I’ve had a few requests to see the transcript of this chat night. I apologize for taking so long to post it! This is the chat discussion from 3/1/11
(8:12:56 PM) lunaKM: It’s so nice to have so many people here tonight!
(8:13:23 PM) lunaKM: Now as with all of my chat nights, there’s no pressure to converse, but it sure makes it a lot easier and we are all here to learn from each other.
(8:13:40 PM) lunaKM: All opinions are respected and I love varying viewpoints
(8:13:46 PM) lunaKM: You can even disagree with me :P
(8:13:59 PM) Saraa: :D
(8:14:03 PM) aletheia: Disagree with you? No we can’t! ;)
(8:14:10 PM) NightBlade: I’ll agree to disagree with the agreement
(8:14:22 PM) Saraa: Haha :)
(8:15:02 PM) kellkat1975: :)
(8:15:04 PM) lunaKM: So, if everyone is ready we can get started.
(8:15:27 PM) ***NightBlade presses the start button
(8:15:29 PM) lunaKM: Unlike a wedding band, a collar has different meanings to different relationships and the people in them. This is a topic that could get very opinionated. Please keep in mind that with most things in this life, each opinion has a valid place in the discussion.
(8:15:31 PM) aeonsangel: ready here
(8:15:57 PM) lunaKM: Let’s start by talking about the basic understanding of what a collar is and it’s function in different relationships. Remember that every relationship has different purposes to the symbols it uses.The three relationship types that I’m willing to cover tonight are Top/bottom, Dom/sub and Master/slave.
(8:16:39 PM) lunaKM: There are so many other relationship types that we could talk all night just on those (good idea for a topic), these 3 being the most common.
(8:16:42 PM) Saraa: i think im in the perfect place!! have been reading some articles and as im quite new(ish) am getting a little confused!
(8:17:21 PM) lunaKM: So, basically, a collar is used as a symbol of the commitment between the people involved.
(8:17:49 PM) lunaKM: In a Top/bottom relationship, this collar could be used solely in play to signify the beginning and ending of a scene and who is the one on the bottom.
(8:18:24 PM) lunaKM: In a D/s relationship a collar could symbolize the commitment to each other and the position of the submissive in the relationship.
(8:18:48 PM) lunaKM: And in an M/s relationship, it’s more common that the collar means ownership and posession of the slave in the relationship.
(8:19:12 PM) lunaKM: And again, even in these three placements there can be variations.
(8:19:34 PM) lunaKM: What does a collar symbolize to you?
(8:19:42 PM) aletheia: I think I won’t be fully and truly owned until I am collared.
(8:20:04 PM) kellkat1975 left the room (quit: Quit: http://www.mibbit.com ajax IRC Client).
(8:20:10 PM) kellkat1975 [Mibbit@kinknet-1ip8er.cellularsouth.com] entered the room.
(8:20:24 PM) aletheia: That’s what that symbolizes to me. That the time of negotiation and consideration is over, and I’m his true and complete property.
(8:20:49 PM) lunaKM: thank you aletheia for being first :) Anyone else? What does a collar mean to you?
(8:20:50 PM) akabiNB: It’s a form of safety to me. Knowing I belong to Him means that He’ll protect me and care for me.
(8:21:09 PM) hootchie: My collar represents a visual symbol of my position within our relationship. Beyond wedding bands, which we do not wear anymore.
(8:21:35 PM) tina-poLD: to me it is a symbol of my commitment to my Master , it shows to all i am his
(8:21:40 PM) Monkgirl: In my relationship my master likens it to a wedding band in the vanilla world
(8:22:00 PM) Saraa: To me it makes me feel safe as i know that he is there for me and cares for me, it shows we are commited
(8:22:11 PM) bonimiss: To me it is ownership, security, commitment and peace
(8:22:17 PM) fuzzyp: it would mean that i’ve achieved a level of submission and service and demonstrated it consistently enough to have earned the symbol
(8:22:36 PM) aletheia: That’s how I feel too . . . I have friends who have been in online collars . . . and I can’t get into that. I wouldn’t accept an online wedding ring, so why would I accept an online collar when that’s so much more of a commitment in my eyes.
(8:23:18 PM) aeonsangel: fuzzyp i like that. Aeon says a collar is earned not given and I am how should I say still too petulant
(8:23:32 PM) hootchie: One of my requirements for the collar, was to overcome some issues that were hampering our relationship. Mainly my lack of respectful service in public.
(8:23:48 PM) bonimiss: Then what is a training collar?
(8:23:55 PM) lunaKM: Alright so it sounds like you all see it as something very important, and a symbol that you belong to and will be cared for by someone else.
(8:24:19 PM) lunaKM: We’ll get into ‘types’ of collars in a bit bonimiss, I have that noted :0
(8:24:27 PM) bonimiss: k
(8:24:28 PM) kellkat1975: I’m very new to this world and collaring hasn’t even been mentioned yet
(8:24:42 PM) tina-poLD: a symbol of commitment to be trainned by the one whose collar you wear ? bonimiss
(8:25:06 PM) lunaKM: What does a collar look like?
(8:25:22 PM) lunaKM: Are there any unique variations you’ve heard or seen?
(8:25:27 PM) fuzzyp: it’s not necessarily an actual collar
(8:25:57 PM) lunaKM: hopefully kellkat1975 you’ll learn all you can tonight and when it is mentioned you’ll be able to share what you know!
(8:25:58 PM) akabiNB: i agree with fuzzy
(8:26:19 PM) hootchie: I don’t wear one during the day or at work, which is difficult for me. I miss the weight and texture of my actual collar.
(8:26:25 PM) akabiNB: but NB is making me a chainmail collar
(8:26:40 PM) aletheia: We’ve talked about having multiple collars for me . . . a more heavy-duty one for home, and a more “discreet” one to wear in public.
(8:26:46 PM) hootchie: But when we are with our community, I have a leather and crochet
(8:27:26 PM) tina-poLD: it has many forms luna ….depending on the people who choose it , some are like a necklace to be worn outside in the vanilla world some are leather or steel ect
(8:27:39 PM) aletheia: My preference would be to have ONE collar that I never take off (except in an emergency), a subtle but functional bondage collar.
(8:28:06 PM) bonimiss: mine is leather but I dont wear it in public
(8:28:10 PM) hootchie: I saw an eternity collar recently…beautiful piece. Even more beautiful relationship.
(8:28:14 PM) aletheia: I told him I liked the symbolism of having just one collar and wearing it all the time.
(8:28:17 PM) lunaKM: I’ve seen bracelets, piercings, tattoos, waist chains, rings and necklaces all considered collars.
(8:28:17 PM) Saraa: id like a vanilla collar such as a chainmail necklace but as of yet havnt purchased one :(
(8:28:34 PM) aeonsangel: hootchie i am curious..crochet
(8:28:39 PM) aletheia: And he said “But where is your collar really? Around your neck, or in your heart?”
(8:29:01 PM) Monkgirl: Mine is leather w/tags and I only wear it @home. Been shopping for one I could wear outside the home.
(8:29:14 PM) NightBlade: Ive always felt a collar should symbolize the bond between the two , like for Myself making My girl her collar personally gives the collar more meaning
(8:29:15 PM) bonimiss: i dont always wear mine, but i have to feel my neck to determine if it is on or off
(8:29:15 PM) akabiNB: i agree with that aletheia
(8:29:37 PM) hootchie: it is a handmade with a steel ring in center, with a dragonfly, which symbolizes our relationship.
(8:30:10 PM) aeonsangel: sounds very nice thank u for clarifying for me
(8:30:32 PM) akabiNB: Saraa: would that have any meaning if you bought it yourself or owould it just be a fashion statement?
(8:30:37 PM) hootchie: it is more decorative than functional
(8:30:37 PM) kellkat1975: I think I’d probably have something steampunk inspired
(8:30:38 PM) lunaKM: As aletheia mentioned….. is a physical collar necessary?
(8:30:56 PM) tina-poLD: the conmitment is there with or without the physical symbol
(8:31:09 PM) Monkgirl: Has anyone had experience losing a collar? And how you have re-earned it?
(8:31:17 PM) Saraa: it would have meaning, id want it to show that i am his and represent the bond we have
(8:31:18 PM) hootchie: IMO, no. It is the relationship that should be the focus.
(8:31:25 PM) aletheia: I don’t think it’s necessary. I’m very committed to him now, without even an online collar. But that doesn’t stop me wanting it someday.
(8:31:26 PM) hootchie: NOT the collar
(8:31:43 PM) lunaKM: I have Monkgirl.
(8:31:48 PM) kellkat1975: i agree hootchie
(8:31:51 PM) bonimiss: i agree
(8:31:56 PM) aletheia: Me too.
(8:32:12 PM) herinchworm [Mibbit@kinknet-6s1.8u6.110.66.IP] entered the room.
(8:32:19 PM) davesjewel [Mibbit@kinknet-lsn9qs.iland.net] entered the room.
(8:32:26 PM) aletheia: Hello herinchworm, davesjewel.
(8:32:31 PM) lunaKM: welcome herinchworm and davesjewel
(8:32:33 PM) herinchworm: Hello everybody
(8:32:39 PM) davesjewel: hi everyone
(8:32:39 PM) Saraa: hey :)
(8:32:44 PM) hootchie: Good evening
(8:32:48 PM) akabiNB: hi henrichworm and davesjewel
(8:32:49 PM) aeonsangel: hello
(8:32:49 PM) bonimiss: hi herinchworm .. davesjewel
(8:33:15 PM) lunaKM: Since we all can agree that a collar is an important symbol for the bond that already exists, when is a collar or offering of a collar considered in a relationship?
(8:33:20 PM) kellkat1975: hello davesjewel and herinchworm
(8:33:21 PM) aletheia: Online there IS too much focus on collars . . . the prestige of being collared, or having someone collared . . . and not enough emphasis on real relationship.
(8:34:06 PM) fuzzyp: while i agree that the relationship itself is the important thing, humans are conditioned to place great importance on symbolic objects… having an object that “sums up” something this important is kind of a big deal
(8:34:17 PM) aletheia: Agreed, fuzzyp.
(8:34:25 PM) lunaKM: definitely agree fuzzyp
(8:34:25 PM) akabiNB: agreed fuzzyp
(8:34:36 PM) bonimiss: yes fuzzyp
(8:34:38 PM) Saraa: agree ^
(8:34:50 PM) davesjewel: agreed
(8:34:56 PM) Monkgirl: lunaKM, how did you re-earn? Or is this not an appropriate forum for that?
(8:35:08 PM) hootchie: I agree, but sometimes actions speak louder than symbols
(8:35:09 PM) aletheia: I wonder a lot about the question of “when.”
(8:35:38 PM) lunaKM: Well, for me what lost the collar was a loss in trust for me, something I did questioned his trust in me.
(8:35:45 PM) lunaKM: In order to earn it back I had to earn his trust back
(8:36:20 PM) aletheia: I don’t believe I could accept a collar unless I was ready to commit myself fully to being his possession, whatever that entailed.
(8:36:46 PM) hootchie: *nodding head*
(8:36:51 PM) bonimiss: I agree aletheia but also His commitment to the relationship
(8:36:54 PM) kellkat1975: me too alatheia. I’m in a ldr and our interaction is online or by phone
(8:37:28 PM) aletheia: Same here kellkat, but our goal is to be together in person.
(8:37:40 PM) lunaKM: does that mean a collar is earned? What are your thoughts on earning a collar?
(8:37:57 PM) davesjewel: i had to earn my collar…and less then 24 hours after being collared he took it back
(8:38:08 PM) kellkat1975: aletheia, ours too.
(8:38:14 PM) lunaKM: tell me about it davesjewel, what did you have to do to earn it?
(8:39:00 PM) davesjewel: he was training me….even before i realized he was…mentally, physically, emotionally
(8:39:00 PM) hootchie: In my situation, we were already married, but wanted to have the collar to signify changes in our relationship. In order to receive that collar, I had to overcome some long time issues.
(8:40:03 PM) lunaKM: hootchie: so was that a way to show you were willing to accept future changes that he may suggest?
(8:40:27 PM) lunaKM: so davesjewel, the training was how you earned the collar?
(8:40:32 PM) hootchie: Oh yes…
(8:40:42 PM) davesjewel: he taught me what a “good” Master is supose to be, he taught me how I was to act, and emotionally…well, i had issues and he found them and made me work thru them
(8:40:50 PM) fuzzyp: There’s another aspect to it, i think – the physical object may also to some extent suggest some permanence to the relationship – although maybe I’m over-analyzing
(8:40:51 PM) davesjewel: yes
(8:40:53 PM) lunaKM: Personally I’ve never liked the idea of earning a collar….
(8:41:04 PM) lunaKM: no, you are quite right fuzzyp
(8:41:05 PM) aletheia: I don’t think of it as something to earn.
(8:41:36 PM) aletheia: I think of it more as . . . being claimed.
(8:41:37 PM) fuzzyp: that’s interesting, luna, because earning it is exactly the track i’m on
(8:41:45 PM) lunaKM: since I consider my collar to be much like a wedding ring or engagement ring… it’s a testament to the commitment and I don’t think I’d ever say that I earned my engagement ring….
(8:42:03 PM) Monkgirl: Thx lunaKM. I stormed out in a heated argument and removed my collar as I was over-the-top angry @ him. Of course it was a childish act. Anyway, he now has the collar and has told me he might not give it back.
(8:42:18 PM) twistmahtit [Mibbit@kinknet-sck5pl.res.rr.com] entered the room.
(8:42:32 PM) lunaKM: Oh my Monkgirl, I’ve done that and never will again. He threatened to never give it back too.
(8:42:34 PM) lunaKM: hi twistmahtit
(8:42:41 PM) kellkat1975: i think the trust should b earned
(8:42:41 PM) lunaKM: that was long long long ago
(8:42:46 PM) aletheia: I figure I earn it . . . by being what he loves and desires.
(8:42:51 PM) hootchie: I grew up in a matriachal family. Women controlled everything. We butted heads for years, with me trying to be something I am not.
(8:42:54 PM) aletheia: The same way I would “earn” an engagement ring.
(8:43:05 PM) bonimiss: i see it as a measure of trust and commitment. He said it was a training collar. dont know whats next. there is always training.
(8:43:09 PM) aletheia: Hello twist
(8:43:13 PM) Monkgirl: Whew so there’s hope :-)
(8:43:29 PM) twistmahtit: hi, everybody!
(8:43:29 PM) aletheia: I want a locking collar . . . so I CAN’T remove it.
(8:43:35 PM) Saraa: Hi! :)
(8:44:25 PM) akabiNB: good night all
(8:44:30 PM) lunaKM: night akabiNB
(8:44:31 PM) aletheia: Good night, akabi.
(8:44:35 PM) davesjewel: night
(8:44:37 PM) hootchie: night
(8:44:37 PM) bonimiss: night
(8:44:40 PM) fuzzyp: so long, akabiNB
(8:44:43 PM) Saraa: G’night :)
(8:44:45 PM) lunaKM: Let’s talk about the types of collars
(8:44:51 PM) kellkat1975: i agree bonimiss
(8:44:54 PM) NightBlade: night all see ya all later
(8:45:01 PM) lunaKM: bonimiss already mentioned training collars, anyone else think of types they’ve heard of?
(8:45:04 PM) aletheia: Good night NightBlade.
(8:45:12 PM) tina-poLD: i see a collar a a physical symbll of commitment ……to reach the stage of conmitment each person gains & earns trust but to me a collar is a gift of agreed conmitment to each other ……He offers me his collar , his conmitment & i agree to accept this & agree to be conmitted to Him
(8:45:13 PM) lunaKM: night NightBlade
(8:45:19 PM) kellkat1975: night akabi
(8:45:21 PM) aletheia: LOL . . . collars of protection, collars of consideration, collars of ownership . . .
(8:45:25 PM) davesjewel: i didn’t mind “earning” it…i learned alot and to have him collar me before that would have a total loss
(8:45:40 PM) akabiNB left the room (quit: Quit: http://www.mibbit.com ajax IRC Client).
(8:45:47 PM) hootchie: I agree
(8:45:57 PM) kellkat1975: night NightBlade
(8:46:11 PM) twistmahtit: i will not take his collar until i’m totally free and can give all of me.
(8:46:22 PM) lunaKM: thank you aletheia, what do you think of all the different types, are they different?
(8:46:23 PM) NightBlade left the room (quit: Quit: http://www.mibbit.com ajax IRC Client).
(8:46:26 PM) aletheia: The way I see it . . . he collars me because he wants to own me . . . and then it’s up to him to shape me to his desires.
(8:47:06 PM) aletheia: Well . . . a lot of the kinds of collars are from the so-called Old Guard system, where it was a process of “earning” higher levels of collaring over time.
(8:47:53 PM) aletheia: I think the idea that you need to be collared to someone for “protection” is a little scary. And if you’re still in the stage of consideration, I don’t think you should wear a collar full-time.
(8:48:11 PM) ***lunaKM nods I tend to agree
(8:48:14 PM) aletheia: I mean, if you want to, that’s fine. But from my perspective . . . a collar requires more commitment than that.
(8:48:22 PM) lunaKM: I don’t think we need to have distinctions of different collars
(8:48:22 PM) hootchie: I agree
(8:48:35 PM) lunaKM: I think it clouds what the main symbol of it is
(8:48:45 PM) aletheia: I
(8:48:48 PM) Saraa: i very much agree with that!
(8:49:02 PM) hootchie: Which is? A symbol of the relationship…..
(8:49:02 PM) Saraa: i had never heard of so many different types before tonight
(8:49:33 PM) twistmahtit: collar can be very helpful if you aren’t 24/7. A necklace can become a collar by clicking on a little padlock from the dollar store. i have enough stuff to memorize as it is, lol!
(8:49:39 PM) aletheia: I can imagine having . . . say, a collar I can remove myself in the first few months of our relationship, when I don’t necessarily consider myself FULLY owned, and then a “proper” locking collar when I make my final commitment.
(8:49:44 PM) Monkgirl left the room (quit: Quit: http://www.mibbit.com ajax IRC Client).
(8:49:53 PM) Monkgirl [Mibbit@kinknet-97d.np1.205.166.IP] entered the room.
(8:50:29 PM) aletheia: Making the transition from submissive to slave, I suppose.
(8:50:50 PM) twistmahtit: it’s possible to be slave in all but name and collar.
(8:51:01 PM) aeonsangel left the room (quit: Quit: http://www.mibbit.com ajax IRC Client).
(8:51:09 PM) lunaKM: Let’s move on to collaring ceremonies
(8:51:28 PM) lunaKM: a lot is talked about with these. From those of you who are collared, did you have a ceremony?
(8:51:36 PM) twistmahtit: Par-tay!
(8:51:56 PM) davesjewel: yes a private one
(8:52:04 PM) bonimiss: no but it was a lovely moment
(8:52:18 PM) hootchie: Not in our case. My Master is a very private person. So it was the 2 of us.
(8:52:20 PM) holly [Mibbit@kinknet-svllak.ip.windstream.net] entered the room.
(8:52:20 PM) davesjewel: only 4 involved
(8:52:25 PM) aletheia: Hello holly.
(8:52:26 PM) lunaKM: hello holly
(8:52:31 PM) davesjewel: hi holly
(8:52:33 PM) bonimiss: hi holly
(8:52:33 PM) tina-poLD: for me it was private between the two of us …..
(8:52:34 PM) hootchie: Hi holly
(8:52:37 PM) holly: hello all!
(8:52:39 PM) twistmahtit: hi holly
(8:52:42 PM) Saraa: hey Holly!
(8:52:44 PM) lunaKM: Do you think that the idea of larger ceremonies is uncommon then?
(8:53:12 PM) hootchie: I have heard stories
(8:53:19 PM) davesjewel: no, some do have them…i have heard
(8:53:28 PM) aletheia: I’ve seen pictures.
(8:53:31 PM) fuzzyp: also just heard – never seen
(8:53:35 PM) tina-poLD: i dont think so luna from my research public collarings are not unsual
(8:53:44 PM) kellkat1975: hello holly
(8:54:00 PM) holly: hi kellkat1975
(8:54:04 PM) tina-poLD: much like a wedding or even included in a wedding
(8:54:06 PM) Saraa: what wouls a ceremony be like? a party? gathering? ect…
(8:54:11 PM) Saraa: would*
(8:54:26 PM) lunaKM: it’s closer to a wedding Saraa
(8:54:26 PM) Saraa: i mean a public ceremony
(8:54:27 PM) hootchie: I have heard included in wedding
(8:54:36 PM) aletheia: I think it’s only natural, when you’re very involved in your local “community,” that you might want to have your friends involved . . . just as you would if it were a wedding.
(8:54:42 PM) lunaKM: it’s typically ritualized
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(8:55:02 PM) Monkgirl [Mibbit@kinknet-97d.np1.205.166.IP] entered the room.
(8:55:14 PM) hootchie: We made vows to each other. For example, I will not say no, before talking things out.
(8:55:15 PM) Saraa: so its like a commitment ceremony?
(8:55:22 PM) lunaKM: yes
(8:55:42 PM) twistmahtit: we plan a private ritual and then a public party/announcement. Handfasting maybe but i will not marry again.
(8:55:58 PM) hootchie: One of Master’s is to look at things from a sub’s point of view, not just mine.
(8:56:14 PM) herinchworm left the room (quit: Quit: http://www.mibbit.com ajax IRC Client).
(8:56:24 PM) aletheia: I wouldn’t like a huge gathering but it might be nice to have come VERY close friends involved.
(8:56:26 PM) hootchie: Ahhh. I have seen handfasting ceremonies….
(8:56:30 PM) aletheia: *some
(8:56:42 PM) hootchie: So romantic
(8:56:45 PM) Saraa: If you were part of a large community and its seen as a celebration, i imagine it to be pretty great, but im quite a private person :)
(8:57:00 PM) hootchie: nodding my head
(8:57:32 PM) kellkat1975: so am I, sara
(8:57:55 PM) lunaKM: anything else you think we need to cover about collars?
(8:57:56 PM) aletheia: Honestly . . . if I were kneeling before him and he were fastening a collar around my neck . . . it wouldn’t matter if we were alone or in the middle of Times Square. All I would see would be him.
(8:58:02 PM) Saraa: :) this is first time i have spoken about anything to anyone other than my partner :)
(8:58:15 PM) hootchie: It is nice, isn’t it.
(8:58:24 PM) Saraa: feels good to hear other people and im learning lots!
(8:58:46 PM) lunaKM: that’s good to hear Saraa
(8:58:53 PM) hootchie: :)
(8:58:57 PM) twistmahtit: Our formal announcement will happen at a big pagan event center in PA, in the sacred stone circle. But the collaring will already be done.
(8:59:00 PM) Saraa: :D
(8:59:34 PM) hootchie: Awwww. That makes my heart feel good.
(8:59:38 PM) holly: I agree whole heartedly saraa!
(8:59:48 PM) aletheia: Could I ask people’s personal opinion on something?
(8:59:55 PM) kellkat1975: Yes, it is. I am learning much too.
(9:00:00 PM) lunaKM: yeah, go aletheia
(9:00:02 PM) hootchie: :D
(9:00:04 PM) Saraa: and everyones so lovely!
(9:00:07 PM) Monkgirl left the room (quit: Quit: http://www.mibbit.com ajax IRC Client).
(9:00:09 PM) Saraa: go for it :)
(9:00:12 PM) Monkgirl [Mibbit@kinknet-97d.np1.205.166.IP] entered the room.
(9:00:37 PM) aletheia: Okay . . . I’ve been in my relationship for four months.
(9:01:11 PM) aletheia: And I love him . . . but sometimes I struggle with issues of definition.
(9:01:30 PM) aletheia: Is it possible to be owned as a slave, but not yet collared?
(9:01:51 PM) aletheia: And if neither of us feels ready for a collar yet, does that mean I’m not really his slave?
(9:02:30 PM) hootchie: *bowing most respectfully to luna*
(9:02:37 PM) lunaKM: you can be a slave and not be collared
(9:02:45 PM) lunaKM: It’s however you two want to define it
(9:02:54 PM) fuzzyp: the nice thing is that you get to define your own relationship – the two of your are whatever the two of you decide you are
(9:03:01 PM) lunaKM: and yes, if you call yourself his slave and he calls you his slave then you are really his slave
(9:03:02 PM) aletheia: Sometimes I wonder if we’re getting ahead of ourselves.
(9:03:32 PM) Saraa: if its how you both feel then surely its true? :)
(9:04:12 PM) twistmahtit: Are the symbols vital to either one of you? If not, it’s yours to define. If either one can walk away at any time, we don’t need to bog ourselves down with anybody else’s definitions.
(9:04:34 PM) hootchie: In my opinion, all relationships evolve and change. The definition will change as emotions change. It is your definition, your symbol.
(9:04:47 PM) bonimiss: i agree hootchie
(9:05:09 PM) bonimiss: its hard to define a moving target sometimes
(9:05:19 PM) Monkgirl left the room (quit: Quit: http://www.mibbit.com ajax IRC Client).
(9:05:25 PM) hootchie: *nodding*
(9:05:28 PM) Monkgirl [Mibbit@kinknet-97d.np1.205.166.IP] entered the room.
(9:05:31 PM) twistmahtit: lol, technical writers define moving targets all the time.
(9:05:33 PM) aletheia: I like that, bonimiss.
(9:05:35 PM) kellkat1975: I don’t know, alatheia. I get confused about definitions as well but I guess it is how you both define it.
(9:05:39 PM) aletheia: LOL twist.
(9:06:15 PM) aletheia: I guess part of me feels that I shouldn’t let myself be owned by him so soon . . . even though I can’t think of one good practical reason other than “it’s too soon.”
(9:06:31 PM) aletheia: But then there’s part of me that just wants . . . a clean delineation.
(9:06:37 PM) aletheia: To be either owned, or not.
(9:06:56 PM) holly: if it works for you aletheia then go with it
(9:07:04 PM) twistmahtit: Life is short, aletheia. If it will not hurt anybody else, go for what makes your soul sing.
(9:07:16 PM) aletheia: And that’s one thing a collar would do for me . . . and one reason I’m averse to “levels” of collaring . . . when he collars me, I’m owned.
(9:07:24 PM) hootchie: :D
(9:07:31 PM) Saraa: only you can say if it “too soon” if it feels right just go with it :)
(9:07:39 PM) aletheia: Wow, thank you holly and twist. That’s so beautiful.
(9:08:21 PM) twistmahtit: i will be 60 years old in a month and a half. Lived much too much of my life by “The Normies’” definitions.
(9:08:38 PM) bonimiss: i agree twist!
(9:08:46 PM) hootchie: agreeing
(9:08:49 PM) holly: defines are over rated, yet sometimes I seek to have them myself
(9:09:14 PM) hootchie: Because society has told us to for our whole lives
(9:09:26 PM) aletheia: I’ve been obsessed with definition and precision for every one of the 28.3 years of my post-natal life. ;)
(9:09:31 PM) lunaKM: See you didn’t need me :P
(9:09:45 PM) bonimiss: time for a collar question?
(9:09:47 PM) hootchie: :O
(9:09:52 PM) lunaKM: yup, shoot bonimiss
(9:10:10 PM) bonimiss: what would work best for beach .. with all the lotions and sweat etc
(9:10:23 PM) hootchie: Good question!
(9:10:27 PM) twistmahtit: Am seriously considering wearing wrist cuffs as symbols of my hands to his service, collaring when i am totally free of debts and commitments and can commit fully to 24/7 RL.
(9:10:30 PM) Monkgirl left the room (quit: Quit: http://www.mibbit.com ajax IRC Client).
(9:11:10 PM) twistmahtit: If anybody asks, just look ‘em straight in the eye and ask “Are you sure you really want to know?”
(9:11:11 PM) lunaKM: well you want something that isn’t going to corrode, rust or deteriorate
(9:11:17 PM) Saraa: here at the beach you just have to worry about rain!
(9:11:32 PM) aletheia: I’m really attracted to incorruptible metal collars . . . something I can wear all the time without worrying about water, wear, etc.
(9:11:34 PM) bonimiss: i dont just want a simple necklace
(9:11:35 PM) lunaKM: so, stainless steel, rubber, plastic?
(9:11:47 PM) lunaKM: gold
(9:11:53 PM) KnyghtMare: rubber degrades
(9:11:56 PM) bonimiss: like the gold idea, lol
(9:12:02 PM) lunaKM: thanks Master, missed that
(9:12:28 PM) bonimiss: I want to ask Him but want to suggest things also
(9:12:29 PM) lunaKM: how about a tattoo or piercing
(9:12:34 PM) twistmahtit: Gold but get it made from fresh-panned or mined so it doesn’t have old stolen karma.
(9:12:43 PM) bonimiss: I had that on list
(9:13:18 PM) hootchie: I hadn’t thought about the gold…..thank you luna
(9:13:21 PM) twistmahtit: Silver is very nice too.
(9:13:33 PM) lunaKM: just make sure that it’s not pure (ish) silver
(9:13:37 PM) lunaKM: I had to polish mine every single day
(9:13:50 PM) lunaKM: body oils tarnish it
(9:13:50 PM) kellkat1975: silver tarnishes easily
(9:13:52 PM) holly: stolen karma? like a wedding ring from a pawn store lol twist
(9:13:55 PM) bonimiss: thank you lunaKM everyone for the ideas
(9:14:01 PM) Saraa: vintage silvers lovely
(9:14:08 PM) hootchie: Hootchie logging out…..
(9:14:12 PM) lunaKM: night hootchie
(9:14:14 PM) hootchie: Everyone have a great night.
(9:14:18 PM) aletheia: Good night hootchie.
(9:14:20 PM) bonimiss: night
(9:14:22 PM) holly: g’night hootchie
(9:14:22 PM) Saraa: G’night hootchie! :)
(9:14:26 PM) fuzzyp: good night
(9:14:31 PM) hootchie: Hugs to lunaKM and everyone else.
(9:14:42 PM) twistmahtit: Leather can work, just requires care. Night, hootchie!
(9:14:49 PM) kellkat1975: night hoochie
(9:15:04 PM) bonimiss: twist just clean it after wearing?
(9:15:11 PM) hootchie left the room (quit: Quit: http://www.mibbit.com ajax IRC Client).
(9:16:20 PM) twistmahtit: Seriously, most commercial gold carries very bad old energies from theft and betrayal of Native Americans.
(9:16:40 PM) bonimiss: so something from an antique store is out then?
(9:16:57 PM) holly: no I agree twist, just never heard anything from anyone else to that effect
(9:17:11 PM) aletheia: I wouldn’t worry about it boniness . . . if it something that works for you.
(9:17:31 PM) Saraa: i think things from antique stores have character and can be really beautiful
(9:17:37 PM) twistmahtit: If i did not know the source of the gold, i would not wear it. But there are lots of places now to get “virgin” gold. My budget these days leans more toward nylon webbing, tho.
(9:17:45 PM) aletheia: I agree Saraa. I love antiques.
(9:18:02 PM) Saraa: :)
(9:18:02 PM) aletheia: I love things with some history to them.
(9:18:27 PM) bonimiss: well He will decide what it will be but these suggestions are great. first I have to see if I can get alternate collar for beach. thank you
(9:18:30 PM) twistmahtit: Not many antique collars in the shops around here, hee hee.
(9:18:32 PM) davesjewel: good night all….have t get up early…nice chatting with you
(9:18:35 PM) Saraa: i like that they have been somewhere before and others have owned it, its got life :)
(9:18:36 PM) holly: lol
(9:18:41 PM) aletheia: Good night, davesjewel.
(9:18:43 PM) KnyghtMare: and watch out for cursed Aztec gold or you’ll be undead forever!
(9:18:44 PM) bonimiss: night
(9:18:46 PM) holly: g’night davesjewel
(9:18:48 PM) fuzzyp: g’night, davesjewel
(9:18:50 PM) aletheia: LOL!!
(9:18:54 PM) Saraa: haha if you were going for vanilla collar then maybe!
(9:18:59 PM) Saraa: Night davesjewel
(9:19:17 PM) aletheia: I don’t think I’d want a preowned collar. I just love antiques in general.
(9:19:31 PM) davesjewel left the room (quit: Quit: http://www.mibbit.com ajax IRC Client).
(9:19:47 PM) bonimiss: i was thinking a necklace that felt like collar, maybe a choker
(9:19:55 PM) Saraa: i love old jewelerry from antique stores
(9:20:07 PM) holly: so do I!
(9:20:23 PM) Saraa: :)
(9:20:36 PM) twistmahtit: ah, now you’re talkin’!
(9:22:14 PM) twistmahtit: What does everybody think about the idea of “trying on” being collared, like in a Scene, before making the full commitment?
(9:22:41 PM) lunaKM: makes sense. Many bottoms wear collars during scenes only
(9:23:13 PM) aletheia: It would be one thing to wear a collar in play . . . if he wanted to have me on a leash or something like that . . . but it wouldn’t really be the same “kind” of collar in my way of thinking.
(9:23:27 PM) Saraa: silly questionbut what exactly is bottoms?
(9:23:30 PM) aletheia: It wouldn’t be the kind of collar that represents lifetime ownership and commitment.
(9:23:52 PM) aletheia: A bottom is the “receiving” or “passive” partner in a scene.
(9:24:03 PM) kellkat1975: It’s time for me to take my dog out. I enjoyed meeting everyone and learning much.
(9:24:14 PM) aletheia: The one that stuff is being done to. :)
(9:24:18 PM) twistmahtit: i was an owned slave for 19 years before bdsm community, safewords, all that good stuff. It ended badly, he took me financially as well as emotionally and mentally.
(9:24:21 PM) bonimiss: good night kellk
(9:24:22 PM) aletheia: Nice meeting you, kellkat.
(9:24:26 PM) kellkat1975: Goodnight!
(9:24:32 PM) holly: g’night kellkat
(9:24:34 PM) Saraa: ahh! thanks :)
(9:24:36 PM) twistmahtit: Night kellk
(9:24:40 PM) Saraa: G’night! x
(9:24:57 PM) fuzzyp: good night
(9:25:02 PM) mib_6goqpl [Mibbit@kinknet-f6k3am.mia.bellsouth.net] entered the room.
(9:25:08 PM) aletheia: Hello mib.
(9:25:13 PM) lunaKM: hello mib_6goqpl
(9:25:16 PM) twistmahtit: hi, mib
(9:25:21 PM) holly: hi mib
(9:25:21 PM) bonimiss: hi mib_6
(9:25:23 PM) kellkat1975 left the room (quit: Quit: http://www.mibbit.com ajax IRC Client).
(9:25:30 PM) Saraa: Hi :)
(9:25:55 PM) tina-poLD: a collar is a universal symbol within the BDSM lifestyle isnt it?
(9:26:03 PM) mib_6goqpl left the room (quit: Quit: http://www.mibbit.com ajax IRC Client).
(9:26:18 PM) aletheia: To the extent that a universal symbol can mean different things to different people, yes.
(9:26:28 PM) twistmahtit: Even owned and collared there will be some clear hard limits this time.
(9:26:53 PM) aletheia: Good for you, twist.
(9:28:29 PM) twistmahtit: lol can a slave have a pre-nup? Of course, because it’s still “safe, sane, consensual”.
(9:28:44 PM) lunaKM: well folks, it’s time for me to call it a night
(9:28:53 PM) tina-poLD: goodnight luna
(9:28:55 PM) aletheia: Thank you luna . . . this was a great chat.
(9:28:59 PM) lunaKM: have a great one and don’t leave on my account. Enjoy the chat room!
My name is lunaKM and I’m a full-time stay-at-home submissive in a D/s relationship.
I started blogging when I was exploring D/s online in 2003. I needed advice, mentors and helping hands. Since then I've made it my mission to help novice submissives understand themselves and the services they wish to provide. 
“And he said “But where is your collar really? Around your neck, or in your heart?””
Oh – this made me melt. I just–melted. Into a puddle of goo. How sweet is this?
(I still want a collar, though.)
-grin-