Q: I have a very strong personality, and am really independent in my relationships- but I've always wanted to be totally submissive during sex. As I've explored BDSM I realize that it's not the sensation/masochism elements that I want to experience, but rather the psychological dominance. Is there anything to describe top/bottom relationships of this kind, or is it just something within the scope of the range of behaviors?

Also, have you read about these kinds of relationships, where two people can have different kinds of dynamics inside and out of the bedroom and thereby achieve a kind of balance... or, as I am a bit inclined to think from what I've read on your site, that it's inappropriate for a bottom to 'switch' like that and wouldn't be considered a true bottom?

Thank you for answering my questions, and sorry I'm so clueless!

A: Sadism and Masochism doesn’t have to be a part of any power exchange regardless of how you wish to establish your relationship. Does there need to be a label given to what you feel you need? You will get many opinions on this and the only right one is what you create for yourself.

Concerning the different dynamics in relationships, I have read personal testimonies from other people and have experienced them myself. You can create a number of different types of dynamics inside and outside the bedroom and find balance. It all depends upon whether or not your partner is also compatible with your wants and needs and vice versa.

When it comes to topping from the bottom that is only inappropriate if it is not agreed upon by both parties. It is negotiated, then have fun and enjoy the moment.  Above all, don’t get caught up in labels, always communicate your wants and needs, and have fun.