I have spent much time pondering the seemingly conflicting views of feminism and submission. In the first part of my article, I would like to discuss feminism and how it fits in with my view of both the BDSM community and submission. In the second part, I will explore how I practice feminism in my personal life.
Some definitions are pertinent to this discussion. In a class on gender issues I heard that ‘traditional’ feminism, the feminism I grew up with, is defined as a movement with a belief in the social, political and economic equality of the sexes. A speaker who did her PhD on feminism defined the current form of feminist as ‘a person who shares a concern regarding how women live in the world’. When I spoke to her afterwards about how she thought that definition might fit into a D/s relationship where the submissive considers herself an ardent feminist, she said that as long as a woman had an interest in self-improvement, and/or the improvement of the lives of women, that she would be a feminist. Aha! I thought. This fits so well into D/s!
I also read a description of D/s that further fit my thoughts on feminism. Tristan Taormino in The Village Voice (www.villagevoice.com) wrote that “successful D/s relationships are like well-choreographed dances: there is a clear leader and a clear follower and both partners get a lot out of their respective roles. The dominant provides structure and guidance, and the submissive wants to surrender control. Each person has equal power within the relationship, but the dominant has more authority”.
The key to the D/s relationship is the power exchange. The submissive gives the power to the Dom, who then controls her. (I am going to use male Doms and female subs for this argument. Female Dommes are an obvious indication of feminism I think). Yet the submissive retains the power to call ‘yellow’ (or God forbid ‘red’) and regain control. In reality, the submissive is powerful all the time, whereas the Dom is powerful only with her willingness. Considering Taormino’s definition of both partners having equal power, this falls into even the traditional definition of feminism as social equality between the sexes.
The ability to choose one’s path is the ultimate goal of social feminism. A woman interested in the bdsm lifestyle has multiple choices open to her. She can submit to either a male or female Dom/me, she can choose to be a Domme herself, or she can follow the ultimate feminist choice – switch and be whatever she wishes whenever she wishes.
Strong concerns with gender and sexuality issues are a hallmark of feminist interest. People in the bdsm lifestyle tend to be inclusive rather than exclusive. The pansexual attitude welcoming gays, lesbians, transsexuals, transvestites and more, show an acceptance of equality for all gender types and preferences.
The motto of bdsm is ‘safe, sane and consensual’. Many in the community are concerned with the safety and personal growth of newcomers to the lifestyle. This becomes especially obvious reading postings on list from ‘newbies’ and viewing the constructive comments which pour in from other members. Concerns about abuses are particularly strong as every case of abuse hurts the image of a community which is just starting to come into the limelight. These concerns with safety and abuse are also a trademark of traditional feminists who have fought for so long for every woman to be safely able not only to walk openly at night, but safe to express her own sexuality or femininity in any way she wishes.
Most women in the lifestyle are ‘of a certain age’. The young tend to jump in and out as they explore various forms of sexuality. Mature women who become subs or Dommes tend to be very strong-willed and ‘self-knowing’. They enter the lifestyle either out of a need to express themselves, to further develop themselves, or to fulfill something that was “missing” or needed in their lives. It is a true expression of feminism to know one’s self enough and be strong enough to explore such a non-traditional lifestyle. The stronger the sub is the better the relationship with a Dom as the partnership is more equal. The sub is less likely to be open to abuse, and more able to learn and grow in a D/s relationship. Taormino further says that “a dominant on a power trip who likes to manipulate and prey on weakness is as dangerous as a submissive who doesn’t know what she wants and can’t stand up for herself, and neither is fit for a d/s relationship”. What fits the ideal of a submissive better than a feminist: strong, able to stand up for herself, and with a clear sense of self.
I will discuss how I have practiced feminism in my personal journey through BDSM in the next post of this series.
My name is lunaKM and I’m a full-time stay-at-home submissive in a D/s relationship.
I started blogging when I was exploring D/s online in 2003. I needed advice, mentors and helping hands. Since then I've made it my mission to help novice submissives understand themselves and the services they wish to provide. 
The feminist movement may have fought for my rights so that I can use the pill or condoms, it may have fought for my right to have be paid properly for my employment and all the many other equalities it strives for. And where I live I think it all came much later then the UK or USA. I heard a discussion on the radio with some of the leading feminist movement women from the 70’s and 80’s discussing the fact that modern women (here) have no idea of what happened back then to make life so much better for women now.
Has the feminist movement impacted my life directly or generally, I would say generally. The feminist movement gave women strength and a voice which, politically and socially is welcome, obviously. But I don’t know that I have ever heard of a feminist talking about femininity or at least only in so far as it said a woman didn’t have to be subject to the stereotypical feminine ‘look’.
I have spent most of my recent life trying to hide myself (being a big girl) I have certainly lost whatever sense of femininity I had a long time ago. I embraced the “tomboy” and it became easier to dress in jeans and trainers and oversized t-shirts (usually men’s). I gave up wearing makeup because it wreaks havoc with my skin and I don’t wear high heels because my ankles betray me and I inevitably twist them. No skirts whatsoever. I am sure that in my teens and early twenties I was much more feminine and girlie. But not so throughout my thirties, I have become shy and awkward and so self conscious it hurts.
BDSM was something I began to explore about 3 years ago but I walked away – the dom I was with turned out not to be the right person to explore with. I continued with my life, doing all I could do to help myself and my self image (which I was having great success with). But I never thought that I would go back to BDSM because I didn’t think I could find someone (here). However all that changed one day late last year when a friend of mine from that first exploration into BDSM popped up on my ym.
O/our D/s relationship has grown and blossomed and it is through this relationship where there is a distinct Male Female difference that I have been able to begin to explore this final hurdle of femininity. At the outset I sometimes (often) resisted His attempts at my feminization (!) because I didn’t see the point of me being all girlie, and blatantly said to Him that I was NOT pretty and men did NOT fancy me and there was simply no point; because putting me in a skirt was not going to change my ugliness.
But He is patient and He sees within me all the potential I am blind to.
I am now the proud owner of 1 skirt 3 dresses and 1 pair of High Heels (!!) and a corset. Some of which I wore recently at a fetish event (my first) with Him.
All of this longwinded explanation is to demonstrate that it is my D/s relationship with Him that has enabled me to begin to embrace my femininity.
It is ironic that today I should come across your site and this artical, since only this morning I posted in my blog about feminist. Just sharing the irony. Great site btw.
I can’t wait to read the next installment. I too am a feminist and “of a certain age.” I used to wonder how I could be a submissive feminist as they seemed to be opposites, but over the years I realized what you described.
Very well done.
Here’s the next installment for your reading pleasure: http://www.submissiveguide.com/2010/06/a-feminist-submissive/
Fantastic! I am also a woman of a “certain age” and new to this community – I’ve been with Master 9 months and rejected others who tried to “go there” with me because I know myself and could see they weren’t “solid” enough in themselves.
I came to your site with my own personal definition of feminism within the context of a D/S relationship – and found my thoughts written on your page!!!
Glee! Fantastico!
Excellent job! :-)
[...] a little research this morning, I came across this series on feminist submission. I haven’t thoroughly explored it yet, but it is a little peek [...]