Mentoring, self-help and submissive exploration

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13 responses to “What Do Female Dominants Desire in a Male Submissive?”

  1. kinkybelle

    Great article, fuzzyP.

  2. Switch

    I usually top except with one relationship so I haven’t much experience with submitting, however, in my experience my domme is still a women and shares certain expectations of a man along with all the other (all submissive) women I have dated. She seem to be turned on by my success, drive, confidence, and self-respect, and my ability to make submission all about her interests and desires, annulling my own interests, but still very much having interests (provided honestly on request) and not being ashamed of my desires. I gather from reading a few posts on the subject that “doormats,” who would let anyone dominate or perhaps even abuse them, are not desired. Men in general are a dime a dozen, I believe that one that carries himself like a good catch (and really does make themselves into a good catch) will be caught.

  3. FuzzyP


  4. FuzzyP

    You make a great point, and I would say that you are entirely correct in suggesting that “doormats” are unatractive and undesirable (perhaps not always, but generally). Although I didn’t get into that particular topic here, one of the questions I was asked to write about was “Is male submission a form of weakness?” Weakness woud be incompatible with the positive attributes you list (“success, drive, confidence…”). Thanks for your input, and I couldn’t agree more.

  5. kinkybelle

    Weakness does not seem to fit my own understanding of D/s or tops/bottoms. I think that it takes a great deal of personal strength, self awareness, and understanding to submit, to even admit that’s what you want to do.

  6. Joanna Lark

    “Begin with a Domme’s profile – AND READ IT.” – good point fuzzyp, when slave is resourceful it’s most likely he will pass the first of the 9 gates…
    “She might also give instructions on how to contact her. FOLLOW THEM.” – you wouldn’t believe how few men actually does it!
    And “doormat test” is one of first tests I put them through, and when I find no spine, I leave such a candidate outside…

  7. FuzzyP

    Thank you for your comments. And I find myself curious as to what your “doormat test” involves.

  8. Joanna Lark

    I can’t tell you all my secrets fuzzyp – the wanna-be slaves might be reading this right now ;)
    But for example if I request a “human ashtray” and the candidate, in particular non-smoker/not into smoke fetish opens his mouth straight away regardless of the health risk – that’s a signal for me to watch him closer. I also like to challenge my slaves and give them sometimes ridiculous tasks just to see their reaction and test the ability to say “No” to me…

  9. FuzzyP

    Thank you for sharing some of your secrets. I appreciate the insights.

  10. G.C.

    I have resently entered into a D/s relationship (love it) but Ive never been a sub before. I find this to be exciting in real life as well as the bedroom and this artical to be spot on to what Ive learned the hard way. Wish I had read this sooner

  11. Miss Pearl

    Femdom here!

    Giving us what you think we want rather than what we want, is probably one of the biggest challenges in F/m. I think probably one of the worst ways this gets played out is pushing too hard on the carnal aspect, or assuming a dynamic too soon. But I’ve also seen people do this to me in vanilla and watched femsubs put up with it, so I think it’s also a byproduct of male initiative led courtship. In so much as

    Now in the case women (and this is a rare time I will speak about 51% of humans like we are a collective), we have been historically burdened with being the boundary setters. So it’s not so much that we don’t have sexual desires as that we are often dealing with being the ones policing consent regardless of where we fall on the kink spectrum- hence the reaction to overly early dick shots, etc. I like cock as much as the next mostly hetero lady, but I still have to confirm that the presence of cock will be produced with sensitivity to the dangers inherent in my gender baggage.

    Beyond that, too much sexual objectification is the kiss of death- I get a lot of guys who see ‘dom’ and were not paying attention to the actual person behind the profile- up to people who get my hair colour wrong despite providing a photo!

    And there’s a general tendency to treat all doms like the fantasy dom in their head- assuming that she must be into X, Y and Z because the guy wants to experience X, Y and Z. In reality I might be into X, Q and M, turned off by Z and into Y when I do it with the right person.

    My mother, of all people, gave me pretty good advice, that the ‘vanilla’ chemistry has to be good before the kink stuff will work properly. Thus, my best advice to male subs courting is that outside the communication requests she explicitly spells out (ie do/do not call me Mistress, etc) try your damnedest to get to know *her*. not just go through a song and dance of trying to impress her and be nice to her, but try to know the person behind the orientation because that’s the person who, if it works out, will be your dom.

  12. Otakugrowl

    What’s the best way to say “no” to your mistress when you can’t do something?
    That has been bothering me for awhile….

  13. TheRogue

    @Otakugrowl. Just say it. Your Mistress will understand the word and the meaning behind the word far better than you believe She will. When you say ‘no’, she will understand the anxiety, fear or confusion behind the use of the word. To an experienced Mistress, ‘no’ does not always mean disobedience.

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