.

Happy Submitting,

SehAnru