Mentoring, self-help and submissive exploration

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20 responses to “What Do Female Dominants Desire in a Male Submissive?”

  1. kinkybelle

    Great article, fuzzyP.

  2. Switch

    I usually top except with one relationship so I haven’t much experience with submitting, however, in my experience my domme is still a women and shares certain expectations of a man along with all the other (all submissive) women I have dated. She seem to be turned on by my success, drive, confidence, and self-respect, and my ability to make submission all about her interests and desires, annulling my own interests, but still very much having interests (provided honestly on request) and not being ashamed of my desires. I gather from reading a few posts on the subject that “doormats,” who would let anyone dominate or perhaps even abuse them, are not desired. Men in general are a dime a dozen, I believe that one that carries himself like a good catch (and really does make themselves into a good catch) will be caught.

  3. FuzzyP


  4. FuzzyP

    You make a great point, and I would say that you are entirely correct in suggesting that “doormats” are unatractive and undesirable (perhaps not always, but generally). Although I didn’t get into that particular topic here, one of the questions I was asked to write about was “Is male submission a form of weakness?” Weakness woud be incompatible with the positive attributes you list (“success, drive, confidence…”). Thanks for your input, and I couldn’t agree more.

  5. kinkybelle

    Weakness does not seem to fit my own understanding of D/s or tops/bottoms. I think that it takes a great deal of personal strength, self awareness, and understanding to submit, to even admit that’s what you want to do.

  6. Joanna Lark

    “Begin with a Domme’s profile – AND READ IT.” – good point fuzzyp, when slave is resourceful it’s most likely he will pass the first of the 9 gates…
    “She might also give instructions on how to contact her. FOLLOW THEM.” – you wouldn’t believe how few men actually does it!
    And “doormat test” is one of first tests I put them through, and when I find no spine, I leave such a candidate outside…

  7. FuzzyP

    Thank you for your comments. And I find myself curious as to what your “doormat test” involves.

  8. Joanna Lark

    I can’t tell you all my secrets fuzzyp – the wanna-be slaves might be reading this right now ;)
    But for example if I request a “human ashtray” and the candidate, in particular non-smoker/not into smoke fetish opens his mouth straight away regardless of the health risk – that’s a signal for me to watch him closer. I also like to challenge my slaves and give them sometimes ridiculous tasks just to see their reaction and test the ability to say “No” to me…

  9. FuzzyP

    Thank you for sharing some of your secrets. I appreciate the insights.

  10. G.C.

    I have resently entered into a D/s relationship (love it) but Ive never been a sub before. I find this to be exciting in real life as well as the bedroom and this artical to be spot on to what Ive learned the hard way. Wish I had read this sooner

  11. Miss Pearl

    Femdom here!

    Giving us what you think we want rather than what we want, is probably one of the biggest challenges in F/m. I think probably one of the worst ways this gets played out is pushing too hard on the carnal aspect, or assuming a dynamic too soon. But I’ve also seen people do this to me in vanilla and watched femsubs put up with it, so I think it’s also a byproduct of male initiative led courtship. In so much as

    Now in the case women (and this is a rare time I will speak about 51% of humans like we are a collective), we have been historically burdened with being the boundary setters. So it’s not so much that we don’t have sexual desires as that we are often dealing with being the ones policing consent regardless of where we fall on the kink spectrum- hence the reaction to overly early dick shots, etc. I like cock as much as the next mostly hetero lady, but I still have to confirm that the presence of cock will be produced with sensitivity to the dangers inherent in my gender baggage.

    Beyond that, too much sexual objectification is the kiss of death- I get a lot of guys who see ‘dom’ and were not paying attention to the actual person behind the profile- up to people who get my hair colour wrong despite providing a photo!

    And there’s a general tendency to treat all doms like the fantasy dom in their head- assuming that she must be into X, Y and Z because the guy wants to experience X, Y and Z. In reality I might be into X, Q and M, turned off by Z and into Y when I do it with the right person.

    My mother, of all people, gave me pretty good advice, that the ‘vanilla’ chemistry has to be good before the kink stuff will work properly. Thus, my best advice to male subs courting is that outside the communication requests she explicitly spells out (ie do/do not call me Mistress, etc) try your damnedest to get to know *her*. not just go through a song and dance of trying to impress her and be nice to her, but try to know the person behind the orientation because that’s the person who, if it works out, will be your dom.

  12. Otakugrowl

    What’s the best way to say “no” to your mistress when you can’t do something?
    That has been bothering me for awhile….

  13. TheRogue

    @Otakugrowl. Just say it. Your Mistress will understand the word and the meaning behind the word far better than you believe She will. When you say ‘no’, she will understand the anxiety, fear or confusion behind the use of the word. To an experienced Mistress, ‘no’ does not always mean disobedience.

  14. Yourstouse

    You ask, “What Do Female Dominants Desire in a Male Submissive?”

    The want to be worshiped as a Goddess, because.

    Women are without doubt the superior sex, they are more intelligent, more knowledgeable, wiser, cleverer, more articulate, better educated, better informed, better manipulators, are so much more attractive than men, have lovely silky smooth skin, beautiful hair, their complete overall body shape is far superior to ours, their clothing is far better than ours.

    In other words they are “Perfection”, and therefore, deserve to be kept continually in a state of idle luxury, at our expense.

    We males should realize that we are only here to be used by women for their pleasure, enjoyment, entertainment, amusement. To do all the housework, cleaning cooking, shopping excreta, and thereby enable our owners to enjoy a life of comparative ease, whilst at the same time exercising complete and total authority over a member of the inferior sex.

    I can think of no greater honour than to be used by a woman as her toilet, and demonstrate my total devotion to she who is my Goddess, and also have her demonstrate her total authority over this worthless sub male who is fit only to be a receptacle for her unwanted waste products.


  15. Yourstouse

    What Do Female Dominants Desire in a Male Submissive?”

    Further to the above.

    My dominant owner wife who’s property it is my privilege to be has been out for a long walk.

    She just loves for me to get down on all fours, crawl forward towards her, kiss her feet, and beg to be allowed to lick, and swallow all the dirt off her shoes.

    After I have done this she will say, “Your mouth must be very dirty, let me clean it for you”. She then urinates into a large glass, gives it to me, and orders me to drink it all.

    She also enjoys tying me up, and punishing me with her cane just for her own amusement, when I have done nothing wrong at all.


  16. Yourstouse

    Another example of how I have been used.

    My owner had to go away to attend a week end conference, and as She was unable to take me along. She therefore loaned me out to Her friend Cynthia, from Friday after noon, till Monday morning.

    Cynthia asked if she could do just whatever she wanted with me. Why yes of course you can She replied, He is yours for you to enjoy yourself with. Only you must not do anything which results in permanent injury, or ill health.

    Cynthia who was absolutely delighted to have me all to herself for that period. She did not use my mouth for her first urination after getting out of bed, but used a large drinking glass instead, and put it at one side for later use.

    She usually prefers to go barefoot when in the house, except of course in the kitchen as the floor can sometimes be cold, and then she wears slippers, but on this occasion she remained barefoot, and ordered me to lie naked face up on the floor, so that she could use me as a carpet to walk on as she prepared a meal for herself.

    She is a very provocative young woman, and had chosen to wear a short mini skirt so that as she stood on my chest I could be in no doubt as I gazed upwards, that it was a female who was on top of me, and I was nothing more that an inanimate object under her feet, she was in charge, she was the boss.

    She took her food to the table, but before sitting down, ordered me to move the padded bench seat so that it was at right angles to the table. She then put two large square cushions on the end nearest the table, told me to lie
    face upwards with my head on them, inserted the two reinforced plastic tubes into my nostrils, and sat herself down on my face, she moved around a little in order to find the best position, and started her meal.

    She likes her food, and takes her time over consuming it, Just how long she sat there I don’t know, but I didn’t care, It was awesome, Cynthia is a big mature fully figured girl weighing I would think perhaps some 220 pounds, or thereabouts, and to have that weight on my face was truly incredible.

    I of course was in complete and total darkness which I greatly enjoy. Cynthia went on eating until she was comfortably full, I on the other hand had not had anything to eat, and was hungry.

    She at last got up, and said, that was great, now come with me as I have a special treat for you, I thought she meant to use me as her toilet, but instead she took me to her bedroom, ordered me to lie on top of it with my head hanging down over the end.

    She then took several large straps and secured me tightly in place so that I couldn’t move, she then left the room, returning a short while later holding a large transparent flexible plastic bag containing her recently deposited liquid and solid waste, including also the contents of the drinking glass she had used after she got out of bed.

    My head was still hanging upside down over the foot of her bed, and was about 6 inches above the floor, she took the bag, put it underneath and lifted it up until it’s contents were in contact with the top of my head, she then inserted a breathing tube, and proceeded to fasten the bags neck around my neck with a strap tight enough to keep it in place, but not to tight.

    She then placed a piece of furniture against the back of my head to stop me from lifting it up. Well, what’s that like she said, all that lovely food and drink you are so desperate to swallow but can’t , and what about the smell, boy I bet it really stinks in there, see you later she said smiling, and left the room.

    She was loving every minute of humiliating me, and she was right, the stink was far worse that any I had ever had before.

    How long my head was suspended upside down inside a bag of her foul excrement, and putrid piss I do not know, but in due course Cynthia returned, and first removed the furniture holding my head in place.

    She then took hold of the outer corner of the bag, and lifted it up causing the contents to flow in front of my mouth, you must by now be very thirsty she said, have a drink, go on I bet it tastes really strong by now. I was indeed thirsty and must have sucked up almost a pint before stopping, now what about the other stuff she continued, you must be hungry as well?.

    Let me help you she said and put her other hand directly underneath one of her huge floating lumps, moved it until one end was right under my mouth, and the other end above the top of my nose, then she said go on swallow it, of course I couldn’t.

    Your useless she continued, here am I doing my best for you, and you don’t deserve it, whereupon she slowly moved her gloved hand further upwards as far as she could, and then from side to side smearing it all over my face.

    Next she lowered the bag again, undid the strap round my neck, and removed it, Cynthia then emptied the contents into a bowl on the floor, released the straps holding me on her bed, ordered me to get up, get on the floor on all fours, go forward, lower my head into the bowl.

    Use one hand to wash the muck off my face using her piss, and then drink, and eat the lot swallowing everything, she stood over me strap in hand, and said, if I didn’t she would beat me until I did.

    Hearing Cynthia say, “if I didn’t she would beat me until I did”, was indeed music to my ears, I desperately wanted to be beaten by her, but not as a result of my asking her to beat me, it had to be her idea, not mine, it must be something she wanted to do to me, regardless of my feelings.

    I wanted it so much, that I pretended to be reluctant, and at once felt the pain of two hearty blows of her strap on my back, quickly I lowered my face down into her stone cold offering and consumed some more, after a few seconds I raised my head again to take a breather only to receive another four belts, and hear her angry voice say.

    “What did I tell you, get your head down and keep it there”, where upon she moved forward standing directly above me with one foot either side of the bowl, she then lifted her right foot, and placed it on top of my head, and said now get on with it.

    Cynthia is only about half the age of my Owner, and to have some one so young using me in the way she did was the most awesome experience I have ever had. She had taken to the job of dominating me like a duck to water, and was really enjoying using me for her pleasure

    I was totally devoted to her, and if anything (although I should not say this) I loved her more than any other Woman.

    In due course I managed to finish my meal, and Cynthia removed her foot from on top of my head, and moved away from me, I was still on all fours, and on an impulse, and by way of saying thank you I took the liberty of moving to her feet, and kissed both of them many times..

    I thought she would be pleased, but just the opposite, she was very angry saying, “How dare you do anything without my permission, now Neal down in front of me, and look at me”, she then slapped my face several times on both cheeks, and said you will indeed kiss my feet, but only when I want you to, now come with me.

    There was a program on TV that she wanted to watch whilst having a snack, and at the same time sitting on my face, but this time the other way round, she had removed her panties and I was instructed to lick, suck, and kiss her arse hole, and not to stop until she told me to, after what seemed an age.

    She re positioned herself, so that the point of my nose entered her by then somewhat distended anal ring, once she was sure that it was as far inside her rectum as it could go, she proceeded let off the most enormous fart which as it happened was a wet one, afterwards she again repositioned herself, so that I could continue to lick her glorious aperture

    When she got up, she looked at me and said, “Your face is dirty, you need a wash, come with me and I will give you one”, she then took me to the bathroom, and said,”lie on the floor face up”, produced the bowl that had been used before, put it under my head, lowered herself down until her pussy was about 6″ above my face.

    And then smiling at me she said and now I am going to give you the wash I promised, and proceeded to give my face an all over golden shower, “Now that’s much better isn’t it”, she said, and look, “You also have a nice tasty drink as well at no extra charge”.

    Later on that day, Cynthia who I worship was sitting in a comfortable arm chair, said, “So, you like to kiss me feet do you, well get down here in front of me, take each of my by now very smelly feet into your mouth, lick, suck, and wash every toe until it is spotlessly clean, then lie down on your back with your head where you can lick clean the underside of each foot in turn.

    You are of course to swallow any of the dirt I have walked in during the day, then the heels, the ankles, and the rest of the surface until each one is once more lovely and soft and supple again, you are not to stop until I tell you to, and then if I am satisfied, I will reward you by walking all over you, and at the end stand on your face for as long as I can.

    Boy do I love this Woman.


  17. lunaKM


    Thank you for sharing your stories, but I’m going to now ask you to find another avenue for further details of your life. You can create a blog for free at if you’d like.

  18. Possibility

    With all due respect. I believe that there is no such thing as a superior race/sex. Why would you consider the idea that you are worthless? Human nature is to get rid of things that are worthless, not hold on to them. A sub, as well as a Mistress, both have their value in their own way. You are as valuable to her as She is to you. Especially in time when the relationship and connection between the two of you grows. Perhaps it’s i big turn-on for you that she humiliates you in this way. But I’m pretty sure when you genuinely ask her how she feels about you, she will see you as someone she respects and values. Maybe even loves (I don’t know your relationship to her). When you really are just a piece of garbage (and she means it) to her, then you should leave her i my opinion. Being a sub doesn’t mean we can’t have self-respect. On the contrary, a true deep connection from person to person is impossible when you have no respect for yourself. Whatever you’r preferences are.

  19. Charles

    I am new at this and I have searched the vast regions of the internet and found this site! And I did find this to be one of my many questions. This did clear up a lot of my concern and was very helpful for my confidence! Now all I need is to find a site to find one! My grand search continues.

  20. Dan

    Finding this was an extreme help. I just recently became involved in a D/s relationship. Reading this article helped ease a few lingering thoughts I had. Thank you!

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